to expect dp to help in the night when exceptional cicumstances??

[6inchnipples]

Dp works full time. I stay at home 3 kids all under 5.

Dp has job that is/he finds stressful. Has been busy for past year or so.

Kids not great sleepers. Older 2 ok now but baby at 8 mnths still feeds alot during night. We co sleep and by his choice dp sleeps in spare bed so he can cope with work and get a better nights sleep. He will attend to older ones when they rarely wake up for a pee etc.

Last night baby up constantly, much more than usual and by 2.30am i had had enough of having my nipple chewed and my boob nipped. I changed nappy, dose of paracetamol incase teething or some pain somewhere and it didn't help. When awake at this point baby happy enough, not crying just awake (hadn't over slept in day, infact was really clingy and only slept 2 shortish naps, thinking maybe teeth or just phase...not really the point of thread anyway...)

Today i have to make an essential 4 hour drive with all 3 kids. I went thru to dp in night and asked that he take over to let me get a little sleep so i could do the drive as safely as poss etc... I was met with 'oh i'm shattered.. i've got work ..' and general bad vibes. I was so pissed about his lack of support i couldn't get to sleep in spare bed, didn't help that baby was crying in next room.

Pissed off he was so unhelpful in night. I know he has work but i never have a full nights sleep until our babies start to sleep thru and that is never before a year or so. I'm shattered too.

Pissed of he just lay in bed with baby instead of doing some more to keep the crying down so i could actually sleep for a bit. I never let baby cry during night as i know it'll wake everyone else (very small house)

Tired gutted and pissed off. AIBU????

wolf i couldn't agree more that parenting is a very stressful and tiring job too. i find it much harder than a day at work and i found work fairly stressful at times.

to be honest i'm happy to do it 99% of the time, i'm just pissed at the lack of sympathy from him at doing a 4 hour journey after v little sleep,

violet i also understand your point of view. i hated having to get up and go to work when id been up at night with dc1 (worst sleeper) but once i was there i found it not too bad.

i think its hard both ways.

Try the neighbours girl. Get her in for an afternoon and leave the two older ones with her for an hour while you take the baby to the supermarket.

And try not to get into a "I have had less sleep than you and have had a worse, more stressful day" competition with your DH. I don't think that one is easier than the ohter, work or SAHM. Both have their moments of absolute madness where you just want to hide under the desk/bed.

Just a thought mrsjammi but you talk about how difficult it could be for you DH to function safely at work after broken ngiths sleep, the same applies to you as a mother. You are in a position of responsibility - do you not think exhaustion, particularly chronic exhaustion could affect your ability to do your 'job' effectively and safely.

I absolutely respect that its your choice. But to me, parenting is a joint responsibility whether one or both parents work outside the home. There are ways to compromise and share that responsibility that don't involve one partner taking the full weight of childcare day and night - alternate nights, planning the week so particularly stressful days at work are catered for etc.

I suspect my perception is coloured by the fact that its been me thats gone out to work and DH stayed at home with the babies. I would NEVER have dreamed of staying in bed while he got up with the kids in the night and now he's back at work we take it in turns to get up if the kids need us.

I agree with mrsjammi - I think it's easier for you to drop a gear if you're at home. And right now, every employer is looking very hard at their employees so it really isn't the time to start dropping the ball. Better to have one of you in a job surely?

Ahh you only have one child, that explains an awful lot. Its a whole different story when you have 2 or even 3 children and as they get older

And as I pointed out, I respect your choice and was not being critical of it, merely raising a thought

No you don't! Please completely ignore that last post, sorry

Crikey! You do have your hands full! I'm supposed to be working at the mo so apparently not giving my full attention to anything

I can get quite militant about the whole parenting partnership thing. I do see your point about your DH's work schedule but think that for me I would ultimately feel very resentful and unsupported.

With DS1 I started back to work at 6 months (lucky for me I work freelance from home) and very much felt the pressure as mum to be the one getting up to and comforting the baby, he too was a bad sleeper. I also thought, well DH has got him all day on top of trying to renovate the house blah blah blah but in the end found I simply couldn't do it all. In our bumbling way we figured out that it worked far better it we both shouldered the responsibility day and night. Often we'd get up together, made the whole process more bearable and less of a chore and in fact quicker.

With DS2 things just slotted together like clockwork and I can honestly say neither of us have ever felt the kind of chronic sleep deprivation we did with DS1. We've both always got up to them in the night and there's no question that when one is ill or has a long/heavy day at work the next day, the other is on call so to speak.