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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I want to stand my rellies in the back garden with no tops on in the blazing sun and see how well they sleep tonight

46 replies

stoppinattwo · 01/06/2009 20:44

DS (10) has been out with them to the beach today and has come home with a bright red back....no sun cream has been applied at all!!! I would have done it if they had been up as i left for work this morning.

There was a big bag of suncream in his bag and he can apply it himself but he cant do his own back!!!!

Oh i think tonight is going to be a long one!!!, he says he feels ok and that it doesnt matter but I am also annoyed with DS for not reminding them to put his sun cream on

OP posts:

abraid · 02/06/2009 08:46

What I meant was this:

I've been asked on several occasions to accompany classes on summer school trips or Brownies or Youth Club (not necessarily my children). Often I go but now I'm really not sure I want to be responsible for sunblock on hot days. Children have different skin types and some burn very easily and quickly.

I don't want to come on here and see a whole lot of threads on 'Those parent helpers didn't put enough block on my child, should I complain?'.

Why should I have the hassle? It's enough effort making sure that my own children are properly sun-blocked for cricket/playtime when I'm not there. And I'm not sure I'd offer to take anyone else's child to the beach in the holidays anymore, either.

HuffwardlyRudge · 02/06/2009 08:51

If you can't be arsed with the hassle then probably don't volunteer to help.

abraid · 02/06/2009 08:53

I don't mind one jot doing the work. I have done it for about seven years now: taking time off work. ON average I give up half a day a week to help children. That's every week. I stand on rainy athletics pitches. I maintain a children's playground. I help out in school. I like children and think I have something to offer.

What I do resent is this constant lambasting of people who are, essentially, doing YOU and YOUR CHILD a favour. Giving up their time.

messymissy · 02/06/2009 08:55

a ten year old boy is too busy being a 10 year old boy to remember sun cream - it is up to the adults to remind and help him.

I would speak to your relatives and say how badly burnt he is and next time can they ensure he wears a t shirt if they cant remember to help him put cream on his back. BTW they might not have realised.

2Eliza2 · 02/06/2009 09:03

Older people (assuming they are?) haven't had the constant drumming in of the sun-is-dangerous message we have had since being parents.

They probably thought they'd given him a nice day out and done you and him a favour.

I agree about people not wanting to volunteer anymore because of the punitive atmosphere surrounding childcare these days.

Casserole · 02/06/2009 09:11

You're talking absolute rubbish abraid.

If you take someone else's child out, then you agree to take care of them while they are in your care. Some days that might mean making sure they don't run into traffic. Some days that might mean making sure they don't go all day without anything to eat and drink. And on hot sunny days like yesterday, it damn well means making sure they're either covered with clothing or sun cream if they are going to be out for hours in the sun on the beach. We are not talking 10 minutes in a balmy back garden, we are talking the whole day topless on the beach on a boiling hot day.

FGS you're being so ridiculous I can't believe it. I can only assume you've never had proper sun BURN.

Ninkynork · 02/06/2009 09:12

Poor DS, I know how you feel. We were away with my parents a couple of weeks ago and it was warm enough for DD to wear a strappy dress but not scorching IFKWIM? Anyway, we had gone out leaving my parents to relax, then met up at a little beach for an icecream. DD wanted to stay with them and I said it was fine for a half hour.

Four hours later they returned with DD already turning pink You and I wouldn't dream of letting our children spend any time in the sun, on a beach with a deceptively cool wind blowing without using sunscreen but our parents don't think anything of it.

Actually when we went to Spain when I was nine my mother did put "suncream" on us but it was factor 2 coconut stuff like cooking oil - we would just fry!

PuppyMonkey · 02/06/2009 09:19

So abraid, would you be happy if your own child had burned while in the care of someone else? When they had suncream in their bag? Or would you just think: "Oh well, he had a nice day out with his gran!"

burningupinspeed · 02/06/2009 09:23

If the responsibility of putting on a bit of sunscreen on is too much to bear then probably for the best you don't volunteer, abraid.

It's not much of a favour if you have to deal with sunburn, pain, skin peeling off everywhere etc, for days afterwards, is it?

stealthsquiggle · 02/06/2009 09:27

I would generally put once-a-day suncream on before my DC left for something like that (and definitely before school trips, etc) - but as the OP says, if you have left before they get up that is clearly not possible.

Fortunately my DM is far more paranoid about that sort of thing than I am, and if the DC were with PIL I would give them explicit instructions.

wishingchair · 02/06/2009 09:34

I have 6 parents (inc step parents and in laws) and I can honestly say that 2 of those would instinctively think about suncream. 3 of them never wear any themselves. 1 does when nagged. Not excusing them but think I would have to explicitly say "remember to regularly slather on the suncream" for the others to think about it.

Different generation ... different sun intensity. We were talking just the other day about how as children we would be out playing all day and never remember having suncream applied but never got burnt either. Now can't sit for 30 mins in the sun without starting to go red. So it just wasn't something they had to think about when they were parenting young children.

Original poster

stoppinattwo · 02/06/2009 10:26

abraid...I actually felt a bit sick reading your reasoning...

You shouldnt be looking afte children or volunteering with that attitude..what a stupid thing to post..

In other words I should be eternally grateful that my relatives offered to take my son to the beach for the day, regardless of the fact that they omit to apply sun cream once and allow him to run around all after noon with no t shirt on.

so if you took them swimming and they couldnt swim would you blow up arm bands?

What happend to a duty of care for any child you offer/agree to look after...

OMG you talk a load of rubbish.

DS has woken up very sore this morning only now admitting that it actually does hurt ...he was worried that I would go and have a word with MIL...I shant say anything this time, it would only make her feel bad, but if he goes out for the day with her again I shall remind her

OP posts:

mondaymonday · 02/06/2009 10:36

I think it is probably a good idea to encourage DS to wear a top in the sun as well. Obviously also need to use sunscrean elsewhere, but as the back is so difficult to get cream on, it is sensible to wear a top

Original poster

stoppinattwo · 02/06/2009 10:40

you are right monday...I did put out a light football shirt for him to wear...Partly why earlier i was rather angry with him too....He siad that playing footie on the beach he got too sweaty and forgot to put it back on

Think todya he has learnt his lesson

OP posts:

abraid · 02/06/2009 17:41

'I can only assume you've never had proper sun BURN.'

Wrong assumptions. I have a mole that is possibly pre-cancerous and is being regularly checked. My mother has skin cancer too (she is Australian).

I have taken children on beaches in Australia. When they're out of my sight I am very careful to make sure I remind relatives (especially older ones, in this country where people are less sun savvy) to put the block on. My children--my responsibility to brief relatices.

On Thursday I will be sunblocking approx. 25 children at school.

On Thursday evening I will be helping run an athletics club, again checking for sun.

I just don't think you should be so harsh about your MIL. She probably feels awful.

2Eliza2 · 02/06/2009 18:02

I didn't think abraid's 'attitude' was that bad. It IS worrying to have strong sun to think about, if you're working with children. I have some experience helping with large groups of kids, too, and sometimes wonder if the sheer effort involved in getting children out of school for trips will eventually be too much for everyone.

Perhaps those criticising her don't have experience of trying to persuade a large group of children to put on hats and keep them on and put on block. And knowing that it's your responsiblity if this doesn't happen. I watched a steward at an athletics club trying to keep 25 girls in the shade while they waited to do longjump. Poor woman. I bet someone would have blamed her if any of them had burned and she was really doing all she could.

lisylisylou · 02/06/2009 19:09

My mil is pretty good, I have to say that she is careful with suncream. However, we don't use that with my 2 dc's (3.5yrs & 5yrs) as we have those suits (like wet suit type things). They block out the sun but really breathable. I'm not sure if a 10yr old would find them fashionable to wear but I like them. Maybe you could try that next time and insist he wears it.

Original poster

stoppinattwo · 02/06/2009 21:49

lol the scenarios that are coming out of this...talk about 2+2 making 5

it was MIL and my two children...she wasnt looking after a gang of kids..

I wasnt being Harsh about my MIL and she doesnt feel bad about it because i sounded off on here rather than go and say something to her...infact she is totally oblivious to the fact that he has sunburn...but next time i shall make sure she remembers.

and I packed suncream with instructions for it to be applied. DS told me when he came home that no sun cream at all had been applied to his back or anywhere else for that matter.

I have every right to be pissed off, and if it seem ungrateful as she was doing me some great service taking my kids to the beach and gently toasting them them so be it

OP posts:

Original poster

stoppinattwo · 02/06/2009 21:50

lisylou...as cool as i also think those suits are i think Hell would freeze over before i got him into one...he did entertain a wet suit for a little while on one partticular cold day on the beach but he is getting a little too aware of his street cred

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 02/06/2009 22:20

stoppinattwo you can get really cool (as in acceptable to 10 year old) versions of the sun-proof tops & shorts (two piece, normally, but IMHO the top is the most important bit) from surf shops.

chipmonkey · 02/06/2009 22:58

stoppin, it is a generational thing. My Mum has allowed ds1 and ds2 to burn several times by not actually putting cream on them until they arrive at the pool at midday in Portugal. So they will have walked to the pool with no tops on and then ds2 has to wait while she does ds1, and they inevitably get burnt. And if I start applying suncream while still in the apartment she moans that I am wasting the whole day fussing over nothing!

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