Am I being unreasonable about pre school?

[petnik]

OK i'm probably being paranoid but my DD starts pre school in September and she will be three. At the moment I can control what she sees on TV, what she knows about, the stories she reads etc. I am worried that once in pre school she will hear about all sorts of stuff i don't think she is old enough for from other children. How have you dealt with this? The pre school is part of an infant / junior school but has it's own play area but she will be mixing with reception class. Am I being too much of a control freak? She already has nightmares about "the big bad wolf"!!! PS this is my first ever post on the site so hello to all.

preschool doesn't need to be sending your dd out to a scheduled hardcore educational experience lasting all day

it's not like you're sending them to boarding school or something

mine only ever went for 2 1/2 hour sessions a week- which left oodles of time for them to be with mummy

but they did love those sessions

as for worrying about the influence of the other children- doesn't she have any friends as it is? probably the preschool children will be no worse

My children are quite old by now (Yr 4 and 7) and I have to say, this letting go of control is rather lovely when you see it from the other end: when you can see how they thrive on making their own choices and find to your surprise that they actually make very sensible ones. Sometimes they're more sensible than me.

First can I just quote this:

"one should as a rule respect public opinion in so far as it is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny, and is likely to interfere with happiness in all kinds of ways" bertrand russell

I love that quote!!! It applies to so much. donnymouse's post reminded me of it. I live along those lines.

Having said that - my DS goes to preschool 2 mornings a week (3 hrs a session) because he loves it. I have never and would never leave him crying. He loves the playing and toys & friends. He is almost 3. But I am still remotely considering HE. I dont think I could do it well enough... but I will only ever do what is in his best interest. Society as a whole can stuff it as long as we dont hurt anyone else - I wont do something just because everyone else does it. But at the moment, it is in his best interests to go to preschool. Though sometimes I ache leaving him he usually doesnt look back. If that changes he wont go.

Petnik YABU, pathetic and ridiculous!!!

(YABU = You Are Being Unreasonable)

Just kidding - welcome to AIBU, you are brave to post your first post on MN!!

Your DD will learn some things you'd rather she didn't, she'll repeat some things you'd rather she didn't, she'll tell you things the teacher has told her that you'd rather she didn't.... but you'll love seeing her making friends, having different experiences and growing up. Between 3 & 4 they grow so much, take lots of photos, videos and make the most of the time you do have together (ie sod the housework, go to the park!!) x

If the OP was saying that she didn't feel her daughter would cope with pre-school, or would be unhappy there, I'd be among the voices saying of course you don't have to send her at all, or to school either when she gets older.

But the OP is saying that she is having trouble with giving up having 100% control of what her daughter does and hears and the people she mixes with, and I think that is something which she has to get past in order to do the best for her child. Even if she did decide not to use a preschool or school, it would still be important for her to start giving her dd a chance to spend time with other people away from parental influence. Not because parental influence is bad, or children should be forced into their roles by society, but because we all need to start making (very tiny at first) steps away from our parents, and this is a good age to start doing it for most children most of the time. And because preschool is an environment where there are other caring adults and the age range of the children is quite small, it's a good opportunity to start making those steps in safety.

AMumInScotland you are very right - it is a different thing altogether to have problems letting go than being let go of! As I said DS loves going to school, I enjoy the free time but still ache when I leave him and feel butterflies in my stomach when I collect him.

also agree with MumInScotland

it is not about preschool per se, but about moving into that next stage of accepting that your children have lives to live that are not to every detail what you would have planned for them

preschool imo is not a necessary stage of a child's development but it's as good a place as any to take the first step on a journey that is necessary: the journey to independence

Yes, I have home-ed'd ds2, and at 10 he now does 4 days a week at school. That's best for him, but the fears that the Op expressed were as strong for me when my other 2 dcs went to school, and school suits them well. It was my problem, not theirs.

it's a constant issue, i think, of evaluating your fears and gut-wrenches and sorting them into ones to notice and ones to act upon. If I acted on all of them I would never let them do anything! Some of those pangs you can just notice and let go though. And mostly you're just working on your best guess.

Loved your first post saintmaybe.

Am I alone in looking forward to my dd going to pre-school? Not cos I want to spend less time with her - but I think she will love it and I look forward to her telling me all about her morning.

I think i will be more nervous than she will be
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