AIBU to think we can afford another child?

[CheerfulYank]

Because DH certainly thinks so! We're not wealthy, but we're not destitute either. We've managed to hang onto our home and our jobs in this crumbling economy, so we're doing better than lots of others we know. We don't make a lot of money, but we manage what we do make pretty well. We have one DS who will be 2 in July. I'd like to try to conceive another this fall, b/c I work in the school system (part time), so by the time the LO was born in early summer I'd be done with work for the year. Then when I had to return to work in the fall, DS would be 3 and going to preschool. I don't want DS to be an only child, and I don't want a large gap in between my kids. DS was a total surprise (born nine months and three days after our wedding, and don't THINK my uber-religious MIL wasn't counting! ) and if we hadn't have had him I think we'd still be childless as DH is extremely cautious about money. Obviously if DH is dead set against it there's nothing I can do, but I don't want to have a big discussion about it if I am BU.

So...am I?

Oh and I forgot to mention: I'm 27, so the timing as far as fertility goes isn't really an issue.

it is areally personal coupe issue that ypu need to discuss.

what are his concerns
you say you are solvent,why is he worried
can you wait more time
maybe he just wants a gap between children

talk it through calmly

YANBU - does your dh not want to have another child but expect you to organise all the contraception

No, he wants another at some point. DH is literally the most cautious man in the world. He takes a million years to make a decision. (Cut to us in the car, me driving. Me:Do I turn here or go straight? DH: Um. Well. If...you wanted to get there...more quickly, you could...well... Me: OH FFS DO I TURN OR NOT?!!) He is the lovely tortoise to my impulsive hare, that's for sure.

He's just worried b/c we don't have a lot of money. Our bills always get paid, but not always on time. And as I said we both work and have kept the house thus far, and really that's all we can ask for at this point.

so not a major problem.just discuss concrete facts eg money,SMP,timing etc rathewr than whimsy i want want a baby

maybe if he feels it is
doo-able
considered
achievable

he will ponder less

It's just that we've discussed it in the past and it usually ends with him saying "I don't know why you're even thinking about another right now..." but maybe if, like scottishmummy said, I lay out my points logically he'll see reason.

He's the greatest dad you could imagine, too, it'd be a shame for him to just have one.

see there is the rub,explIN your thinking and reasoning and listen to his

usually someone will rock up and say oh hell be "careless" with the contraception just do it.but i dont agree with that at all

Well, I've got 3 kids and I never used to think they were particularly expensive to run (clothes got handed down, small children don't eat huge amounts etc, etc). BUT they're now 14, 12 and 10 and boy do I notice how much they cost! The eldest two eat more than an adult would and wear adult sized clothes and shoes. Plus they're both at secondary school and I'm for ever handing money over for music lessons, school trips abroad, sports equipment, trips to the cinema/bowling with friends etc etc. Of course you don't have to pay for these things but you may want to consider how you would feel if money was tight and you had to cut out/down on these activities. And in a few years time we may be forking out university fees. I don't want to put you off, but do think about the future!!

I can see his point if you generally pay your bills a bit late then money is obviously a bit tight.
Are you on maternity pay now? How will you manage without any pay from you at all?
You'll have to consider that as a potential situation as with 2 pre-schoolers to pay for childcare for it may not be possible to go back to your previous job. It happened to me!

I worked out that outside of London I would have to be earning £18k before tax to pay for 2 nursery places for a 3 and 1 year old (including subsidy for pre-school sessions)!!!

IF you think you will have enough to get by and pay for 2 sets of nappies, food etc all on your DH's salary and you stay at home then run it by your DH again.
OR if you earn more than say £18k and you can afford to pay for EVERY thing with your salary above the 18k mark and your DH's salary, then same applies.

That's why I want to start trying to conceive in the fall, as DS would be three (or almost) by the time it was born and would be out of diapers, etc. We will probably qualify for a very good, free preschool for DS so I would only be paying for the (theoretical) LO to go to daycare. No, I wouldn't get maternity pay, I don't get paid at all in the summer. (well, I have a second job that makes a small bit. It's in the evening so I'd still be able to do it as DH is home then.) The summers are always a bit of a crunch for us but not as bad as you'd think since we're not paying for DS to go to daycare (as I'm not working) or the astronomical costs of heating a house in Minnesota!

And I totally agree, scottishmummy, I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER be "careless" with contraception in order to get my way. UGH!