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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect bloody manners regarding invites/attendance for DC1's party??!!!

27 replies

FarTooShy · 24/05/2009 00:05

Recent party for DC 1 resulted in no reply from one Mum, even though her Dad is engaged to my mum

Another person ummed and ahhed about coming, said would let me know a few days before the party, said yes they would be there and then didn't turn up at all - with no message, e-mail or text to say they wouldn't be attending and I then find out they are on a weekend jolly..er thanks for letting us know!

I mean food, cakes and party bags with loot are not cheap...I do not want to have to allow for people, only to find it ends up wasted

Ok, the party was lovely, regardless of this, but what happened to manners??!!

OP posts:

nametaken · 24/05/2009 00:12

I'm afraid it's normal for some people to fail to respond to invitations. Not a lot we can do about it really. Could always chase it up I suppose.

lisad123 · 24/05/2009 00:14

not notice and tbh doesnt take much to send a text or call. rude, just dont invite them next year

shockers · 24/05/2009 00:15

People get busy and forget... and then feel dreadful

shockers · 24/05/2009 00:16

before you berate me... it only happened once!

MoominMymbleandMy · 24/05/2009 00:28

It always happens I'm afraid. I used to be quite shameless about nagging one couple of serial offenders because they never replied to a) the invitation, b) follow-up answerphone message, c)follow-up requests in person.

I didn't care if the nagging irritated them because I was sick of them either not turning up or bringing the invited child and an uninvited younger sibling, even at parties where numbers were strictly limited by the venue), no present, and always being late to pick up.

I always felt blackmailed into ensuring there was a spare place for the sibling and an extra party bag, and it pissed me off.

They never got the message but hooray, the DD's at a different school now!

Original poster

FarTooShy · 24/05/2009 17:34

Well this time around it wasn't too bad as wasn't a formal venue but I guess when we go down that route in the future, I'll have to be much more rigid about numbers

Really annoying though that in this modern age with so many avenues of communication people are still so bloody rude!

OP posts:

fourkids · 24/05/2009 19:48

I am never intentionally rude...but I am disorganised and uber busy (and frankly a bit useless ) and once or twice it has happened that I have stuck an invitation on the notice board, written it in my diary, bought a nice pressie, and thought I'd replied with a 'yes please and thank you very much' when in fact I hadn't got quite that far!

'Sorry' to the mums who have had to ask if DCs were attending parties... again.

luvoneson · 24/05/2009 22:02

You are absolutely right, people are so damm rude, I would never not respond to an invite. Another thing, I always send thank you cards as well. I think I have been bought up with manners alot of people haven't. I would be angry if i were you.

Clary · 24/05/2009 22:06

Yeah I agree.

Someone failed to show for DS1's party last year because (acc to DS1) he got a better offer (Alton Towers) from his dad!

I must say I am punctiilous about replying, and would only miss a party we had said yes to if death or disaster struck!

MissSunny · 24/05/2009 22:08

Message withdrawn

Flibbertyjibbet · 24/05/2009 22:15

Its bloody bad manners but sadly its just normal.

First party for ds1 I stressed about this. 4 Years and another child's parties later, I book for 12 or 15, invite 16 or 20.

I tell the party venue that I have done this and that if more than the booked number turn up then I will pay for them.

So far its worked well and I've usually guessed about right. Cept last dec the week before xmas I had ds1's party in the play area of a mill shopping complex and put on the invite 'please feel free to leave dc in the party while you do some xmas shopping'!!

I should have known better than to say that to 20 busy mums and had 20 kids to pay for

I must say though that I do always reply as early as poss.

I would never nag other parents or send reminders. I just never invite the non-responders again.

TheCrackFox · 24/05/2009 22:16

YANBU.

