To maintain the same family rules with playmates -

[mulranno]

eg...no pudding if you dont finish (or at least make some effort) dinner

well I tend to be a bit more relaxed tbh

Yes - fine.

Rules is rules. The effort is key.

Personally I don't really care if other people's children don't eat well, but I would make my own children finish their greens! Your house, your rules though

I'd relax a bit personally but I'm not a fan of that rule anyway.

I am too much of a wimp to do that.

this is a tough one because other children might have different rules.
I stick to my houserules when it comes to things like jumping on furniture or playing with things my kids aren't allowed to play with etc but with mealtimes, I tend to be a bit more relaxed but try and do it in such a way that my own boys won't use it against me in future by saying you didn't make so-and-so finish before pudding etc., so we just all relax a little.....pudding in my house isn't that exciting ordinarily, but it's always a bit more ietersting when we have people for tea, so the incentive to finish things is there!

It depends how well I know the playmate. And how old they are.

If I don't know them very well, I'd go easy. Little kids are easily upset by food issues - food is a great source of comfort to them in a strange environment.

If you know them well, and know they normally eat carrots for instance, I'd say - eat 3 carrots and then you can have pudding (whereas my own kids I'd say eat them all).

Other rules eg. Manners definitely apply to everyone

With meals, no I don't bother. I rarely have DD's friends over (I live where she can play easily in the street or park without me so no need) so it's a real treat when I do and I don't bother with what they eat too much.
I wouldn't let them jump on the furniture but I don't mind if they get out every toy in the house.

So long as they are not rude, I just let rules go.

I like to hand back a child that has had fun, not one that is upset that they didn't get pudding when everyone else did.

(I am a single parent of an only, so it's p'raps easier for me to say that)

You absolutely CANNOT do the 'no veggies ,no pudding rule for other peoples' children 'they are guests !!
Not jumping on the furniture , swinging on the lampshades type rule is very different .

for us:

our house, our rules!

I do check before they come to see if there is something they don't eat, but otherwise there is no pudding (not that we often eat pudding ......) if there are veggies left on the plate.

It would undermine the rules for my own dcs if they saw us doing anything different.

With regards food, on playdates, I am way more relaxed. For some children it can be daunting eating at another person's house, or they can simply be over tired and over excited. And soeme children can be quite fussy and may not like what I have cooked, even if mum has assured beforehand they do.

I would never force another child to eat everything up before they get a dessert.

Just like I'd never enforce such a rule with any dinner guest, be it adult or child!

DD has seemed to cope perfectly well with having different "rules" for different circumstances.

No - I relax the rules. Playdates (grr, hate that word!) are meant to be fun - not much fun for the child if they don't normally have to finish what's on their plate or don't like what you've given them.

I still (30 years on!) have vivid memories of going to a friend's house, only to be served stew. I hated stew then, and remember being so upset but trying to eat it. After I'd pushed it around my plate for a bit, her lovely granny said in a very kind voice "it's ok, you don't have to eat it if you don't want to", took it away quietly and gave me my pudding - butterscotch angel delight and pears! I loved that old lady - she didn't make an issue of it, and turned a horrible situation into a lovely one.

Presumably if you apply the 'no pudding till you've eaten all your mains' rule to young guests because you have an 'our house our rules' policy then you are consistant and apply these rules to adult guests too?

Oh, you don't? No, I thought not. If you wouldn't apply the rule to an adult guest then don't apply it to child guests.

I hate how some people think children don't deserve the same level of respect afforded to adults

Same rules regarding caring for toys and playing but as I don't force or bribe my own kids to eat things that they don't like, then I definatly wouldn't force another child.

One way round this, if it bothers you, is to put the vegetables and accompaniments (even main part of meal if you like) into serving ddishes and get the children to serve themselves. We tend to say (although still relaxed over it) that if they chose to put it on their plate, they should try to eat it all - so as to not waste food.

Most children love to serve themselves IME.

Agree with (most of) the above. My house, my rules but not when it comes to food.

I don't do the whole withholding pudding if all the mains aren't eaten with DS anyway though. It's up to him to decide when he's had enough, not me.

Paolosgirl, that is (I guess was?) one very cool old lady!

To ensure children have a good meal when they visit, we usually make something together, so we'll do pizzas and the kids put their own toppings on etc or we do wraps and the children fill them with various fillings laid out in little bowls. I agree that getting children involved in the preparation of food often means they're keen to eat it all up!
I don't force my dcs to eat everything on their plate but often they might be reluctant just as the mood takes them so we encourage them to eat what they're not as keen on first and then eat what they love afterwards. It works - my boys come home from school sometimes and say that they had such and such for lunch at school but they didn't like the X,Y or Z and so they ate it first, to get it out of the way so they could concentrate on wnjoying the bits of the meal they DO like! I don't think you can leave everything to the child when it comes to meals, or they'd never eat enough nutritious food (applies to my family, at least!)but I agree that this isn't the way to go when entertaining the little friends!

Yes, definitely 'was'. She was an old granny then - but for someone who had been through food shortages in WW2 and probably hated waste, she certainly put an anxious wee girl at ease

I wouldn't. I want all visitors to stick to major, generally accepted rules of behaviour (don't wreck the place, don't hurt each other), but at the same time think you need to accept that all families differe when it comes to minor rules and it can be quite stressful for a child to be told off for different and unpredictable things in every new family they visit.

Personally I think that the experience of being a guest and treated as a guest is educational in itself.

Besides, when you cook for your own family and make them eat everything up, you are probably making unconscious adjustments in what you choose to cook. Most people do. That means that your food will on the whole seem normal and unscary for your own child. For a visiting child there is always the risk that it will seem either totally unheard of or be the one thing they hate most in the world. (ds hates spag bol)

My children are expected to eat what I cook- including liver and pig's heart and various types of pickled herring. You would of course finish your own portion if you came to visit me?

It depends, we have some children who come round a lot. For those we have House Rules, put up on a noticeboard, they're general behaviour stuff like putting toys away before a meal. Not jumping on furniture. Not pestering the pets. Taking turns with toys. etc. These have really helped with children we are looking after regularly, not just the occasional friend for tea.

Food, no, I don't insist on visiting children eating anything, I'm used to lots of them being fussy. Not my problem. I don't care if they don't eat anything though. I provide a reasonable choice and leave it up to them.

We do not impose oue rules to visitors regarding food. I remember as a child finding it very difficult to eat a friends houses. Even if my mum would say "sheperd pie? oh yes she loves it!" it was never tasting the same as the food I was used too and it would have been totrure to me to be forced to eat it so on that basis I am much more relax with what guests eat.

For my own DCs I am a bit more insistant but do not force them to finish plate if they do really not like it. I will not give them anything else though!

There are rules that I keep for guests as well: no jumping on the fourniture, no hurting each other, no rude words or behaviour.