Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a wee bit hurt and humiliated?

24 replies

HangingOnTheTrubliphone · 21/05/2009 10:27

Friend and I have done a bit of running together, she's way more experienced, has done half marathons etc, whereas I'm a bit of a beginner but had been improving. We'd done a couple of 4 mile runs (without stopping!) but for one reason and another had a break for a month or so, but have just decided we want to get back into it.

So we went for a run this week, another friend - super sporty - asked to come too. There we were, the three of us running, I was v. rusty and felt pretty knackered quite quickly and began to slow down a bit.

Friends turned round and saw me, turned back and ran over to me to catch up. Thought this was quite sweet until it had happened a few times, they were running circles around me and then realised I was essentially being lapped

Not so bothered about the fact they are both better at running than I am - I knew that already - but pride a bit dented now that I realise friend 1 was kind of humouring me all those times it was just the two of us, and now that she has someone more her level is leaving me in her wake.

Just feel a bit embarrassed... we ran past a pub with lots of people outside - 2x sporty friends jogging on ahead, me red-faced and sweaty gallumphing 10 paces behind

DH thinks I'm being wholly unreasonable, over-emotional and silly. Am I?

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 21/05/2009 10:34

yes you are

your friend sounds rather nice and kind actually stop being silly and enjoy your running

awfulday · 21/05/2009 10:35

entirely understandable reaction,poor you!
seems that the other two are way out of your league and you will have to discuss the pace in advance next time!
always worse when its 2 of them and 1 of you!

OlympedeGouges · 21/05/2009 10:38

i think it was rather nice of them not to leave you behind. I understand the embarrassment though .

Lizzylou · 21/05/2009 10:40

Aw, don't feel bad.
YOur friend sounds lovely.
Could you go out running on your own a few times just to build up your distance/pace?
I actually prefer going on my own (although haven't for a while .

Original poster
HangingOnTheTrubliphone · 21/05/2009 11:20

She is a lovely friend, I don't think she meant it out of malice.

It's hard when you feel how you feel - guess I need to have a good old think about where those feelings come from. And whether running alone from now on is the way to go!

Thanks

OP posts:
Uriel · 21/05/2009 11:22

In future, why don't you run just with one friend until you get your pace up a bit?

CouldYouWouldYouWithaGoat · 21/05/2009 11:27

if you can stick it out. your friend sounds lovely adn you will up your pace faster if you are running with her. you could explain how you feel.

BalloonSlayer · 21/05/2009 11:45

Where do you live, HangingontheTrubliphone?

If you like I'll come running with you. I can't run across the road without a coughing fit and a twenty minute rest. Come with me one time and I'll make you feel like Kelly Holmes.

(Seriously, I have considered going for a run/jog stagger when it's dark just so no-one can see me.)

You sound like you are doing fab.

ProfYaffle · 21/05/2009 11:50

She probably didn't realise how it looked to you, I'm sure I've read that technique in a running magazine, given as advice on the solution to different paced runners running together.

I do understand how you feel, I'm a rubbish runner but I enjoy it and keep plugging away but dh is fab. I've just spent 8 weeks training for race for life, did it in 32.5 mins, v pleased with myself. dh did a 5k the other week, snorted that you 'don't need to train for a 5k' did hardly any training but he finished in 22 mins and came 3rd! It's really hard to keep motivated sometimes.

Personally I prefer to run alone and enjoy running for it's own sake iyswim.

branflake81 · 21/05/2009 11:54

That happens when DP and I run together. He's a heavy smoker and doesn't run much whereas I have never smoked and have run four times a week since I was 14. He always beats me hands down. Pisses me right off.

CouldYouWouldYouWithaGoat · 21/05/2009 11:55

also, be proud of the fact you are out running at all. sounds like you are doing really well. i run alot but am incredibly slow i just accept the fact and feel pleased that i can manage at all.

wasabipeas · 21/05/2009 11:55

Don't be silly! They probably just wanted to make sure you didn't feel left behind.
If you are used to running at a certain speed, it can be quite uncomfortable to run at a different speed (one of the best excuses for running alone, I think!), so it was probably easier for them to run at their own pace and then come back and meet you.
Enjoy your running and stick with it - you'll be running at their pace in no time

wasabipeas · 21/05/2009 11:56

Don't be silly! They probably just wanted to make sure you didn't feel left behind.
If you are used to running at a certain speed, it can be quite uncomfortable to run at a different speed (one of the best excuses for running alone, I think!), so it was probably easier for them to run at their own pace and then come back and meet you.
Enjoy your running and stick with it - you'll be running at their pace in no time

Queenoftheharpies · 21/05/2009 12:05

I've been there, hanging on the trubliphone! I'm reasonably fit but I've never been quick when it comes to running. I've lost count of the number of running buddies that I've seen striding off into the distance without appearing to even be sweating.

