why did my mother do this???????

[SlartyBartFast]

she invites my dc's to her house for a meal, one by one, then tells me that the "children all would love to come"
will you come on such and such a date???

i;m not sure I understand..?

What's the problem? She's going to cook for them, clean up the mess..?

Eh?

Do you normally find an excuse not to go?!

It is a bit odd. I prefer people to check with me first before inviting my children over.

Is she a bit dappy and means no harm, or is this the tip of a very large passive-aggressive undermining irritating iceberg?

I understand because my mother does it too! If I've understood you correctly, it feels like she is using them to get you to visit? Which is annoying. It would be much better if she just asked if you would like to visit on such and such a date and not do all the sneaky DC invitations....

Am I right?

yes bs you are...
i spose she is trying to get us to visit, well why wouldnt we? all she has to do is ask ME not via the dcs.
hmph.

Greensneeze worded it very well - the last bit about the passive-aggressive thing. Except my mum won't usually get as far as inviting me but just make a point of phoning me to tell me when people I love spending time with, are going to visit her giving me the time and date etc....and then stop. So I can ask if I can come too presumably!

I sympathise - it is VERY annoying. No idea how you change it though.

i did say, with a smile, that she could have asked me,
but it is irritating, not sure about the passive aggressive, or just wanting to ensure we can't say no.
that's motehrs for you! she took them away last year, asking ds first, then dd2 and then askign me!, well, what can you say, but agree.

I guess you could ask her to always ask you first incase it isn't convenient and you don't want them to be disappointed?

i will bear that in mind for the next time.
thanks bs

Good strategy BS.

Might she just think she's being a "cool" grandma by asking the kids if they fancy coming over, IYSWIM? Either way, BS's suggestion is v reasonable and can't offend her.

It was the argument my mum used on me whenever I asked if people could come over and play infront of them .

because she will do it again i know

oh dear.

Prime the dcs too by telling to inform their grandma that she/they will have to check with mum first.

see i don't think it can say either of these things now,
or i spose i could prime the dcs.
it;s easier somehow to say things on the spur of the moment.