To not know how I feel about the idea of a vasectomy

[cornflakegirl]

I am currently 6 months pregnant, and have 1 DS, nearly 4. Am pretty certain that we want to stop at 2 - DH took a fair bit of convincing that he wanted more than one, and from my point of view, having two was more about not wanting DS to be an only than a deep need for a second child. (Not that I think being an only is bad, before I offend anyone.) I also really don't enjoy being pregnant.

DH is talking about having a vasectomy. This would make contraception much easier for us - we won't use anything that prevents implantation, so are restricted to barrier methods, which we don't really like.

However, vasectomy just seems so final. What if something happened to the kids - would we want more then? What if DH and I split up, and he wanted more kids with someone new? DH doesn't think these are sensible objections and tbh they feel pretty silly when I write them down - clearly in either scenario, the ability to have more children is not going to be the top concern.

So - am I being silly? Assuming this pregnancy works out okay, and assuming DH still wants to, should I just let him do it?

God no don't do it!!

You both have to agree and be sure neither of you want anymore. My DH had his vasectomy when dd2 was only 4.6 months old and we both regret having it done

Wait and see how you feel a while after the baby arrives.

If your not 110% sure, don't.

DH wanted to go for it after 2, and I just had this teeeeensy niggle, so he didn't.

Eventually I agreed - just at the point we discovered I was unexpectedly pg with No3.

Due to health issues in pregnancy he actually had the vasectomy before dc3 was born, as I can't risk every getting pg again.

I'm glad he didn't do it - cos I have my fabby dd2!

It is so final that you both need to be fully behind the decision. Don't rush into it. Being currently pregnant is probably not a good time to make a decision about it.

I think I'm mainly surprised, because I had assumed that we wouldn't go down the vasectomy route. Completely agree that we shouldn't decide until current bump is born and a bit older.

Now that we have gone down that route I am delighted with it - but would never advise anyone if they weren't both totally sure!

Ruby, why not if your family was complete (you don't have to answer, just curious sorry)

Well I had all those doubts when DH offered to go after our second DC was born. What if we broke up, what if we changed our minds, what if something happened to one of the DC etc etc.

Then I got pregnant with DS#2 by mistake and all of a sudden I was kicking myself. DS#2 is wonderful but he turned our lives upside down. DH had the snip when DS#2 was 3 m old I nearly carried him all the way to the surgery.

I have a story very similar to Weegiemum's, only when I found out I was pregnant with DC3, DH had the vasectomy booked for the following week. He didn't have it then, as he didn't feel well and what was the bloody point for another 9 months anyway.

Eventually he had it, he has had the all clear. But every month I think "oo-er what if it hasn't worked and I get pregnant again" and I have realised that part of that is hopeful!

and OrmIrians !!

(I have said to DH that if it hasn't worked he's going to the vets next time)

I actually find Weegiemum and OrmIrian's stories quite scary. So maybe I'm more sure about this than I thought...

Oh my story is really scarey - I got pg with dd2 while I had a mirena (if you were around on mn 5 and a half years ago you might remember it) and was very ill in pregnancy and afterwards.

Hence why we went with the vasectomy!

Dh is sure that even if something awful happened to me and our dcs he would never want any more children, so was happy to go ahead.

I'm pretty sure doctors strongly advise against getting it done until your youngest child is a year old
My friend and her husband went to their doc shortly after the birth of their 3rd dc and were told to wait for a bit
I think it is partly in case either person changes their mind and partly because the chances of child mortality is much less when the child is a year old
Either way, you've got a bit of time to think about it

That was the funny thing peas. My colleague at work wanted the snip after his 3rd and was advised against it until the baby was a yr old. With DH there was no argument. Might have been something to do with DH being 41 at the time of course.

We were using condoms but as I don't like them, when I was sure I was nowhere near the fertile time (eg just after or just before my period) we didn't bother. Worked very well for five years. Then of course, you get over-confident.

I had a smear test done and told the nurse about this method (she asked about our contraception & I told her about it, and the forthcoming snip). She expressed her doubts about the method but I assured her breezily that we were very careful.

that I was actually pregnant when this conversation took place but didn't know it.

I was there for an ante-natal once and noticed that the same nurse happened to be in the surgery. It took all my willpower not to hide in the toilets in case she saw me, Mrs Oh-I've-got-the-rhythm-method-all-sorted, with her big ole bump.

BalloonSlayer - that is very funny!

We did use Natural Family Planning when we first got married - to know when we could skip condoms - but since having DS my cycle is only about 23 days, and it didn't really seem worth it to predict so few safe days. (Plus we decided to TTC really soon after getting married, so don't have any real evidence of whether it was successful for us!)

We got it done while I was still pg as the danger to me of another pregnancy was so big - also the surgeon involved in my kidney care was also the one to do the operation - so he knew us both well!

Actually, a vasectomy isn't completely final. My BIL had his reversed, which he had done before he met my sister. And since I now I have a niece and a nephew? It worked.

But I do agree that you both have to be on board with it!