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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my husband to kiss our baby son?!?!?!?

15 replies

stinkypants · 23/05/2009 19:34

i want our son to grow up being able to show affection but his dad can hardly bring himself to kiss him NOW, what will it be like when he's older?!

OP posts:
MagNacarta · 23/05/2009 19:34

how old is ds?

slowreadingprogress · 23/05/2009 19:41

i agree with you - it's really, really important that your son gets kisses, cuddles, etc from his dad.

Is he generally attentive to his son and kind to him?

Original poster
stinkypants · 23/05/2009 19:41

he's only 3 and a half months!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
stinkypants · 23/05/2009 19:42

yes he adores him and plays with him really lovingly, lots of smiling and being generally lovely just not kissing...

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 23/05/2009 19:43

Was he shown little affection as a wee boy? It might just take a bit of time too if baby is still very young. They can seem very fragile at first.

slowreadingprogress · 23/05/2009 19:44

i wonder why he stops short of kissing him? have you asked him about it?

FabulousBakerGirl · 23/05/2009 19:45

Chill. Honestly. A lot of dads really aren't interested in their babies until they can do more but already he is playing with him. If the only thing wrong in your eyes is he doesn't kiss him, then you are doing fine.

Just because he doesn't kiss him now doesn't mean he never will.

My DH's dad had very little to do with him but DH is a fabulous dad.

WhoDidThat · 23/05/2009 19:47

I had this situation with my dh. When the twins were born he would come home and pat them on the head .... a few months older and he would come in and say hello young man and hello little lady. I would watch him like he was bonkers as i couldn't stop kissing them etc etc and put it down to the fact that this his how he was brought up - very few hugs and kisses although a totally loving family. they just aren't tactile.

Good news is, I carried on as i am, and dh within about 2 years turned into a kissy cuddly guy too. The twins were used to it from me and just expected it from him too and he just gradually became more kissy and cuddly. I didn't make an issue at the time even though I was horriffied tbh but now I have mentioned it and he doesn't even realised that he has changed so much - totally unaware of it all!

So keep on and fingers crossed he will follow your affectionate example too.

lynniep · 23/05/2009 19:48

I wouldnt worry I really wouldnt. I never saw DH kiss DS until he was about 12 months. And DS instigated it because he saw DH kiss me goodbye on his way out, so he wanted daddy kiss too. But he's a great dad, lots of cuddles and tickles and boys play (DS now 2.2) To be honest, I can't remember kissing DS until he was a bit older either. Its not that odd is it?

cupcakesinthesnow · 23/05/2009 19:56

My friend's Dh is the same. He doesn't kiss their DD. When absolutely pushed, ie on her 1st birthday he will peck her in the forehead. He also triednt o discourage my friend from kissing her dd on the lips and got quite annoyed when she refused to stop! he believes dd should only be kissed on the cheek or forehead by her own mother!!!

TotalChaos · 23/05/2009 20:10

since he's being so nice and loving towards him and plays with him, let kissing come in its time. YABU.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/05/2009 20:15

There was an enormous thread on here a couple of years ago about what we all thought about kissing on the lips.

From what I remember I was anti kissing on the lips (icky to me).

It was quite a divided thread, not argumentative from what I recall (for a change )

Original poster
stinkypants · 23/05/2009 21:33

thank you! am feeling i should let it happen in it's own good time then. yes - he's similar to the 'hello young man' comment earlier, but will kiss him when i nag. perhaps i should not nag, eh.
he and his dad/brother only ever shake hands.

OP posts:
mrsboogie · 23/05/2009 21:38

no point in nagging him - its pointless if its forced. You could try it the other way - say to your baby "give daddy a kiss" when he is a little older. My DP is a lovely hands-on daddy too and does kiss DS sometimes but not a huge amount.

Kissing on the lips - bit yuck IMO - forcing the poor baby to smell what you've been eating and all that...

BigBellasBeerBelly · 23/05/2009 21:40

I'd leave it stinky, if he shows affection in all the other ways which come naturally to him. No point forcing him to do something he is uncomfortable with.

FWIW my mum has never kissed me in my memory and never kisses DD (her first GC), it's just how she is. No-one doubts that the love is there.

And DD won't kiss me the little bugger, because she knows I want her to! I have to chase her around and capture her if I want to plant one on her!

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