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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that if I say I don't want my picture taken I mean I don't want it taken . END OF!

42 replies

shinyshoes · 26/05/2009 23:47

I hate it, I hate it with a fucking vengence. I'm not being precious, I hate it.

I have balloooned in recent years, I mean BALLOONED. I was at a pary a couple of weeks ago and I told everyone around me I didn't want my picture being taken. I have terrible self esteem issues as it is I hate it to the point I cry.

I was at a party a couple of weeks ago and as said to people I don't mind you taking pictures of people around me just don't get me in the photo.
I have since seen photos of me from my sisters on Facebook. They know exactly how I feel about myself, what self esteem issues I have and giggled about 'ooh you'll be in trouble when she sees this LOL ' 'I wouldn't like to be in your shoes etc'

These pictures are plastered for all to see. One woman whom I have not seen for about 20 years said 'OMG is that Shiny!!'
They have taken pictures of me where I hadn't noticed. I knew they were up to something when they giggled.
I asked them not to do it, they thought it funny, They just don't get it.

I know it's a problem I need to address but to me it's bullying, I don't like something they are doing and they are doing it regardless AIBU?

OP posts:

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 27/05/2009 10:25

First part of that message was about being able to get photos of you removed from facebook. Wasn't clear.

paisleyleaf · 27/05/2009 10:25

YANBU

I hate my teeth just now, and try to ensure my mouth is shut if I'm aware of a camera around.
And I just don't photograph well anyway.

I've got a terrific camera and do take pretty good photos so family photos are mostly taken by me, and I'm not in so many. I completely understand that there should be pics of me in the family, for DD to look back on. So I do make sure I get in some.

But facebook is a whole different thing from our home or extended family collection.
I would be feeling upset too.
I hope they remove them for you

Original poster

shinyshoes · 27/05/2009 11:28

an update.

The photos have been removed. She removed one of them after I threw a shitfit on FB about them.

I phoned her this morning and she said she's left the other one up, the one with the headshot only. I still told her I wanted it removed and she called me melodramatic. Even when I was on the phone crying to her how much it was upsetting me she still didn't get it. .

She has now posted on her status 'I wish some people weren't so dramatic and get with the program ' I know this is aimed at me but I don't care I'm happier the photos have been removed.

I know I have to work on my self confidence and self esteem issues but I was hoping for a little more understanding from her. I have not been on FB since I saw they'd been taken off, no doubt my other sister has now joined in having a good laugh about it.

OP posts:

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 27/05/2009 11:35

Aaw, you poor thing. How unpleasant to have your own sisters not even attempt to understand your point of view. Have you always had problems with them? I would have thought they'd have understood the facebook thing at least, since most of us have ex-boyfriends and things on facebook who you don't want to see you looking awful. I really think your sisters need a taste of their own medicine, shiny!

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 27/05/2009 11:53

Have you always been quite sensitive? Because, while your sisters are being unkind to you, if they have had years of you being easily hurt, they may hvae become exasperated by it to the point of being cruel, because it is exasperating when one person in a group/family/whatever is a lot more sensitive than everyone else.
I am not saying you need to toughen up to stop people bullying you, because people shouldn't bully you. But you should try to toughen up for your own sake.

juneybean · 27/05/2009 11:59

YANBU!!!! It's fucking horrible, I asked my supposed friend to delete several pictures from her facebook and she didn't so is no longer a friend!

There was even the same commentary "Oh she'll kill you when she finds out"

Wankers!

wotulookinat · 27/05/2009 12:01

YANBU. I am in the same boat as you, but I have managed to stop worrying about it now, because I found that the more I protested about having my photo taken, the more they did it.

