AIBU to leave a 10 year old indoors on his own for an hour or two?

[catwalker]

My youngest is 10 and has been out since 8 this morning and now is hot and tired and just wants to slump on the sofa and watch tv. I need to go and do some shopping and everyone else is out and won't be back for a few hours. I sometimes do nip out and leave him on his own for an hour or so if he doesn't want to come with me (though usually his older brother is around), but I can't do it without feeling hugely guilty and anxious and rushing to get back. What age do other people think it's OK to leave kids in the house on their own and for how long?

wow, I'VE managed that trick with pans - does that mean DH is irresposible for leaving me alone

seriuosly I'd leave DS alone aged 10. I was thinking about this recently because I'm usually on my own with DS (4) and there are times when he is asleep/ knackered etc and doens't want to come out. (witness last ngiht when we had run out of nighttime pullups and i KNEW he would wake needing a change. Realised this at 9.30pm - what do you do? wake a sleeping 4 yr old, dash to co-op (10 mins) to get some, deal with wet bedding at 3am?

In the end I found a stray one lurking in an overnight bag.

I think I'll start leaving DS alone for short periods around 7 or 8 - the same age that I will let him play or go to the corner shop (quiet market town no main roads to cross) on his own. At that age it would only be around 30 minutes working up to 2-3 hours by the time he was 11.

10 sounds perfectly fine to be left alone for a bit...
I think we are overthinking sometimes now....

But yeah, depends on how mature your child is, and what they could get up, too....etc...

JOPIE.....well i know she went to court and i also know that she ended up being let off and did not end up with a criminal record thank goodness.....wether that means there were no charges brought or the charges were dropped im not really sure and its neither here nor there just lucky she didnt end up with criminal record, fine or sentence.

Sorry, that sounded rude, I was genuinely wondering. Damn lack of tone while typing.

Oh go shopping. We've been leaving dd (nearly 10) for that long for nearly a year. If he's sensible and knackered, he won't get up to much. Just make sure he doesn't answer the door or phone.

YANBU -

I'll find the thread I started when I left my DD at home alone one morning when she wanted to stay at home and DS had a choral thingy. We left her for 4 hours (which is extreme) and she cooked lunch for our return. She's just turned 11 so I think she was probably 10.

But she is quite incredibly mature and sensible

I am quite surprised at how many people would leave a 10yo. I thought mine was really mature, but no way would I leave him for a few hours, especially in charge of the younger ones.

I guess I'm an over-protective mother then?

Halia... re your situ with the pull ups and musing if you should nip out....( i know you didn't ), but thought i would share this with you.

A colleague of mine did something very similar... she nipped out to get calpol whilst her 4 yr old was sleeping soundly in his bed. The trip would have took her 6 mins max. She was involved in an horrendous accident and was taken to hospital unconcious with a head injury. It wasn't until a neighbour saw the little fella at the bedroom window crying, noticed no car that he was discovered. My colleague eventually made a full recovery but her son is now on the "at risk" register and she lost her job. It's never ever worth it.

Poppity bit different if you are expecting the 10yo to look after little ones.

If it's just them slumped on the sofa for an hour or two then I can't see any problem...

barnsleybelle...why would she loose her job?..was she prosecuted?....what did it have to do with her employer...maybe all she needed to do here was let a neighbour know. That is an extreme example...it would have been worse if she dragged a sick/sleeping child out at night...she could have an accident in the home...fallen and knocked her self out..this would not be neglect

mulranno... She lost her job as she was a registered nurse. The NMC were contacted and after investigation she was struck off.
In all fairness she was a colleague and not a friend so i do not know the intimate details. Maybe it was not the first time ect, i honestly don't know. I just thought i would share the part i do know.

thanks mulranno for pointing this out. I actually suffer from a neurological condition which leads to collapses where I cannot communicate or control my ody. Now in point of fact these episodes are MORE likely to occur whilst with DS than when nipping to the shops. And DS has had to witness them several times. I know exactly what it means to have a 2 yr old (they started 2 years ago) left to all intents and purposes alone in the house.
Its a common sense matter - if you are going out let your child know where you are and what to do if you dont' come back/ in case of emergancy.
Assess the likely risk of a major accident - and do what you can to mitigate it. And then accpet that some things are outside your control and that accidents and tragedies can and will happen (in the case cited above what was worse - the 4 yr old being left alone when mum was knocked down or the possibility that he would have been in the accident with her?)

I am teaching DS how to use the phone - I've even invested in one of those picture dial thingies so that he can simply press a button to get 'daddy' or 'nana' or 'doctor neenah' (ambulance if anything did happen. Actually i'd be more likely to leave DS in an emergancy if he was awake - my biggest worry would always be him not knowing where i was. If he was stuffed full of a horrid lurgy and we needed medication I would tuck him up on the sofa with a drink and a DVD and instructions to stay still whilst i went to pick up medicine from the GP. (I'd also tell him to go and see J next door in an emergancy or if mummmy wasn't back when the clock went beep)

Maybe because of my condition I am activly planning and pushing DS towards independance - but I don't think its a bad thing.

I don't know if I am alone in wondering this - but does anyone wonder whether we (as a society) infantilise our children? In some societies a 10 yo would have been working full-time for a couple of years. Here we seem to be afraid to leave them home alone for an hour.

Not that I think that child labour is a good thing but I do think we are all curtailing our DCs natural development and independence.

I agree quattrocento

I agree also...there is a point where over protection becomes neglect...in that you are not equiping children with appropriate life skills. Also think it is interesting that the age 10 keeps coming up, as in a few months they will be 11 and many will ahve to travel alone on a bus or train to secondary school. What is so scary about leaving a child indoors in the safety of their own home with a system to access support/help if problem arises.

I agree quattro...it is quite sad that children are not allowed the same independence most of us grown ups probably were allowed...
it is aprt of growing up, etc...

sounds fine to me

Cat 64...yes you are absolutely right...if you didnt leave your children alone you would have no opportunity to teach them all of the things you have listed above....or they would have no opportunity to learn to cope and deal with stuff. I would much prefer that my child both knew what to do and how to cope if a) someone phoned, b) someone called c) there was an accident and they needed help...most things will be OK...I would rather know how my child responded in these situations.