Why is my Dad forever criticising my Dc's???

[Claire2009]

Ds when he was late to walk.

"is he ever gonna get his lazy ass up & walk?"

Ds Eating a biscuit.

"That boys always eating, he'll end up fat.

Ds is a Late talker

"Well (G'Daughter who is 3mths old than my DS) talks loads, he should too"

Today, Ds now 2.1yo accidentally fell onto G'dad's Veg patch in the garden while following G'Dad to the Greenhouse

"Get off my Veg Patch you f*cking little bastard"

I picked Ds up, told my Dad there was no need to speak to a 2yo like that & went home.

Dd, she's 3.3yo & moans/whinges like any toddler!

"Will you shut up whinging you horrible thing"

I don't visit my Dad often, but when I do he always has something nasty to say to either me or the Children, I'm a single Mum & do this on my own, but get criticised for that too "Its your own fault, you chose to get with the idiot (xp) you knew you'd end up alone with the kids"

I had a shit childhood, all due to my Dad and am doing my best but not sure how to approach this with him...?! Other than cutting out all contact, he lives close and that would be extremely difficult.

He also has lots of photo's in frames up of my sister's Dd's but none of mine despite me giving them to him they end up on the mantle piece or in the drawer

So AIBU & WWYD at the same time here?

yanbu and i would go home every time he says anything so horrible and say see you when you are in a nicer mood.

Make visits short and sweet.
There is no point expecting something off him that he seems incapable of giving.
I would be mortified if my dad spoke to my children like that.
Back off, but do it subtly, no need for a big show down.
You can't change him favouring your sister's kids either. the only thing to do distance yourself emotionally.
Good luck

yanbu, how horrible for you

I would keep visits to a minimum, you'll feel a lot better without such a negative presence in your life.

It's his loss.

hmmm, a tricky one
I'm not sure I would subject my kids to such awful name calling
maybe just go and see him without the kids and explain why
what does your dh think?

There is no way I would expose my DC to anyone who called them a f little B. You say you had a rubbish childhood (I am not surprised) - well, your dad is clearly shaping up to be a rubbish grandfather too. If I were you I would have as little to do with him as possible. It just is not fair on children to put them through that. You ALL deserve better. Poor you

I'd limit contact, and when I did see him I would mentally prepare myself that I know he will be a tosser and he will say something crap and so I will not be too surprised by it.

Difficult to know how to handle it in terms of the crass things he says to the children. How do you explain it to them? I guess you have to weigh up whether them seeing him is better than the rubbish he says to them. Maybe he just shouldnt get to see them much in the future.

Maybe Im a a pessimist but IME people dont change and he will always be awkward, as he always has been. Im sorry if Im not being very constructive here...I do hope it resolves somehow. I just think you just need to be realistic rather than hope he changes.

YANBU he sounds unpleasant. The solution is in your hands though.

If you don't enjoy going there and he is rude to your DCs then cut right back on contact.

If he says something about it then reply that you didn't think he enjoyed your families company since he is so critical about his GCs.

Hopefully a bit of distance will help him to understand that he is being unfair and rude.

Thanks.
I do feel I'm more distant with him, and I want it that way. I don't visit him often despite living close, and he comes here & offends too

Over Winter I had a nasty bug of some sort, I could barely move without being sick & this went on for 7 days. Dad popped round to see if I was ok, toys were scattered about and dishes needed doing, he 'tutted' and said the house was a mess and I had to get off my lazy ass and clean it not mope about he then left. A week later he got it & so did Sister and BOTH asked how did I manage with 2 kids on my own when feeling like that?

It does upset me, even down to him not having my dc's pics up, Why?

He was a heavy alcoholic for 30+ yrs, he stopped because he was told if he didn't he'd die. I wasn't around when he stopped, was in a controlling d/v r/s in France, and I think the fact I wasn't here for support, whereas 'darling' sister was is part of the problem....