Advice please, what would you do?

[endless]

After a friendship with next door neighbour went horribly wrong, we have new neighbours.
They have children.
Over last week or two, these children just turn up in the back garden.
Ds is an only so i am acutely aware that he maybe at times lonely.
BUT i do not want a repeat of the past.
Summer hols are looming and i think that these children will be turning up allot when we are all in our gardens.

What should i do?

Reality - you could otherwise be my neighbour, as I have the same problem as the OP

We have a gate to our backgarden which we have to lock more often, otherwise I have found kids in my garden on DS's toys

heheheehe! if i am no offence intended its just that i have had such an awful upsetting time with previous neighbours that i dont want to get that familiar and invite problems again.
feel very very guilty because my new neighbours are lovely people and the children are gorgeous but i worry about the mum and dad not knowing that they have just popped round, and the fact that they go out of the front garden as it is a busy road there.
What if the parents think that the kids are with us, ad we think that the kids are with them, and someone has grabbed them on the journey from thier garden to ours! I have so many worries about the whole thing.

it may calm down in a bit. Its all a bit new now. Lay your bounderies now and it will all be fine.

When we first moved in my house was full of children. It was a huge shock as we had lived in a 3rd floor flat previously and no one every came round. My kids were wild with the excitement of it all and the neighbourhood kids thought it was fantastic to have a new house to strip bare of everything eatable and drinkable.

Soon put a stop to all that

I was firm but friendly and made clear what was acceptable.

Dont be shy, kids dont mind being told to go away and come back after tea time etc.

how do they get into your back garden?

questions

1. how old is your ds?
2. how old are neighbouiring children?
3. what do they want/do when they turn up?

If they like you and you like them maybe you could remove a few planks of the back garden fence, or make a hole in the hedge that divides your back gardens, or whtever, so that it would be safe for them to go between the houses, our friends did this and it all works very well, provided you don't have to do all the entertaining/catering all the time

They ether squeeze through the hedge, orjust go out of the frnt gate.
They hv a tllgate on teir bag grdn, ut no lock, so prtty uch just let themselves out.

They are 4 & 5.

sorry trouble with keybourd.
DS 5
Neighbours 4 & 5
Play, they want to play inside the house and outside, they are curios thats all

they havea tall gate in their back garden, no lock so jsut lt themselvess out

dont want to be that familiar so they can just come and go as they please.
Dont realy wat to be removing planks, want to invite them properly, not just trip over them as they turn up.

Hada terrible time with previous neighbours, was stressful and made me ill, do not want that again, i am very anxious about this.

agree with chegirl. you don't have to be subtle with kids - just tell them they can't come over right now, its not convenient. also lay the law down asap before it gets too much of a habit. there are times however when it will be a blessing to have playmates next door.

Dont think that i should speak to the paarents bout my wories then?
they will think i am a neurotic freak wont they?!

i would be more subtle with the parents to begin with eg suggest to the parents a time that the kids could come over, be quite specific eg saturday afternoon at 3pm. then perhaps they will get the message that their children can't come whenever they want.

I can understand why you are anxious endless. It must be a real worry after your previous problems.

I wouldnt talk to the parents just yet. They may misconstrue your concerns as being standoffish.

I would just be very clear with the kids. If you dont want them coming through into your garden tell them. You dont have to be horrible.

They are very young and will not realise that they are being intrusive. Tell them 'its lovely that you come to play but I need you to knock on the front door, not come through the garden'.

Or whatever it is you want them not/to do.

I bet they wont even blink and probably wont mention it to their parents.

Try not to get too anxious about something that hasnt happend yet.

does your ds like playing with them?

I wouldn't disucss it with the parents, I'd just tell the kids what I wanted to happen.

So if your ds is playing out and they come over and they all play, fine. Make it a rule that they do not come into the house if you want. No explanations, just say 'you can play in teh garden but not inside'. No reasons needed.

If you are in the garden and you don't want kids arsing sround, just say 'I'm relaxing in the garden today, you can come another day'.

chegirl already said it really. There you go, you have it twice

Thanks, i think i will do that, its only after school and weekends at the moment.

Told them tonight we were about to eat tea and for them to pop back after, but they just stayed in the garden which was a ball ache cos ds kept running out to them in the middle of tea.

sigh. I am just crappola at this parenting lark.

Ds does like playing with them yes.

ds has been round there to play twice (dh was in charge, me at work that day)Which i get anxious about because he is a handful, and they have 4 small children to look after to start with without adding ds into the mix.

You are not crap

YOu do sound anxious but thats understandable.

Re the tea time incident - it would have been fine to say 'can you go home because I want DS to eat his tea and he keeps running out because he can see you'

Firm and clear, firm and clear

you are not crap but don't talk about 'popping' here or there with small children.

Say 'Go home now because we are having tea. Bye bye'. Open the gate, look at them while smiling firmly and close the gate behind them. Use the imperative.