To not want DH to tell 3yo dd that baby in my belly is making me sick?

[pavlovthecat]

I am suffering from hypermesis. Poor DD has witnessed constant sickness from me over the weeks. I am now medicated and mostly ok. She is very empathic and asking me if I am ok when I am sick, telling DH I am being poorly, very concerned. I have been telling her that yes mummy just feeling a bit poorly but will be better soon. I have also tried hard to not be sick when she will notice, or to sneak off and try to be quiet, not keep it from her as much as possible (as it has been a lot).

This evening, I was sick straight after tea and she went running into see DH, 'mummy is poorly again?' Usually he would be similar to me - mummy is ok, she just ate too fast , or something like that.

DD came into me in the bedroom after I went to lie down and said 'why the baby hurting you mamma? why the baby hurting you?. It broke my heart as she really thought the baby was hurting me. I told her the baby was not hurting me, just wriggled around and made my belly go funny, but it did not hurt at all.

I then mentioned it to DH and he said 'yes, I told her the baby was making you poorly'.

We have now had a disagreement about this. He said we need to be truthful with her whenever possible, and not to lie to her, he said he had to tell her something as he does not want her to just think I am ill all the time. I said she was too young to understand the concept of the baby making me unwell and what that actually means and I did not want her to see the new baby in any kind of negative light, and that I would prefer to minimise the sickness as much as possible and for her to just think I am poorly a lot atm, in time she will forget this, but is less likely to forget the potential feelings of resentment at the baby 'hurting me' He insisted he would not lie to her.

She is 3 years old in 1 month.

AIBU and or he BU?

I third The house inside my Mummy - I am 11 weeks pregnant and have been sicker than I have ever been in my life - so lots of empathy and hope you feel better soon. Our son loves this book and seems to understand it. I got it on Ebay for about 99p - worth a look

Oh ebay I did not think of that - going to look for the book now .

ikwym Pavlov, especially about not wanting your DD to have negative associations with the baby.
But I can't say yanbu........more that I would also have been unreasonable.
This has been interesting to read.

Some things are just meant to be - I just looked on ebay for the book, and they are going for £4.50 buy it now!! But there is one at 99p so I have bid on it, not due to end for a couple days but I am hopng no-one else wants it.

Also, she has a pair of topshop skinny maternity jeans in the right length which i have been looking for forever, always sold out in the shops and I don't want to pay £40 plus postage online! Fingers crossed no-one else wants them, her starting price is quite high and that puts people off.

pavlov, hi love.

i've deliberately avoided equating being sick with having a baby in my tummy for ds. i really don't want him to be annoyed with the baby for causing his mummy to be sick. maybe it's being a bit deceitful, but i find it easier to just say that mummy feels a bit sick, but will be better soon. i think it's important for them to know that it's not permanent. the most i say to him is that growing a baby is hard work, and sometimes mummy needs to rest a bit more. good luck!

audrey , that has pretty much been how I have felt about it. We are compromising. Mentioning new baby in relation to the sickness from time to time, but only if she asks now. If she does not ask, we don't say anything, but do reiterate to her that this won't last. It will all stop shortly.

She seems to be taking it in her stride more now, like, oh mummy's sick again, thats just how she is.

pavlov, my boys were much older, 8 and 6 when I had ds3. Now, we had decided not to tell them until 12 weeks, just in case but felt we had to tell them when dh had gastritis for weeks and couldn't eat either and poor ds1 thought there was something seriously wrong with both of us and he was going to be left an orphan. He was relieve to find out that with me it was only pregnancy!

Mind you, they both figured out what was up when I was 6 weeks pg with ds4 and had to jump out of the car to be sick on the lawn!