AIBU to be *so* annoyed with my friend about this?

[SamsMama]

My two BF and I were out having drinks Saturday night. One of them is trying to lose weight and she was complaining "I only eat healthy food, I don't know what the problem is," and my other friend and I started talking about portion control. She was complaining about how hard that was so I explained that at my house, when I make dinner, I give DS and DH and I a portion of the main course (pasta or whatever) and then put the rest of it away for DH's lunch the next day. If we're still hungry when we're done we just eat lots of fruits and veggies, etc. She was horrified! She started accusing me of having DS on a diet and counting his calories. I told her I never count Ds's calories (he's not even 2 FGS), but that I want him to learn to eat in moderation. I don't want to deny him foods ever (except soda I guess, though he does drink ginger ale when he's sick and I'm sure when he's older he'll have soda occasionally). She just kept saying that kids should not ever have to think about food. We just kind of stopped talking about it. The next day we were texting back and forth and she texted "btw my MIL agrees with me and all of her kids are healthy" I was so irritated! I just repeated that I don't want to make any food "good" or "bad" for my son, I just want him to know that some foods (i.e. fruit, veggies) are fine to eat lots and lots of and some you have a smaller amount of, and some are just occasional treats (candy, cake, ice cream, etc.) She texted, "well, I just know that I would never deny my growing child healthy food." I'm just livid! I feel like she's implying that I'm this evil mother who weighs out her kid's meals on a food scale or something and that's not the case AT ALL. I just don't think that it's good to let your kid (or yourself for that matter) have unlimited amounts of something like lasagna. (That was the example she gave of a healthy food)

So...AIBU?

Not sure I dare post how much mine eat...

YANBU to object to her getting all holier-than-thou about it, but personally if my DC eat all of their first course they can have seconds, if there are any. If they don't eat at least a reasonable amount they don't get pudding of any sort though.

The only one of DS's friends who is anything but skinny/healthy picks at his main meal but hoovers deserts, sweets etc. I would never try and tell his mother how to feed him though.

LOL BakerGirl I was thinking much the same - DS (6.5) can demolish an adult 'portion' of pasta and come back for more every time - but he does live a very active life with about 4 hours of organised sport a week as well as general running around so I am not planning on worrying too much about that any time soon.

Stealthquiggle, that is exactly it, the amount of food DCs eat is usually related to how active their lives are and I also agree with you that I would not tell a friend how she should feed her own children. So on that ground, OP, YAN really BU to be ennoyed at your friend!

Yes, I've spoken to his pediatrician on several occasions about diet b/c we're gluten free. His dr actually thinks his diet is fantastic! He eats dairy, nuts, meats, etc., lots of things with fat in them. He never goes to bed hungry, sometimes he doesn't eat a lot at dinner (and I don't make him, I also still have lingering "clear your plate!" issues ) and then he'll have a snack before bed. I promise, I don't deny him anything because I don't want him growing up thinking things are "bad." I just want it to be ingrained that some things it's fine to eat lots of and others, not quite so much.

Stealth squiggle, 800g is enough for 2 adults; it is not an adult portion size. Sorry if I made it a bit confusing in my post.

Have to say I am very at you all with kids asking for 2nds (if I had any).

Also it must depend on the lasagna, as Gor said you could cram a whole lot of veg in if you wanted. The Jamie Oliver one has fromage frais in and is lovely. I remember seeing one of those Gillian Mc thingy progs and one of her projects put 2 huuuuge pots of double cream in and 2 slabs of cheddar in the white sauce.

Have to say I have saved food from one day to the next like the op and padded it out to save money and time As somebody said I'd be hacked off either way with somebody else commenting on how I fed my dc.

I would much rather my 1 and 3 yr old had more lasagne than fill up on fruit after supper.

If she starts wittering on again I would just firmly point out to her that you are not worried in the slightest about YOUR families diet and that it is SHE who is stressing about being overweight (or wanting to diet).

I finally just called her last night and said, "look, I'm still a little annoyed about our conversation so let's just clear the air," and we did. I hate being irritated with friends (or anyone for that matter) so it was nice to get over it. I just explained that I think a lot of people (mainly my fellow Americans) have gotten quite out of hand with what they consider to be appropriate amounts of food, and I feel that a diet high in produce, lean protein (which includes dairy) and whole grains will help defend my son against chronic disease later in life. I definitely trust his judgement at this age with feeding himself and if I would never ever ever let him go hungry. We kind of just agreed to disagree in the end!

I have a friend who is raising her kids totally vegan and low sugar, and she "jokingly" lectured me a couple of months ago because I let DS have the occasional hot dog and he eats a small "sweet treat" most days. (A cup of pink milk or choc chips in his trail mix or something) She thinks I'm really lax, and then the friend I mentioned in the original post thinks I'm way too strict! (sigh) You just can't win 'em, can you?

I don't think you are unreasonable to be annoyed (glad you've cleared the air now)

you didn't ask her for her opinion and to me, it sounded like she was attacking you about it - maybe felt defensive of her own choices? Some people get nasty if you do things a different way to them, like you have chosen a different path with the sole aim of criticising them.

It sounds to me like she felt her methods were being criticised and, as Hecate says, got defensive and then you got defensive and it all got a bit out of hand. She probably feels just as irritated as you.

I think the trouble these days is we are all so terrified of obesity/ bad eating habits/ too much fat/ too much salt that we overanalyse.

There is nothing wrong with teaching children about nutrition from an early age. I was always annoyed that my Mum wouldn't let us have chocolate and crisps we had to choose one or the other whilst all our friends had both. Snacks were fruit or cheese and I hated it!

There came a time though when I realised the importance of eating healthily and knew what that meant and how to go about it.

Agree with Kate. DS is 20 months and he totally regulates his intake. Some days he is hungrier than others and I wouldnt dream of not giving him more if he asked for it. By the same token; there are days when he eats less. I would have no way of knowing how hungry he is.

But I am also incredibly lucky that he is a good eater - not faddy (yet!) and enjoys varied foods. I think that makes me far more relaxed if there are occasions when he asks for more.