To be amazed by this question....?!

[tessofthedurbervilles]

Juat back from a bbq...am due to drop any day....this guy turns up with his gf and she sits down and starts chatting about my pg (never met her or him before) I nearly fell off my chair when (after questions about due dates, names and general pg stuff) she says 'so was it planned then?'
I was totally lost for words....is it me or is that really not dinner table talk?!

A few people we know asked if DS was planned, and I thought it was a fair question, really, in that we'd been married ten years and never overtly expressed any interest in having a child (he was planned, btw!) I would be if a stranger asked me that, though.

Some friends who were staying with us for the weekend asked if ours was planned. I said yes (IVF takes a lot of planning actually) whereupon they looked surprised and said REALLY?!?

We obviously look like we couldn't plan a walk in the park.

We took our 6-month old to my parents' church, and lots of people came to offer congrats.

Guy at my parents' church is a doctor, and has known my parents and our family for a long time (not our doctor though). I went to school with his son.

But he doesn't really know my wife at all, except to say hello to.

So she was fairly put out when he advised her, surrounded by my family after the church service, to "keep doing those pelvic floor exercises. You'll thank me later!"

I got asked the 'was it planned?' question endlessly when I was pregnant with DS. I'm sure this is beacuse although I was a 'respectable' 25 when pregnant I looked ridiculously young for my age (I'm 27 now and I still look very young). I used to find it really annoying. I even had old dears tutting at me on the bus.

I've also had the 'whose the father?' question because my DH is mixed race but DS is as pale as I am and blonde (I'm dark haired but DH's mother is blonde).

I think its rude for people to ask that. I got asked that when pregnant with ds. I was 19 but it doesnt matter, we were extremely happy to be having a baby.

Lancelottie - that is brilliant

And whose was it??

YANBU - however I'm afraid I just don't understand the hysteria that surrounds clumsy-but-harmless questions like this. I don't mind telling people that my son wasn't planned and neither were my twins in utero, by a long stretch. I admit I'm very open/shameless/blasé about these things but I don't understand whyy people get shocked and uptight about them. It just seems (sorry) incredibly prissy to me.

That said, I don't think you're being unreasonable. Just daft.

It does tickle me though that people don't really think through exactly what they're asking;

"Was it planned?" - or were you just careless, clueless or a bit drunk...?

"Are your twins natural?" - or are you or your husband somehow defective and required medical intervention...?

Not worth getting too upset over though, generally the questions are well meaning if a bit tactless!

My Irish granny calls mixed race children 'half caste' as that generation tend to do. I should have just left well enough alone but told her that 'mixed race' was a more acceptable term.

But, bless her, she never gets it right and always says 'mixed up.'

She's always telling everyone that my brother's kids are 'such gorgeous mixed up children.'

Convo I had while having a sit down in a club while 7 months

T**T... How far gon are ya ?

ME....31 weeks,

T**T... Are ya keeping it

ME ... (Totally stunned) Er yes

T**T... Ya not sure are ya ?

ME... VERY SURE...

I then wondered off in a daze and it did upset me when I had chance to think about it and recall it to a friend. DS2 was very much planned long awaited blah blah. The club manager was furious and went looking to have her thrown out

Also ex boyfriend sidles up to a male friend and says "I hear Lah is pregnant, erm does she know whose it is"

Quick thinking friend strung him along and said "no, she's trying to narrow it down.. but she knows its not you". He then did tell him 'whose it was' along with saying well she's found a real man now

PMSL at Isabelle and Charlotte
Also at are you feeding the twins - no they scavenge for scraps, survival of the fittest and all that
My Aunt made a comment when I announced my pg with #2 when DS was about 18 months - something along the lines of us having wasted no time. About 2 years age gap is pretty typical isn't it? But I know she didn't mean anything by it and wasn't offended.

oldraver that's awful

My manager asked me if it was planned when I told him I was pregnant!

See I would not say it but I would not mind anyone asking me.

DD now 16 months but I got pregnant very quickly after we decided to have a baby, within 10 days (!) which was not really planned as such as we thought it would take longer. This meant that I was 10 days pregnant on my wedding day, unknown to me.

When we annouced it 3 months later, almost everyone I know asked me whether it was planned and I genuinely did not mind the Q.

Why is it rude to ask if a baby is unplanned?
I was unplanned.
DH was unplanned.
All of my and DH siblings were unplanned.
At least 3 of our parents were unplanned.
Most of our aunts and uncles were unplanned.
Many of my cousins were unplanned.
Am I supposed to find all that embarrassing?
Just seems pretty normal to me.
Nothing to be ashamed about.
Quite ordinary, really.

I was unplanned and happy to tell everyone that. My mum was 18.

She does not like to say unplanned, she says a "suprise" !!

I don't think its anything to be ashamed of at all, but I do think its a rude question to be asked. I'm having my third, and pretty much every single person has asked me if it was planned! Its rude, its asking about your personal business "so, did you mean to get pregnant or did you mess up somewhere along the line?"
I usually make some kind of non-comittal answer like " ah you know how it goes", but they often ask more questions, even to the extent of mentionin our finances and the smallness of our house!
I would never ask somebody the same question.