I know i am, but can you suggest an alternative way for me to view this please.

[endless]

So Its an in law thing, so you know its not gonna be prety dont you

They have not seen ds(only gc) for about 7 weeks.
Dont hear from them, dont see them UNLESS they want something.

Dh spoke to his mum on the phone the other day and she asked what we were dong with ds at half term, and did we need her to have him at all.
nice of her to ask.

But i have THE most unreasonable,awful horrid feeling of just "i dont want him to go there"
It is in my guts whenever i think about it, they just dont give a flying feck about him.

(which isnt true at all)
This is shooting myself in the foot big time because i have to work at the latter end of the week and need some child care.

I will get DH to do the arranging with them, i will ask them to help out for one day only.

This has gone from not wanting to put on them, we never ask them to have him and they NEVER offer to me siply not wanting to ask hem becasethey ae usually too busy to even think about having him...even for an hour to take him to the park.

So i have an overwhelming feeling of bieng "let down" by them that i just cannot shake off.

she asked to have him - v nice

take it at face value unless there is more to it

I do understand why you're feeling how you're feeling, but you have to just keep looking at it from the POV that you don't want to be in the position ever where DS is 25 or so, the ILs are dead and he says "you never gave me the chance to get to know them". That's your alternative way of dealing with it - he's going there for his sake, not yours or theirs.

This is an old chesnut.

Do parents and in laws have to offer to look after their grandchildren to be considered good grandparetns?

If they ahve busy lives themselves (even though it may seem unimportant stuff to you) then they may well not even think that you're seeing them as not very involved.

They offered - accept!

Well it seems quite nice that she has asked to take him over half term..and if you need the help then take it.

Don't quietly seethe over this, some people find ILs overbearing and breathing down their necks every day. When we have our first child we feel that everyone feels the same way we do about them. Why don't the GPs want to spend every waking moment with them??? FGS DC is gorgeous!

They are probably just as busy as you are, I know that my parents are and parents in law.

6how are you being "let down" by them if they have offered to look after your ds when you need someone to look after him?

I agree, accept the offer. what you may find is the more time they spend with DS, the more they want to iyswim. I had a similar experience with My IL's and you have to be the bigger person and perhaps up until now they didn't feel comfortable etc.

If you say no, then you will only have yourself to blame if your Ds doesn't have a good relationship with them in the future.

Just take it that you will take what is offered, be grateful for it and expect no more. Then you won't be disappointed. i did, and it has really improved my relationship with the IL's and their relationship with my DC.

My first thought is: You never ask them to have him, they never ask you, could it not just be that they don't want to interfere?

Let down because they are and never were there for us.
PND x4 mcs and they never offered to have ds for an hour while dh came to sit with me in hospital.

mil does not work, and goes to yoga once a week, wont miss it for anything. thats the sum of her week.

Hmm, forget what I said in my last post ........

they may not have offered, but sometimes you need to ask

i am sorry you have had a tough time and feel let down

I has all sort of expectations about DS's myriad of grandparetns and they were trashed fairly early on

i have made peace with it and it feels much better

you cannot change them, or turn them into the GPs you would like them to be

I survived on 3 hours sleep a night for the first 3 years of ds's life, he didnt sleep, nothing from them, not even an offer to walk him around the block for half an hour while i ran the hoover over.

She did care for ds for 3 hours once a week when he was little, we paid her for this...she claimed to absolutely love it.
When he started nursery, that was it, unless their car had a fault,, and they needed dh to fix it we dont hear anything from them at all.

I take on what you are all saying, and agree that he does need to be wiht his granny and grand dad even if it is me that has to grit my teeth and mak peace with it.
She has now offered.
I shall graciously accept.