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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

bicycle scratches car....

28 replies

bumpybecky · 28/05/2009 20:16

dd1 was riding a friend's bicycle (which was too big for her, unlike her very own bike we'd bought for her the evening before which fitted her fine....) and managed to wobble into a parked car causing some damage. The car she hit was an Audi and there was a small dent and scratch to one of the panels at the back. The owner has taken it to a garage for a quote and it's going to cost £ 172.50 to be fixed

AIBU to ask the owner to get another quote done as that seems so much money and AIBU to expect dd1 to pay for part of the repair from her pocket money?

I am so angry with dd1 over so money ongoing issues with lying / behaviour / trust that I'm doubting myself here.

Extra info probably not necessary, but don't want to do the stealth thing....

-dd1 is (just) 11, was riding on the pavement (not done her bikeability yet)
-car was parked on the road in a bay that is by set of flats where there are constantly children playing
-pocket money is £2.20 a week so that's 78 weeks of pocket money to pay in full! (was thinking of asking her to pay £ 50 - £75 ish)
-she can earn more money by doing jobs (but refuses to do so)

thanks oh wiseones

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 28/05/2009 20:22

I would ask for another quote but that doesn't sound excessive to me. I worked in a car repairers, in admin, and it is amazing how much a small repair can be.

Labour alone is usually £20-25 per hour. That isn't including the cost of paint.

silverfrog · 28/05/2009 20:22

why was she riding friend's bike and not her own?

don't think you are BU to ask for another quote, but don't think it'll be very different...

I would be tempted to get a child of mine to part pay at that age - she had no need to be riding a bike too big for her, etc,etc.

BUT she did the right thing owning up to it (assuming she did, and was not jsut caught in the act) - it is a big thing to take responsibility for. Also, how did she take the responisibility?

OTOH, I would not like the attitude of refusing to take on extra jobs to pay for part of it - this type of attitude would put my back right up.

Tricky one, really, and I don't think I've been much help, sorry.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 28/05/2009 20:23

Ooh tricky as it wasn't her fault, these sorts of things do happen, she didn't do it on purpose. Messing around on her mates bike is normal playing.

YANBU to ask them to get another quote but these things are very expensive.

Can you get her to do the jobs to earn the money to pay off say £50 rather than docking her money forver and a day? Or give her a choice, she's paying £50 and it's up to her how quickly she wants to pay it off.

Obvously if you have reason to think she did it on purpose or anything then that's different.

Original poster
bumpybecky · 28/05/2009 20:28

I don't think she owned up (that would ber very unlike her!) and I've been told the owner saw it happen.

I was just shocked at the cost - we've never had a car that was worth having scratches repaired!

I doubt very much she damaged the car on purpose (that's not her style of trouble).

OP posts:
myredcardigan · 28/05/2009 20:28

Firstly, well done for letting the car owner know. Not only was it decent of you but it's setting an excellent example to your DD.

Secondly, I recently had a small nic repaired on the side panelof my car and the panel painted. It cost £310. So you may find the next quote more expensive.

I don't think it's unreasonable for a girlof her age to understand the concept of responsibility and contributing to putting right her mistake though I'd encourage paying her for small jobs.

Original poster
bumpybecky · 28/05/2009 20:29

meant to say, I was out when it happened, so not completely sure what happened when.

I only go out all by myself once a month. DH was in charge.

OP posts:
LovelyTinOfSpam · 28/05/2009 20:33

What's DHs take on it?

Gorionine · 28/05/2009 20:34

I must be too soft, I would never ask my DD to pay with her own noney, even half of it. If Your DH was in charge maybe HE should pay?

Original poster
bumpybecky · 28/05/2009 20:36

DH is a bit shell shocked due after his hysterical hormonal wife exploded at him earlier about lack of help with the housework

we're not having good week...

OP posts:
Pan · 28/05/2009 20:36

make dh pay for it. Adult in charge. Comfortably in range for criminal responsibility. Should have anticipated it. On his watch. His daughter - recklessness part of HIS genes. That sort of thing.

silverfrog · 28/05/2009 20:37

so she was playing, bumped the car by accident, was overseen, and it all stems form there?

has she accepted responsibility for it, or denyig she did it?

I like LTOS's idea of telling her that she is paying X amount, either the easy way or the hard way (either take on jobs, or have no money for a loooong time), but if you two are at loggerheads normally, that's not going to help anything, really.

ButtercupWafflehead · 28/05/2009 20:37

"she can earn more money by doing jobs (but refuses to do so)"

er.... she's 11. She RUFUSES??? so what?!

Tell her she's paying back £x, she can have it docked from her pocket money for however long, or she can do jobs to get it paid quickly.

She caused the damage, accident or no. She has some responsibility to make it right, you are offering her a perfectly reasonable way to do so.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 28/05/2009 20:42

Pan is right.

Down to him to sort it all out.

Let him deal with it.

Open some wine

Original poster
bumpybecky · 28/05/2009 20:46

that's just it Silverfrog - I do not have an easy relationship with dd1 and we argue a lot. I am to blame for everything obviously.

I can either have complaints for months that she's lost her pocket money or huge argument every time I make her do jobs to pay it back.

