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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my colleague deserves to be fined

91 replies

Awdry · 03/06/2009 23:23

For taking his reception child out of school for two weeks a week after they have gone back for half term.

They have booked 2 weeks abroad. Their dd is struggling in school. She took ages to settle in September and and seems to have a complete lack of confidence when it comes to school. (My ds is the same age and plays with her. They already took her out for a weeks holiday in February (however she wasn't 5 then so it could be argued it wasn't compulsory.)

She is now the term after they have turned 5 and they see nothing wrong with it. They havn't even told the school yet and they fly this weekend. Both parents have totally flexible holidays (I know I deal with holiday requests and she isn't working at the moment). It is purely so they can get a cheaper holiday abroad.

Their parents have a caravan they could use in this country instead.

I have namechanged in case I am recognised.

OP posts:

Madmentalbint · 04/06/2009 09:26

YABU and you sound rather jealous.

Reception year is based around play so I wouldn't hesitate to take my 5yr old out of school for a holiday abroad. Holidays can be very enriching experiences IMO.

herbietea · 04/06/2009 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

psychomum5 · 04/06/2009 09:43

YABVU.

I don;t see anything wrong with taking children out of school for holidays until they are in yr9 or above.

not even during SATs weeks either (but then I am an avid hater of the SATs anyway, so my opinion is coloured in that regard).

children catch up well enough. if they are behind, then a holiday might actually help in a bizarre way, as they relax for the holiday, come back refreshed and actually get on better with their work due to the being refreshed (and more so than just a basic school holday too).

having said that, I would only ever take mine out of school if we had the money to be able to afford to. It is because of the wanking holiday business upping the prices to extortionate (sp?) levels that has created this very problem.

I have to say tho, in all honesty, I would pay more to go on a child-free break, so why not do that. push up the prices during term-time, ensure that there is no children going then, and the holiday business will make a mint due to all the child-hater paying tons to go

ThePhantomPlopper · 04/06/2009 09:51

LOL at 110%. What's that then?

YABU.

None of your business, if the family are happy with their decision then what's it to you?

belgo · 04/06/2009 09:54

YABU. A family holiday probably does more good at this age.

I didn't think school was compulsary until the following year 1.

hobbgoblin · 04/06/2009 10:02

You can't apply your values to someone else's life. We don't all see school as the be all and end all. For some, to be literate and numerate is enough in life. These holidays are unlikely to have any effect on that.

Do you think ever that fines such as this and the time and money spent enforcing them, leeches resources from areas where there are real needs that are not being addressed? I'm thinking truancy because of dire familial and behavioural issues; substance misuse, mental illness and so on.

You may think the fine was deserved and you are entitled to think that but I think you are being very narrow minded about the issues around this subject.

Original poster

Awdry · 04/06/2009 10:05

I assure you that I am not jealous and the rest of the family agree with me.

They have not even told the school yet they are going away and this is their second holiday abroad since Christmas in term time.

They also saw nothing wrong with taking her away in September just a week after she started school, it was purely lack of availability that stopped them.

I know that he does not value education, fine, their choice but I just feel so sorry for the little girl who is struggling not only academically but socially at school. However when I am asked advice in the future as I have been in the past on how to help their dd I will maybe tell them in future none of my business (I won't because I care)

School is compulsory the term after a child turns 5 as far as I am aware.

OP posts:

Stigaloid · 04/06/2009 10:05

YABVU - none of your business.

CarmenSanDiego · 04/06/2009 10:06

YABU, I took my 8 and 5 year olds out of their crappy school last week to drive to Las Vegas. We had a fab time and they learn all sorts on holiday. Just reframe holiday as a 'field trip'. Being abroad is a great experience - new food, language, culture etc.

You sound jealous to me and very nosy. Why on earth should they go in a caravan? Sorry!

hobbgoblin · 04/06/2009 10:11

I don't think we can assume jealousy on your part but it is quite clear that you have a sheep like mentality when it comes to education and life ideals. You have taken one set of ideals, which happens to be the Governmental set and applied them to this family and probably your own without much consideration of other ways of being.

A questioning mind is a good thing to have too, alongside the basic ability to convey thought and opinion (the little girl will achieve this despite the holidays )without it we would never move forward. I'm not suggesting anarchy, but you get the essence of what I am saying don't you?

oliverboliverbutt · 04/06/2009 10:12

well said Hobgoblin!

CarmenSanDiego · 04/06/2009 10:12

Well said, hobbgoblin!

CarmenSanDiego · 04/06/2009 10:13

Lol, x-posts

meemar · 04/06/2009 10:13

get some perspective. There are far worse things a parent can do.

When I was in primary school my mum took me and my brother out twice for a period of 5 weeks at a time(her parents lived long haul overseas).

I still managed to get GCSEs A Levels and go to university. And I made friends at school

It's not that big a deal.

LtEveDallas · 04/06/2009 10:14

YABU and to keep pointing out that this is their 2nd holiday abroad just makes you sound jealous.

Also, if the 'rest of the family agree with you' that must mean you are speaking behind the backs of these people - how rude and petty, I'm so glad you are not related to me.

(and frankly, I dont blame them for going in term time - the prices for holidays during school break periods is disgusting, as for the caravan, they would probably end up shelling out more cash during a UK break than they would overseas, so again, I dont blame them)

psychomum5 · 04/06/2009 10:16

fab post hobbgoblin............am liking the sheep like mentality comment

sunshineonarainyday · 04/06/2009 10:19

YABU. Apparently 85% of a child's learning takes place outside of school

hobbgoblin · 04/06/2009 10:24

at sunshineonarainyday.

at post praise!

spicemonster · 04/06/2009 10:25

'Struggling academically'? She's 5 FFS! In the rest of Europe, she wouldn't even be in school. In Scandinavia they don't start until they're 7.

YABVU. None of your business.

mumeeee · 04/06/2009 11:29

YABU, You are still allowed by law to take children out of school for 10 days ( that is " school weeks). A lot of schools don't like this but they won't fine anyone for doing that. She is only 5 and she will catch up. We took our children out of School for holidays until my eldest DD started her GCSE work.

SouthMum · 04/06/2009 11:30

I also think YABU - you do sound a bit as you have said a few times that this is their 2nd holiday abroad this year and they have a caravan they can use in the UK instead - why mention the caravan?

She is pretty young so having a couple of holidays won't have much of an impact on her schooling.

I wouldn't let it be any sweat off your sack TBH......

SouthMum · 04/06/2009 11:32

Also if she is struggling and didn't fit in well etc etc then a couple of holidays might give her a bit of confidence when she goes back.

Original poster

Awdry · 04/06/2009 19:47

The reason I poi nted out it was their second holiday this year (since Christmas)was to point out that this is not a case of it being the only chance to have a family holiday etc.

To be honest her mother is more worried about her struggling "academically" than I am. I keep saying it will all level out and not to worry.

Each time she has a break from school it doesn;t help, she goes back to square one.

I did have to chukle at the suggestion I followed government policy sheep wise. That is so funny as I am pretty alternative within doing what is right for individual children and I explored several options personally including home ed and schools that don't do SATS.

Honestly, this holiday will be spent sunbathing on a beach, which is fine but not if it disrupts a child this much.

I'm going for a week in the free caravan in August personally. We will have a great time. We had the opportunity of a free holiday abroad at Easter but had another commitment so her is no jealousy.

I'm guessing you all see me as some spiteful jealous bitch where honestly, honestly I am only concerned with the effect on this child whom I love dearly.

Oh well. Time to change back to my usual name and leave this thread.

OP posts:

TheProfiteroleThief · 04/06/2009 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lizzylou · 04/06/2009 19:53

I am going against the grain here and will say YANBU.
Purely because she is already unsettled, I think it disrupts other children in the class and it is unnecessary. DS1 is in reception and he seems to be learning so much so fast, it could be very daunting for her when she comes back.
At DS1's school (Primary) you are only allowed a week (I think, could be two) of authorised absence for holidays etc so she would be marked as unauthorised if this is the second holiday.
I am also a tad as we will have a few holidays this year, but they will all be in the UK and at PIL's caravan

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