To be slightly pi**ed off with my mum?

[ChezzaB]

Please don't get me wrong here my mum is fantastic and looks after DS while myself and DP work and I know I am really lucky for that, but she turned round the other day and said " oh you wait you'll be calling me all the time when DS2 is born cos you won't be able to cope" I mean WTF! Maybe I am being over sensitive as I am 28weeks pregnant but that really annoyed me! She then went on to say you wait till they hit the terrible twos then you definately won't be able to cope you'll be calling asking me to take one or both of them off you etc!

I think what annoyed me the most is that when I talk to her bout how I know it will be difficult for the first few years when DS2 comes as there is only 17mo between them she always comes back with "well how do you think I did it with twins and I was on my own!!!" So evidently I'm just a crap mum!!!

Sorry on a role here also whenever I say anything bout DS like oh he said his first word the other day she always has to reply not with oh thats good but with some brilliant achievment that my DN has done! DS is 14 mo and DN is 9mo! Its so frustrating!!! So AIBU?

Yanbu.

YANBU and it's not just your hormones. My mum seems to think the whole parenting thing is a competition. She ALWAYS had it harder and did it better! I can't moan (or boast) about my DD's without her either making out her experience was more profound or telling me about her other wonderful grandchildren!

I now find myself regularly tutting at her and reminding her that it's not a competition! See if that helps.

Nope YANBU and you're not a crap mum either!

My mum gave me my first proper compliment about my parenting skills three weeks ago - my children are 5 and 7 years old so I know exactly where you're coming from. Previously the closest she'd got was to say that if she'd had any concerns, she'd have called social services already.

you mentioned she was on her own, maybe she is a little jealous that you have her support and she didnt have anything like that? OR she is very glad that she can give you what she didnt have and is kind of thinking out loud when she reminds you that you have her

It's very frustrating (my mum annoys the out of me at times) but you'll just have to distance yourself from the comments or pay for someone who won't push all your buttons. your mum will push them as she installed them in the first place.

yanbu, I am dreading my fil and my dad meeting the baby when she's born, they always know better...

YANBU to feel annoyed/frustrated with your mum's comments, but do try to put it into perspective as others have suggested. Your mum is on her own; she provides free childcare for you; she is probably seeking validation from you and doesn't realise that she is upsetting you.

It sounds quite trivial doesn't it, but I know exactly what you mean! When I found out I was pregnant with No. 3 (which meant I would have 3 kids under 5) my mum was really cross with me because she said I wouldn't be able to cope. To be fair I think a lot of it was frustration that she lives too far away and even then was getting too old to visit too often. Then when I had 3 if she knew my DH was away she would ring up and immediately say, "How are you coping?" or, even worse, "Are you coping?". It used to infuriate me so much that in the end I told her it did and she stopped saying it! Maybe you could just say to your mum that you find her comments a bit hurtful and it would be nice if she had more confidence in your ability to cope.

My mum did this to me the whole time I was pregnant, saying things like I better make a nursery at her house as baby would be there as i wouldn't cope! made me want to prove her wrong, which i did (smug smile)!
Ignore her and prove her wrong!