For being so upset over this comment?

[ConnieComplaint]

Bit of background:

I am one of five girls in a family & we are all very close.

Lately I have been following the slimming world plan, as has one of my sisters (K).

She texts me from time to time (most days to be fair) to ask how I'm getting on & I reply, or I text her what's on my menu & ask her how she's doing... it's more of a support system that anything else if you understand.

Anyway, K text me Friday a/noon asking for dinner ideas - again, this isn't unusual, we do this as sometimes if you eat the same thing it can get boring..

So I replied to her with what I was having if it would offer her any inspiration. It's always done in a jokey way, or if we've done something 'naughty', we 'confess' (God that sounds so dicky but someone might know what I mean?)

But on Friday evening another sister (F) was in K's house when I replied & I told her what I was having, also confessing to having something a little naughty earlier (a biscuit!!)

I was chatting to F yesterday & she happened to comment in passing that when she was in K's on Friday, K received a text from someone, she said she read the text out to her husband & they both laughed & K scoffed "Why does she do that? Is she looking for my permission to have a biscuit or what? As if I care what she eats!"

F genuinely didn't realise the text was from me or there's no way she would have told me.. (She was just telling me as part of something else) I just felt (and still feel) gutted. I thought we were being supportive of each other, I was replying to her original text.... I never want permission from her, it makes me feel hurt (am I being stupid to feel hurt over this?)

The thing is, K can be very 'bitchy', I know this, she often is with other people, but I never in one million years thought I would be the object of her comments

K actually text me this morning but I can't bring myself to reply...

Please, if you think I am BU, be gentle, I am so hurt that my sister, who knows how much support I appreciate, thinks so little of me.

I think you need to be conscious of the fact that you have heard the comment via a third party and one who didn't know the text was from you. It is so easy to misinterpret things even if you have heard it first hand and then people like to embellish or exaggerate when they pass things on.

I don't think YABU to be hurt if what was said was true but don't feel hurt before you know the full story.

Do you feel you can (is it worth?) asking K about it?

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

Is K the sort to say things to look good in front of others?

I don't really know, K is a c/minder & is always talking about the children she minds (I don't know them or their parents as they live in a different place than me)

I guess I am used to her saying things about others, and I know she did say this, F had no reason to lie. And the text she said she read out was mine, word for word

I can't believe I'm as hurt as I am.

No, it's not worth getting F into shit over it, I guess I'll just keep my distance.

out of the 5 girls, K is the only one who I ever hear talking about people, I think she must have a faulty gene.

My other sisters would rather eat their own tongues than make nasty comments, which is why I know F told me completely innocently.

I think I'd feel hurt in the same circumstances too.

I get exactly what you are saying. You feel like they are having a good old laugh behind your back, and all that you and 'K' had been sharing was it genuine. Hope i am right here. I know you sound upset and I can see why, at this moment in time when you are trying to loose a bit of weight you need support. I would totally ignore it, If you can. I do not think for one moment she thinks so little of you. Try and talk to her about it and get it off your chest it will make you feel so much better, Good Luck x

Sorry you are feeling like this. I hope it doesn't put you off your healthy eating plan because it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job, even just giving it a go!

I would be really upset at this too. I definately don't think you are being unreasonable. Your sister sounds a bitch. If you are brave enough, could you perhaps tell her calmly and confidently that F told you this, without realising that the sender of the text was you, and tell her if she would rather not be supportive partners in this, then it's her choice, but it's ok by you. You sound like you have the determination to do this alone anyway.

Best of luck with your sister and your diet.

shame yo u had to hear it, but she is your sister, i am sure she wasnt meaning it in a really nasty way.
doyou never make comments about your sisters?

Thanks girls,

Luvoneson, that's exactly it, you've hit the nail on the head. I feel all we've shared has been one-sided, that perhaps she's been laughing at me behind my back for longer & I've only just realised it.

Lola, I do have the determination to do it myself, I was doing it myself before she started & was doing well.

I can't even tell DH this, I am far too hurt to admit that someone who I actually looked up to, would say something like this.

Though, I'm not really surprised, what the hell made me think I was immune to her comments? When she text me this morning it was to enquire about DH & another BIL who were at the pub last night... now I just think she wants info to gossip ~ last week I wouldn't have thought like this

Slarty, not like that I don't.

I'd never be snidey like that. I know I must sound like Mary Poppins, but I love my sisters, they are my best friends.

YANBU to be hurt.

But some people are just bitchy/gossipy - they probably don't even mean to be hurtful. I have some friends like that, and it is always in the back of my mind that if they're saying things about other people to me, then they're probably saying things about me to other people.

If it was my sister I would say something to her about it - even though I would also feel like I was making a mountain out of a molehill - cos otherwise it would continue to bother me.

Oh ouch! I would be devastated if my sister was mean about me behind my back.
I would just stop texting her completely. If she's bright, she'll figure out something is wrong.

Why didn't you tell F it was you the text was from?? I would have told her, then she would probably have tackled K herself, and told her you are upset.

I'd suggest the next time K is bitchy about anybody you all agree to gently ask her to try and be a nicer person. Say something like 'Oh K, that's a bit mean, don't be like that'.

I think you should let F know it's bothering you as well. If it all blows up, she'll be bewildered if you haven't told her it was you.

Just realised I wrote something that came out wrong - didn't mean 'if she's bright' that sounds awful! I'm sure she'll figure out something is wrong is what i meant, sorry

YANBU - next time she texts confessing to a naughty treat reply saying "so what, you don't need my permission"

I like SPBs suggestion!

YANBU, poor you. I'd feel really hurt too. My sister recently did something similar and it sucks! I can understand that you don't want to speak to DH about it, I felt the same when I was hurt by my sister.

On another note, well done you for sticking to the plan. I put on 4 stone with DS and lost it all in 10 months on SW (I'm 38.5 weeks with DS2 and put on 3 with him - I'll be starting SW again as soon as I've popped).

Keep it up, it's a brilliant plan. Don't let your sister put you off - oh and come on here for moral support!

The only way you'll get around this (without it poisoning your relationship for some time) is to be completely open.

Tell K what F said. You won't get her into trouble, because F didn't know the text was from you.

And say you're hurt, and that you thought you were both supporting each other.

Give K a chance to realise what she's done - perhaps it'll make her realise her bitchy comments can have repercussions.

Big hugs and well done for doing something about your weight.

YANBU at all!

I would be very annoyed.

I've done SW in the past and I know exactly what u mean about the support and confessing to the little naughty things.

Sounds like she was just being high and mighty infront of the hubby!

Sod her, actually I'd send her a text saying how you feel.

Keep it up and well done, I'll be back on SW when I get this baby out!

Thanks everyone.

I spoke to F about it this evening & told her it was me who sent the text. She was so annoyed with herself, she was worried I thought she had told me on purpose, but I know she didn't & told her so.

I asked her what I should do & she said she was going to say something to K. But DH was there at the time & he reckoned we should say nothing as K doesn't speak to her Dhs family over something similar & he thinks it would rock the boat a bit.
Also F said that K would think she had ran to me telling tales...when it came about as part of a totally innocent conversation! (F thought it was K's hairdresser sent the text!!)

My mum is ill at the minute & she doesn't need the stress.

I didn't reply to Ks text this morning & she sent me the same one an hour ago

I think I will say what SPB says to say... it will let her know that I know what she said, but at the same time leaving F out of it?

I'd be hurt too. Hope you get it sorted...