Where I live it is shocking but some people are twats and it is no reflection on their DCs.

pollywobbledoodle · 24/05/2009 22:22

have always been vocal on the rude not to reply side of the debate....but this halfterm dd 5 bought home 2 invite, 1 past the party date which she had stuffed in her school drawer and forgotten.....cue 1 hurried apology and 1 hurried acceptance

handy hint; at 5yo make sure an adult sees them being handed over, dd got these in the cloakroom

MoominMymbleandMy · 25/05/2009 23:20

Oh, I always allow for oversights, new baby, new job, domestic mishaps etc.

But the serial offenders just plainly didn't care how much they inconvenienced everyone else, so I didn't care how much I annoyed them.

It is a good point about not trusting DCs with invitations, which is one reason why I always made a follow-up call a week or so later, if I hadn't heard anything.

Spero · 25/05/2009 23:23

YANBU and I agree with all who say it is sadly common.

I had 12 acceptances for dd's 4th. Invited all of her nursery class on assumption that most wouldn't come.

luckily granny was helping out and did 25 party bags in fit of enthusiasm. all went. So 13 children had parents who didn't give a damn whether or not their children got fed or got a party bag. Just assumed they could turn up without saying anything.

Bloody, bloody rude but I don't think there is anything you can do but suck it up.

simplesusan · 25/05/2009 23:34

YANBU it is very rude.
I had this at dds party, even though I stated on the invite RSVP as only those who do will be allocated a place (party was at a venue with strict limits on numbers)one parent still brought along older uninviterd sibling -left her other one though so didn't have to bring them-very rude imo.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/05/2009 13:48

agree it is bad manners

it takes 2 mins to send a text, ring or email to say yes or no, or even to pop a note in school bag to give to said child (if of school age)

MollieO · 26/05/2009 13:54

I think it is really rude. People wouldn't do that with a dinner invite so I don't see why they think it is okay with a children's party invite. I've just sent out ds's and included a RSVP deadline 10 days before the party. I will then send those who haven't responded an email with another deadline as I have no wish to be buying food, organising party bags for children who aren't going to come.

WizardNoHeart · 26/05/2009 14:54

This is a big bugbear of mine - my nephew's birthday soon, my sister invited sixteen class mates to an indoor centre.
Out of the sixteen invites she has only had two replies!
She doesn't really know how to contact each and every parent and is left in a quandry as to how many children to confirm for.
It really doesn't take much to pick up a phone and ring her number which she included on each invitation. Such bloody bad manners.

FuriousGeorge · 26/05/2009 18:45

I had 2 mums do this last week,for dd2's birthday.The two are related to eachother and out of all the parents,they were the only ones not too respond.Apparently this is normal behaviour for them,according to other mums,and they like to tell everyone how busy they are.Too busy for good manners obviously.

dilemma456 · 26/05/2009 19:11

Message withdrawn

Podrick · 26/05/2009 19:18

Yup.

It's rude and infuriating. Some parents don't seem to care if you have to pay for a child who doesn't turn up.

I also hate it when children arrive 20 minutes late and the party is the kind where you all have to wait for them before you can start.

My tactic is to actively chase up everyone who has not responded! Any embarrassment about this should be theirs by rights and not yours!

Scotia · 26/05/2009 19:24

Ds1 has 16 classmates, so we invited them all to his first ever birthday party. We booked the venue for 15, thinking one or two wouldn't turn up. Only 7 came to his party, and only 1 non-attender's parents bothered to let us know. I was gutted for him, although luckily he hardly noticed. It won't happen again though.

mrsrawlinson · 26/05/2009 19:44

I got an RSVP from one parent pointing out that her DS was vegetarian. Fair enough, I thought, and duly produced stunning vegetarian meal for their little darling. Assuming that their worthy principles extended to comfectionery, I even made him a special party bag (no gelatin, no Nestle etc.). Did he turn up? Nope. Did his mother even apologise? Absofeckinglutely not. Rude, rude, rude. Kid won't be invited again.

Podrick · 27/05/2009 08:16

The problem is it's not fair to penalise the kids for their parents' rudeness, is it?

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