Original poster

shinyshoes · 27/05/2009 12:37

wotulookin at, that's xactly what happened at this party a couple of weeks ago, I told them I didn't want pictures taken so while I was trying to get away from one sister that was trying to get my photo the other one was taking paictures, and while I was trying to move away from her my aunt stood in the dodorway taking pictyres. She was more understanding and promised she wouldn't show anyone and wanted to keep it for herslf but the other two sisters were laughing whilst one was snapping away and the other was shouting 'got it!!'
Solidgold. Not at all infact i've been described by both sisters as quite hard and not at all sensitive. I like to think I have this toughness and that nothing affects me, It does and I don't like to show my vulnerable side to people. I shrug alot of stuff of or sometimes I have this black and white attitude an 'if I can't change it i'm not going to dwell on it' kind of attitude there's not really alot that gets to me , this does though.
I beat myself up all the time about my weight, I find myself repulsive and disgusting and to be reminded of the fact i'm disgusting and repulsive by seeing a picture of myself affects me hard.
I am losing weight, slowly, but it's going and I have alot to lose so at the moment there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. I haven't always been big though, I was always a very slim woman it's just the weight crept on and , well, you know how it goes. .
It's not just a weight issue though I find fault with all of me from the top of my head to my toes.

I am still very down about the whole episode today, which is unlike me, I would have woke up this morning and thought 'oh well, another day' and get on with things.

This photo taking thing really bothers me to the point my sister is having her son christened in July and I'm seriously thinking of not going because people will have cameras. I know the day isn't about me but I have this morbid fear of not being able to stop anyone taking a picture of me.

OP posts:

wotulookinat · 27/05/2009 12:42

Shinyshoes - I could show you some pictures that would make you feel better! I am a big lady anyway, and when I was pregnant I had serious water retention, so I was the size of a very large whale. When I had my son christened when he was three months old I was still HUUUGEE! There are pictures to prove it - CAT me and I'll add you to facebook and you can see.
Honestly, the best thing is to not make a fuss. People are being extremely insensitive by doing it but they think it's funny.

juneybean · 27/05/2009 13:01

It's also like, just because you don't express you don't certain parts they think that you love your body and dont have a problem with embarrassing pic.

But for me, I know I am big but I'm not the sort of person who will moan aloud so I think my friends think I'm not bothered but it's very hurtful when take horrible pics and don't remove them from public domain.

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 27/05/2009 22:44

The only thing you can really do is not rise to it, Shiny. Whatever shitty sibling meanness is at the bottom of it, the more you react, the more they will carry on. Remember that the people who care for you are not going to be put off you by an unflattering photo, they will not give it a second thought. And if you can stop showing that it bothers you, then they will stop chasing you with camera phones, as your indifference will mean that it stops being funny to tease you.

oneplusone · 27/05/2009 22:56

YANBU at all. I also hate having my photo taken since I seem to have aged about 25 years in the space of 6 years since having my DC's. I look horrendous and I do not want to see myself in a photo.

It is totally disrespectful, unkind and bullying to take a photo of somebody if they have asked you not to and even worse to post it on FB. And even worse that your sisters did it. But then I have a couple of nasty sisters too so i can well understand that sort of behaviour.

ChippingIn · 27/05/2009 23:56

Shineyshoes - is the christening for the son of one of the sisters in question (no idea how many sisters you have! LOL)?? If it is, I would decline the invitation and tell her that until she can pay you some respect she can fuck off leave you alone.

Your Nephew wont know or care that you aren't there and it might make her think twice about being such a bitch and even if it doesn't you are still sparing yourself another camera nightmare.

Hugs, from another less than svelte MN'er, who completely understands your aversion to being in front of the camera x It's bad enough living it, but seeing it in print is quite something else isn't it

sunnydelight · 28/05/2009 00:15

You have my total sympathy, I too hate having my photo taken and to post them on FB after you specifically asked not to have your photo taken is a total lack of respect. I actually think FB is the spawn of the devil, but that's another thread

Theimperialcharliecat · 28/05/2009 00:25

I am totally with you OP I too have become larger over the years and get very upset when a 'friend' tags me into a picture of me usually looking the worse for wear (as that is the ONLY time I will consent to having my photo taken} and next to said 'friend' looking gorgeous. If I want everyone to see how big my double chin has grown I will fluffin well tag it myself thanks
So no YANBU

expatinscotland · 28/05/2009 00:42

YANBU.

NO photos of me except for official purposes like passports.

Otherwise, hell hath no furry.

fortyplus · 28/05/2009 00:45

I work for my local council and we have to get a signed permission slip before we publish a person's photo, unless they are in a fairly large group with nothing to identify them.

However, don't you think that you should turn your hatred of having your photo taken to positive use? Print some off and stick them next to the biscuit tin. Make it your incentive to take more exercise, eat less and lose weight.

It was seeing myself in a photo that made me lose 2 stone

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