Am I being 'blinkered' for believing DS over relatives?

[TheWorldIsAVampire]

A few weeks ago we attended a family wedding. I took my two sons aged 8 and 10.

After the ceremony we went to an after-party reception. I personally thought this went well and had no reason to believe anyone thought any different.

However, I have since learnt that an incident "apparantly" took place regarding my youngest son and nobody wanted to tell me at the time in case it spoilt the wedding. I now find out that the family have been discussing my son and his behaviour behind my back ever since.

"Apparantly" ds2 crawled under a table full of people and bit my cousin very hard on the hand.

I found this very difficult to believe for a number of reasons.

1. DS does not know my cousin so would never have dared do something like that, even as a joke.
2. I was watching my kids the whole time and not once did I see him under anyone elses table.
3. My son is 8, he does not 'bite'.

But, he does have a few behavioural problems (which the family well know ) so rather than dismiss it completely, I asked DS1 if his brother had been under the tables at the wedding. He said no. (if he had, DS would have told me just to get him into trouble!). I then asked if he was aware of DS2 biting anyone at the wedding ... he pulled a face, laughed and said "no! why on earth would he bite someone??"

I believe my son. I don't think he did bite anyone. I think my cousin WAS bitten on the hand by another child (a younger child who WAS under cousins table and who knows cousin well) and I think my DS just got the blame because of his reputation.

I'm very annoyd, it's not the first time the family has tried to make my kids out to be out of control monsters.

There is a party this weekend for my cousins (different cousin) daughter and EVERY child from the family is invited apart from my two. Apparantly that's because of a lack of space I think it's because of this so called biting incident.

So am I being naive by believing my son?

God, how horrible. I hate it when families do this to children - i.e. pathologise the behaviour of one and single them out as a problem, when they are just normal kids most of the time.

It's so pathetic and entirely indicative of adults with too much time on their hands.

And what do they want you to DO about this biting anyway - given that no one raised it at the time.

If it was under the table - surely it could have been any child?

How horrible for you.

I agree with clam. I would be adult about it and just call and try to clear the air. I find it totally ridiculous that no one would come tell you that your 8 year old son was drinking! Sounds sketchy to me.

I think you're right to advocate for your DS if you absolutely believe he didn't do it. I do remember an incident when I taught preschool, however, when a boy bit another boy and his mom said, "Christopher tells me that he just fell and his teeth hit the boy's arm...I believe him." I admired her for sticking up for her DS but I must admit I was rolling my eyes over that one! When he did the same thing a few days later she started coming around. (That boy was 5, however)

I understand your family's hesitation if your boys, as you said, are quite rough, but to cut them out of a party completely is uncalled for IMO. If they do something, why not just come tell you and have you deal with it? Best of luck with this- your fam isn't being very nice IMO.

you're family are being incredibly horrible.
As others have said, they have decided your ds must be the instigator of any misdeeds in the family, which is just shocking.
I would be calling your mum, telling her you know everyone has decided ds bit someone, you've talked to him and his brother and fully believe he didn't.
you don't like the whispering campaign and you're not awfully keen on her lack of support of ds either. And that if she can't defend ds or report incidents to you to discuss she can bugger off as well!

Think you're brilliant for siding with your son, sounds like you could do with some distance from your family for a bit. I actively boycott (albeit politely) weddings where my children are not welcome anyway. It's terrible that they are singling out your children but sounds like they are using this as an excuse because they're intolerant of your son's difficulties. I think they would have told you at the time if they were sure it was your son. Life's too short for conflict and pettyness, see them when you have to, don't waste time arguing with them - they seem to have scapegoated your son already and try to spend more time with nice people who appreciate you - I'm sure your sons will be two of those!

Do your family actually get on? What a horrible thing to do - discuss a child like that behind his back. How petty and small minded.