It's difficult - the one hand, running with friends means you are accountable to someone else (it's so much harder to get out of the house on a rainy evening when you're on you're tod) and having to push yourself a bit will mean you improve.

On the other hand, if you find you're really running faster than is comfortable in order to keep up, you can risk getting injured, and as you say, it's demoralising.

I can guarantee you one thing though - your friends won't think any less of you for not being able to run as fast, they'll be chuffed that you're willing to come out with them and they'll want you to get better. Try to put those negative feelings out of your head for now.

There are also lots of different techniques for building speed that could help you, for example interval training and hill work (interval training is brilliant for burning fat too if you are trying to lose weight).It's also a bit more social because everyone runs and rests at the same time.

Running doesn't have to be about pounding the pavements for hours on end. Have a look on the runners world website for some tips.

Original poster
HangingOnTheTrubliphone · 21/05/2009 12:21

All great advice, thank you so much. I hadn't realised it was an accepted technique for different paced runners, but that does make a lot of sense.

It's so hard - I do want to do it, felt the benefits when I was running regularly, but don't actually enjoy it as such. It's good to push yourself I suppose. I am a reluctant runner!

Interval training sounds terrifying but have heard it's really good. Might suggest it! And will check out runners world too.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 21/05/2009 12:48

My DP takes great pride in being able to run faster backwards then I can forwards! And never misses a chance to have a 'race'. The git.

I couldn't care less. I can read the paper upside down over his shoulder faster then he can read it the right way up

Your friend sounds lovely, please don't be hurt that she runs faster than you.

troutpout · 21/05/2009 12:53

trip her up next time she runs past you

pippa251 · 21/05/2009 13:02

Don't feel humiliated- i'm sure she wouldn't continue running with you if she was getting no work out

My fella and I actually have the same problem - he does 1/2 marathons and I work out miles more than him and he always laps me, however, we run a certain rotue where half way round he takes a different road and it actually adds about 1 mile- he then has to sprint for this and gets a good work out and I am extra morivated as I don't want him to catch me up.

it then becomes a more even race

good luck- you should be proud you're running at all (I well miss it as I am 33 weeks preggers and had to stop running at 14 weeks

pippa251 · 21/05/2009 13:02

Don't feel humiliated- i'm sure she wouldn't continue running with you if she was getting no work out

My fella and I actually have the same problem - he does 1/2 marathons and I work out miles more than him and he always laps me, however, we run a certain rotue where half way round he takes a different road and it actually adds about 1 mile- he then has to sprint for this and gets a good work out and I am extra morivated as I don't want him to catch me up.

it then becomes a more even race

good luck- you should be proud you're running at all (I well miss it as I am 33 weeks preggers and had to stop running at 14 weeks

ProfYaffle · 21/05/2009 13:13

I can soooo relate to that. I've begun to enjoy myself much more recently, I've let go of the idea of being any good and I try to enjoy the moment.

I'm lucky enough to live in a rural area and just enjoy being out and about in the countryside. Funnily enough, I've been running much better/faster/longer since I changed my attitude.

MorrisZapp · 21/05/2009 13:16

Btw it's not a slur on your fitness level. I'm 'top of the class' at body combat (the one everybody rolls their eyes at and thinks yeah alright love, stop showing off etc), but am pretty crap at any sustained running.

In fact I get shin splints if I run at all.

You could probably kick your friend's butt in a different activity.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 21/05/2009 13:33

I feel your pain (thinks back to this am when I was last at everything at embarrassmentcamp bootcamp)

Just to set your mind at rest, why don't you discuss it with your friends? ''I hope I don't hold you up? Really enjoy the running. How about you both going on a 10mile run before I join you for the last few miles?''

Keep going though. It will get better and it won't be long before you are running rings too

Spaceman · 21/05/2009 13:39

Don't run with people. I 'run' always on my own and the thought of having someone there either trying to speed me up or slowing me down; or worse, trying to talk when I'm panting like a train, would be enough to make me give it up entirely.

ProfYaffle · 21/05/2009 13:42

Me too spaceman. Have just been watching the local news, it features a local entrepreneur who's launched a website for runners to find 'running buddies' in their area. I was horrified, can't think of anything worse!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread