to sometimes really regret buying a house and giivng up my dream?

[halia]

Last year I sold my house which I bought before I met DH. This was part of a plan for us to move to the country (acheived) by selling first my old house and then our family house to free up cash.
Well we found a place (needs work) in a lovely town in glorious surroundings which suits DS so much. Apart from the housin crash which means we havnt' managed to sell our family house yet its all going to plan.

BUT, the cash I had (for 2 months) in a bank account last year would have funded my entire MA and PHd fees with just enough to rent somewhere nr the university plus basic living expenses for at least 2-3 years depending on how careful I was.
I wouldn't have been dependant on DH for money at all and I would have had that freedom of knowing it was solely MY choice and MY responsibility to make decisions.

I would have been skint, I wouldn't have had a house of my own, DS and me would have had to live in a rented teeny tiny place for at least 5 years and when I finished I wouldn't have any savings for a deposit or anything.

and... it meant (in my head) splitting from DH. Now there's a whole host of issues around DH and my relationship and splitting up has been discussed a few times but we've decided to stick it out. Right now however I am relaly regreted my decision. Its not so much that DH and me are arguing again - actally we are generally doing BETTER in our relationship than we were 2-3 months ago. Its just that I feel so stuck.

DH works away (nr our old family house) during the week and I havn't got a job up here yet. I spend nearly all my time doing solo childcare and of course i havnt' yet got good friends to share/chat/ with (I am making aquintances but only been here 2 months).

I'm quite frankly bored to tears alot of the time, scared of the long summer holidays still trying to study p/t for a lesser qualification and very very tired.

I feel old, and trapped. Its like everything I wanted to do is slowly drifting away from me. We've both made compromises on what we'd really like to be doing with our life but i'm no longer sure if this is right for either of us.

I don't know what to do, the money is all tied up now and there are good things about where we are - especially for DS.

This isn't the life I want though.

BTW sort this out NOW because otherwise you will end up poisoning the relationship with resentment.

I moved countries to be with my DH but he insisted on me finding a job here first and pushed me to be independant - thank goodness.

Otherwise I would definitely be resenting him (for that - plenty of other things to resent instead!) by now.

Its not that I want to leave DH, last year we went through some rough times but managed to pull through them together.
The move was actually part of our longer term life plan (get out of the city we were living in and into better schools/area for DS and better countryside for me and DH).
I think what I was trying to say was that IF last eyar we had split up instead of deciding to make a go of it I would have at that point had a lump sum in my name only from the sale of my old house. I wouldn't have felt I had to drag me and DH through the thorny issue of maintanance I could have just moved to Durham City itself with DS to start an MA - knowing I had enough money to cover rent/living expenses as well as fees to study f/t for at least 3 years.

Because we decided to stick together we moved into a more rural area - something I would never have considered on my own as I am not allowed to drive. We agreed a game plan of 6-12 months to get house sorted and DS settled in school. Once we were settled and sold up, then DH would give up his job and look for local p/t work or freelance whislt I went back into f/t work or a mixture of work and MA/PhD study sometime in 2010.

Now that DH is saying he plans to stay at work for longer + he isn't around as much as I had hoped at weekends I'm feeling as if I might have made the wrong choice back last summer.

I want to do politics - specifically democracy and legitimacy in the UK government, have wanted to do it for 3-4 years but its sort of highly relevent and topical right now

So I have a new game plan:
if DH really wants to stay in his job past August of next year then he has to negotiate a 4 day week.
I will enroll on the MA f/t and hopefully that will mean I can still manage school run alot of the time but DH is around for at least one day of the week to help me out.
After that I should stand a better chance of getting funding for a PhD, if I dont' get funded I'll tackle it p/t and one way or another I'll work out the finances side of it.

oh and if DH says he wants to chuck his job and study himself then I'll put my study on hold and work f/t for a while to support us.

Sounds like a good plan. I know when I did my MSC - a taught masters rather than research...although was in research methods - the uni were sensible enough to organise all lectures for one day - a monday. I then fitted the required reading / assignments etc in in the evening.

Good luck!

peppapig - thats what I'm hoping. If all the lectures are on 1 or 2 days I can fit the rest in whilst DS is at school or look for p/t local work.