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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Telling my kids about my huge debts?

18 replies

KeepSwitch · 19/05/2009 23:58

We have a birthday coming up, My son wants a PS3 and a game, Am I right to tell him I am in alot of debt and cant afford it? He really really wants it.

OP posts:

KingCanuteIAm · 20/05/2009 00:01

Maybe not that you are in a lot of debt, that may make him feel bad/worried etc. But it is perfectly acceptable to tell him you just do not have the money and he needs to think of something you can afford so as he is not dissapointed on his birthday.

Shitemum · 20/05/2009 00:03

How old is he?
To my shame my 5yo knows all about my 'bloody mortgage' and often offers to give me the contents of her piggy bank to help out. She also wraps up pennies she finds around the house in bits of paper tissue and gives them to me as presents...

It's a difficult balance between helping DC realise that money doesnt grow on trees and leaving them in their innocent happy state for as long as possible...

297584958179901 · 20/05/2009 00:08

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randel · 20/05/2009 00:14

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slushy06 · 20/05/2009 11:07

Does your son play alot of games I paid £300 for my ps3 and its not something I would buy for a child unless they really like games. However they eat electricity so tell him he can't have this year maybe next year as they are bringing a new model out that is cheaper on the electric bill by about 30%

mumto3boys · 20/05/2009 11:19

Personally I wouldn't tell him about the debts as such. I would explain that you only have so much coming in, and most of that goes on bills - he doesn't need to know what the bills are.

All children want things they can't have. I can remember there were things I didn't even ask for as I knew we couldn't afford them.

How old is he?

claricebeansmum · 20/05/2009 11:20

Wouldn't tell him about the huge debts but explain that you can't afford it. Is there a way he could save up to contribute towards one for Christmas?

DottyDot · 20/05/2009 11:24

Our ds's (7 and 5) are well aware that we have the mortgage and bills to pay and not a lot of money coming in that's extra. They save up for stuff themselves and have been told they can't have a PS3/Nintendo ds - we just can't afford it. I tell them we use our spare money to go on holiday each year - that's our treat - so big presents aren't possible.

I think they should know when things are unaffordable - not necessarily about huge debts but just about the fact that not everything can be bought so easily.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 20/05/2009 11:37

He doesn't need to know about the debt or the size of it, but learning about affordability s a VERY important life lesson.

The fact that he really really wants it is neither here nor there, maybe (age dependant) he could start fund (with a bank account etc) with birthday money (and any he can earn from you over time)to save up for one himself (he asks relatives etc for a contribution instead of a birthday present.

Yes it will not have instant gratification on his birthday but he will value that PS3 far more than anything he has had before!!!

An honest conversation about the fact that you can not afford it before the big day to manage his expectations is an important part of this.

FWIW DD1 (3) knows that money has to be earn't and there is only so much to go around once bills have been paid...

SammyK · 20/05/2009 11:41

You don't have to mention debt, just that you have lots of bills to pay, that most families do, if he is old enough I think the savings account is a good idea.

Learning we can't have everything we want is a lesson we all have to learn.

A birthday doesn't mean an entitlement to big gifts, it is a celebration in your family of a loved ones birth - a time to tell them how much you love them and celebrate however many happy years they have been in your family. Oh and cake!

CazandKy · 20/05/2009 11:57

Ooohh.. a difficult one. I think that telling your Son your in dept may just worry him. I'd just try and teach him the value of maney some other way. Do you ever give him his own pocket money so he can learn that once the money is spent it's gone?
Like somebody else said above it's a part of life to learn that we can't have everything we want.
How old is he? I remember when I was very young (probably about 5ish) when my Mum and Dad told me they didn't have any money I used to get annoyed cause I didn't understand why they didn't just go to a cash machine and get some. At that age I thought the machine gave money away!!!!

Weegiemum · 20/05/2009 12:05

You can say no. How old is he?

My ds is 7 (I also have 2 dds, but he is the worst) and is always going on about how "S" (vbfriend) has this and that and the next thing (child has a nintends ds and a PSP and a PS3 and a Wii)

We have just said no, we're not getting them (he has a DS and we have an old-style PS2 plus computer so hardly slumming it here).

He has sucessfully saved up for 2 ds games on pocket money (£1 a week), birthday/christmas money and earning 50p here and there for jobs in the house. He has learned a lot about the value of money without us ever having to complain about the debts we have (dh and I went back to college for 2 years which wiped out savings and put us in some debt).

Could you get him to "earn" it, or save up and contribute? Not sure how possible this is for you, but it has worked for us! Ds also is a rabid street scrounger of cash (as is dh!) and has found about £10 in the last 3 months!

Weegiemum · 20/05/2009 12:06

Oh, and if you do go for one - eBay! We got Nintendo DS for all our kids for £40 - £50 on eBay - a great saving!

YorkshireRose · 20/05/2009 12:11

Just tell him there is not enough money in family budget to buy one at the moment, don't need to mention debts.

All kids need to learn that there is only so much money and they can't have everything they want. It is the reality of life, they need to learn this and it will do them no harm.

A lot of my DDs schoolfriends are seriously loaded which makes this harder as they all seem to get every gadget they want, caribbean holidays etc. I just have to say "Xs parents have more money than us, that's just the way it is".

blondie80 · 20/05/2009 14:00

i know nothing about ps3 computers, are they really £300!!!

how many spend that on dc birthday presents??

my dd gets about £20, i take her to toys r us and she picks something.

no wonder your in debt spending money like that!

Overmydeadbody · 20/05/2009 14:05

I don't htink you need to go into how much debt you owe, just tell him you can't afford it after all the bills are paid and say that they cost too much money.

There is nothing wrong with children knowing their parents can't afford everything they want, even if they're really young. I get my DS to compare the prices of cereal he wants with cereal we actually buy, so that he can learn that even with little tinhgs you have to be careful and budget.

lolaandned · 20/05/2009 14:06

when a birthday xmas etc is coming up i always sell some of my own things on ebay so they can have something special

Karam · 20/05/2009 17:28

How about getting your child to sell off old toys to pay for a new PS? My DD recently wanted a new laptop (her computer was a hand me down and very slow!) so I said yes, but she had to find the money for it. She spent about three weeks sorting through old toys, which we carbooted for £150, she also sorted out other stuff for ebay which raised another £50 and we let her count the pennies from the penny jar (another £20) and I gave her my Tescos vouchers ( we got it from Tescos). Sure enough within a month she managed to raise £250 to buy the computer and she's only 5!

I think it helps to teach them the value of money and possessions. We could have bought her the computer, but an important lesson would have been lost imho.

So why don't you say he can have one but he has got to save up for it? He can ask for money from family and yourself, that'll give him a good start and then ebay / car boot your old stuff to raise the rest??

Personally, I wouldn't say anything about the debt, in my view it is a good lesson for children to learn the cost of things regardless of how much money you've got.
HTH

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