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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to hate this saying?

26 replies

WibblyPigRocks · 29/05/2009 10:46

"A son is your son till he finds wife,
A daughter is your daughter for all of her life."

My MIL trots it out regularly when complaining about her sons. She has nothing to complain about, IMO, but that's another thread!!

OP posts:
Original poster
WibblyPigRocks · 29/05/2009 10:47

"finds a wife", BTW, not just "finds wife"!!

OP posts:
tribpot · 29/05/2009 10:49

Stupid saying with frankly creepy undertones. What, the wife is the new mother? Erk.

Can't believe your MIL says that in front of you.

onepieceofcremeegg · 29/05/2009 10:50

Does she have daughters of her own?

I would say just ignore it (and if possible smile in a vaguely polite and disinterested manner to show you don't care) That's how I handle my mil.

jarbelle · 29/05/2009 10:51

It is irritating but my mum also comes out with this one quite a lot.

She may have a point though - her two daughters ring/visit a few times a week.

She hears from my bro about once a month if she's lucky and it's usually when his fiance's away and he's bored and lonely.

Original poster
WibblyPigRocks · 29/05/2009 10:54

She does have a daughter of her own, although she has yet to settle down - very much a free spirit and not the sort to swap knitting patterns, as MIL had hoped!!

I do just ignore this one but will work on my 'vaguely polite and disinterested' smile for the various other things she says/does!!

Just interested, really, in whether I hate this saying because it IS stupid or whether it's because she says it!! Ha ha!

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 29/05/2009 10:55

i have never heard it before

ridiculus saying

ohdearwhatamess · 29/05/2009 11:00

My MIL says this all the time to me too.
She had 3 boys and a girl herself.

She then goes on to explain how I need to have a 3rd (or 4th, 5th, 6th....) child so that I can have a girl.

AMumInScotland · 29/05/2009 11:05

It's daft. I'm one of 3 - my sister and I both moved away quite young, and didn't spend much time with our parents. My bro stayed nearer them, and still lives closer and sees them more often, despite being settled with his not-exactly-wife. So I think it's down to a lot of things other than gender.

Fairynufff · 29/05/2009 11:44

It is not a ridiculous saying - like a lot of old rhymes it has a grain of truth in it...certainly it has followed the pattern in 90% of my family (including 3 generations and my DH's family). Why do you think women break their necks to have girls? Whereas in Asian cultures the daughter goes to live with the in-laws so boys are prized...

tribpot · 29/05/2009 12:17

Who breaks their neck to have a girl?

onagar · 29/05/2009 12:30

Yeah, a perfectly reasonable, harmless and common saying. I don't know how someone can think it stupid and creepy. I think it is accurate more often than not, but of course you wouldn't treat any of these sayings as prophecy would you.

Overmydeadbody · 29/05/2009 12:32

Load of bollox.

I've actually heard an opposite saying, that a son is your son for life but a daughter is only your daughter until she gets married.

It's all a load of bollox though.

Overmydeadbody · 29/05/2009 12:33

People break their necks to have girls? I never knew that.

Geocentric · 29/05/2009 12:52

Depends on who your sons marry and what kind of a mil you turn out to be

My mil has 3 married sons, and always says she gained 3 daughters, but she's fab and sil's and I are pretty normal (no psychos!).

traceybath · 29/05/2009 12:55

It may have had some truth years ago but i think men/boys have different relationships with their mothers nowadays.

Although am always slightly perturbed when i read on mn 'that the wife is the man's family now'.

I have 2 boys and am now pregnant with a girl but hope i'll always be close to all my children.

I'm lucky and am close to my mum but know plenty of women who aren't and equally know some men who speak to their mums loads.

Some old man said this to me at the dr's when i'd just had my second son - just what i didn't want to hear

nametaken · 29/05/2009 13:09

Well it is true in a way. I mean, when we got married, I continued to phone and visit my mum and sister etc but dh never bothers to organise visits to his family. The only time we see his family is if I organise it.

So really, men have only got themselves to blame.

Or we can drum it into our own sons that when they get married, it's their responsibility to stay in touch with their family, not their girlfriends.

OrmIrian · 29/05/2009 13:14

Fraid that IME it has some truth behind it. All my female friends make an effort to spend time with their parents - and sometimes even enjoy it! Many of my male friends view it as a chore, and one that can be put off indefinitely quite often.

And also it has to be said that DILs tend to be less accepting of PILs. My DH has very little in common with my parents (to say the lleast) but he has never tried to stop me seeing them. How many times do you read about DILs on here objecting to their partners spending time with their parents and complaining that MIL tries to take over etc?

Fairynufff · 29/05/2009 17:05

Geocentric - you are the (delightful and heartwarming) exception the proves the rule. Check out all the viscious threads about MILs on here and that says it all!

Fairynufff · 29/05/2009 17:14

You go to an old people's home and do a survey about which relative looks after them more - I would bet all my money that there are more daughters than sons doing all the visiting, caring, shopping, reminding others to visit etc etc..

TrillianAstra · 29/05/2009 17:15

My DP sees his family (and is bothered about seeing them) quite a bit more than I do.

I dare you to say what Geocentric said!

MillyR · 29/05/2009 17:29

In my experience the saying is usually true.

Themasterandmargaritas · 29/05/2009 17:33

Do you not get on with MIL then Wibbly? If it was your mum saying it would you not hate it so much?

My dh told me off the other week for not having phoned my mum for ages.

Like Geo, my MIL never says she has lost a son, she always says she has gained a daughter.

Nancy66 · 29/05/2009 17:33

I think it rings very true.

It tends to be women that remember birthdays and sort out family dos etc. When a bloke marries - his wife puts all the effort into her family.

unknownrebelbang · 29/05/2009 17:37

Hate...such a strong word.

People old and young come out with all sorts of crap - this is no worse than other things I've heard over the years, and tbh it is often true.

eeyore2 · 29/05/2009 17:38

My late Grandmother used to say this type of thing quite often and strongly favoured my aunt (her daughter) over my mum (her daughter-in-law)because she thought my mum had taken her son away from her. Towards the end of her life though, it was my mum that did the bulk of the caring for her. My aunt made a big song and dance about how concerned she was but never seemed to do much of the practical stuff. So you never know how things will work out...actually on the other hand you could just say my mum is a total saint...

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