She has accepted that she damanged the car, but only as she was seen by the owner as she did it. No denying it really. She doesn't normally do responsibility. Nothing is ever her fault. That's why I think she needs to pay something toards this repair. She can't get away with everything every time.

OP posts:
Original poster
bumpybecky · 28/05/2009 20:47

ooh cross posts - I'm going with LovelyTinOfSpam's suggestion!

OP posts:
bellavita · 28/05/2009 20:52

DS1 after being told countless times not to take his bike down drives when he calls on his friends caught the side of a car. We had to stump up around £140 so I don't think the cost is unreasonable. The neighbour had a mobile chap come round to fix it. She asked if we wanted to take her car to get another quote from somewhere else basically saying to me that she wasn't going to use her time up taking it to a garage and the fact that she would also have to leave it and get someone to bring her back which is fair enough.

Kids are kids though and they swap bikes to ride (not that I am a fan of this) but they have to suck up the consequences.

I would get her to do extra jobs around the house whether she likes it or not.

kitsmummy · 28/05/2009 20:52

Yes, make her pay towards the cost, particularly as she wouldn't have admitted to it had she not been seen. Also, the quote sounds v reasonable, I would have expected it to be more than that. The owner will have been inconvenienced already ref getting quotes, taking it in to be fixed etc so as the general consensus on here seems to be that it's reasonable, I wouldn't ask him to get another quote

bumpsoon · 28/05/2009 20:53

id bite their hand off with the first quote if its an Audi ,doesnt sound like dealership prices to me .

bloss · 28/05/2009 20:54

Message withdrawn

Heated · 28/05/2009 20:58

Jmo: She pays towards it out of her pocket money - £50 worth sounds reasonable - and you also 'offer her the opportunity' (see what I did there?) to extra chores to work the money off quicker - (attach a value to the chores) - tell her to make a chart so she can track it.

And in a double whammy of parental sneakiness, you could tell her you're pleased she owned up/is taking responsibility/setting a excellent example - it's very grown up (thanking her for what she hasn't yet done is favourite manoeuvre when dealing with recalcitrant teenagers)

Original poster
bumpybecky · 28/05/2009 21:13

I know I said case closed but....

She hit the car because she was wobbling badly to cycle around the car (pavement curves around the parking bay) she doesn't wobble on her bike, but does on the friend's as it's too big for her

She didn't have approval to ride her friend's bike. In fact DH is quite cross about this as he'd gone to considerable trouble that day to repair and set up the bike we'd bought her the previous evening. She had been allowed out to practice on her new bike and has an accident on someone else's.

I do believe it was an accident, but she probably wouldn't have had it if she'd been on her own bike. Sigh.

One of the issues we have with her is that every time we give her an extra bit of freedom she pushes it further and messes up. In this case she was allowed out on her bike, she didn't stick to that, went on a friend's bike and it went wrong. It's a pattern with her - she was allowed to walk to school by herself for the first time one morning last term. She decided to pinch money from me and go to the shops for sweets on the way. Today for the first time I asked her to go to the shop to buy bread for lunch (very close by, 10 mins max, bread we had was moudly, 4 kids all hungry and I had to wait in to sign for a courier delivery). She decides to go home via the same sweet shop, spends the change from the bread and then lies about it.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 28/05/2009 21:19

Agree with kitsmummy. The poor car owner was nowhere near their blinkin car when it was scratched. Now due to no fault of their own they had to get a quote from a garage,will have to leave it in the garage, presumably without a replacement until its fixed.

bellavita · 28/05/2009 21:22

I think using friends stuff is always more exciting than using their own and I have a 9 yr old who would always like to swap. Kids will always do this.

But, the money thing is a different matter altogether. I think at 11 she is responsible enough to know that is stealing.

Is she rebelling with these things because she needs more freedom? The walking to school thing... I would have thought by now she should have been walking to school by herself for a lot longer. Perhaps for an 11 year old you are not giving her enough freedom to start with?

Original poster
bumpybecky · 28/05/2009 21:33

It's fairly pointless letting her walk herself to school as I go exactly the same route at the same time to walk dd2 to her school!

She is allowed to walk home by herself if she's coming home at a different time to her sister due to afterschool activities and it's still light (so not if she's late in the winter term)

The stealing is a long standing issue and we're supposed to be getting help from CAMHS about it. It does mean we do limit her freedom as we can't trust her in many situations due as she pinches things

I was determined not to do an AIBU by stealth too!

From what you've all said it sounds like the quote is reasonable and I do agree that it's not fair on the owner to have to run about sorting this out. So I think we'll accept this quote.

and I meant to say Heated your level of sneakiness impresses me. Clearly I have much to learn! Is there more of your wisdom on the teenagers MN board? is there even a teenagers board?!

OP posts:
PM73 · 28/05/2009 21:42

That quote sounds v.v reasonable,i would snatch their hands off before they take it to an Audi garage & the price triples.

I agree she should pay towards the cost,in fact i think if you dont she will just think her actions have no consequences & you will probably be making a rod for your own back.

I think that idea someone else had of making a chart with different chores & prices on is a great idea.

If it were me i would also be tempted to ground her over the weekend too.

Hope it works out for you in whatever you decide to do.