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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DP that the questions during sex really turn me off?

22 replies

BeerBlueBottle · 23/05/2009 17:46

Partner and I had sex for the first time last night.

Foreplay went well but as soon as it came to going further, he really started to spoil it by asking questions and saying stupid shit.

Like at the point where most blokes would have just ... to put it bluntly ... rolled on top and got on with it ... DP suddenly asks "do you want to?" well duh ... we've come this far, what do you think?

So although this annoyed me a bit I just said yes ... things got heavier ... we were at the point again where most would have just got on with it and he suddenly says "oh, shall we just get on with it?" erm ... yes

So that turned me off but we carried on, it got heavier again and he suddenly says "what position would you like?" like I was buying a fecking ice-cream or something.

This was step too far and it just completely turned me off. We did eventually end up having sex and he had nothing to be nervous about.

It's kind of put me off him in a way. I have told him time and time again that I would not do anything I didn't want to do. If at anytime I wanted to stop, I would do.

So why does he constantly ask questions?? its such a turn off.

OP posts:
snigger · 23/05/2009 17:49

YABU. Cut him some slack, at least he's erring on the side of consideration.

Give it time and a little patience.

Lulumama · 23/05/2009 17:51

agree with snigger, if it was your first bonk, he obviously wanted to make sure you were definietly up for it, and wanted to make it good for you.

surely it is better he asks what is good for you than just bangs away ??

YABU

TheProfiteroleThief · 23/05/2009 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RumourOfAHurricane · 23/05/2009 17:58

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DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/05/2009 18:03

Think it was probably a bit of first time nerves aswell.... give him a few more chances, then if he really won't shut up come back and ask again.

Think he just needs the benefit of the doubt this time tho'

snigger · 23/05/2009 18:05

I bet you're on here in a year saying "AIBU - he used to be so considerate and now it's just 'THWACK' on my thigh and 'Brace yourself, Effie"

The thing is, if this is all new, he doesn't know what you're thinking - try some verbalising yourself.

bohemianbint · 23/05/2009 18:30

I agree that it's very nice and all, but I'm someone who has been known to go off people at the drop of a hat for the stupidest of reasons, and constant questioning would probably put me off. I hate the whole "what do you like, do you want to do this" kind of thing as it takes away any spontaneity and makes it feel contrived, and more like an exam.

So, YANBU, imo.

lostinthecitylover · 23/05/2009 19:06

actually I quite like a bit of talk/comentary during sex although of the dirty variety.

If someone asked me what position would probably breathe - 'do me doggy' or similar.

Current p like to keep telling me how much I like a bit of c**k - doesn't bother me at all.

Hope not TMI

But if the talking was done all straight faced and not in the heat of the moment I could see it being a turn off.

Baisey · 23/05/2009 19:10

"AIBU - he used to be so considerate and now it's just 'THWACK' on my thigh and 'Brace yourself, Effie"

Hassled · 23/05/2009 19:12

He sounds quite shy and sweet to me. Which is fine, as long as you like shy and sweet.

EvenBetaDad · 23/05/2009 19:28

YAB very very U.

This man was being very considerate and was also being very careful to make sure you were fully consenting to sex. I can think of plenty of reasons why I would want to be very sure in the same situation.

Plenty of women (and men) change their minds and have every right to do so at any point. If you had changed your mind, I have no doubt he would have stopped if you had said no.

Sounds like you had a nice time. You have nothing to complain about.

RumourOfAHurricane · 23/05/2009 20:05

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EvenBetaDad · 23/05/2009 20:07

Neither is an interview under caution.

nickytwotimes · 23/05/2009 20:13

He sounds really considerate and it was your first time together.
Cut the guy some slack! He's trying to be nice.

No wonder some guys wonder what the hell women want.

BalloonSlayer · 23/05/2009 20:21

ROFL at "like I was buying a fecking ice-cream or something."

  • you should have asked for a 69 99 with a flake in it.
FabulousBakerGirl · 23/05/2009 20:24

YABU

I sometimes think men can't win.

Just because tou are naked in bed with a men doesn't mean he can assume you want full sex with him - especially first time around.

EvenBetaDad · 23/05/2009 20:32

FabulousBakerGirl - thank you. You said it for me.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 23/05/2009 20:35

YABU - he sounds lovely,

RumourOfAHurricane · 23/05/2009 20:38

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BalloonSlayer · 23/05/2009 21:58

Perhaps, though, he was used to partners who say "Come on F* me now, Big Boy."

Or similar.

And was unnerved by your silence.

Noonki · 23/05/2009 22:04

oh it's a saturday night troll/name changer!

BigBellasBeerBelly · 23/05/2009 22:09

i think he sounds wonderful.

Caring, considerate, and when it came down to it a good shag.

you will be able to get him to do whatever you want in future, he is obviously concerned with your pleasure, which is a rare (ish) and wonderful thing

In fact you will be able to say "when we go to bed later just shag me and be all caveman" and he will

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