To consider giving up my job

[lazylion]

I work part time, mostly from home, I have 2 DC aged 4 & 2 and I'm pregnant with number 3. I'm a lecturer and my job takes huge concentration and energy and I'm exhausted all the time. I am sitting looking at a pile of essays waiting to be marked and I can't do it.
AIBU to think about giving up work? Husband earns just enough to keep us, my job lets me stay at home with the children, put a bit away & have holidays.
If I gave up would I regret it forever? If you are a SAHM without a paid job how do you feel about money or your future career? Help.

Life is too short to be stressed and exhausted. If you enjoy being at home and spending time with your little ones then do it.
i am a sahm, i do a little bit of work here and there but just for peanuts really. I absolutely love being at home ( well we are out and about most days)
you can cut costs without really depriving yourself of too much i think.
Do what makes you happy.

YANBU- you want to look after your kids, and working takes it toll.

I dont think you would regret it forever as you can always go back to work.

I am due to go back to when this(37wks pregnant) baby starts school which isnt for another 5 years. And I look forward to it but I also look forward to the time between then and now.

Talk it over with your hubby.

How long do you have to go until you can take maternity leave? Or could you get signed off sick for a while to give yourself a break?
Its the summer holidays coming up as well, so things should slacken off a bit.
If you want to be a SAHM then go for it, I would have loved to have done this, but sadly am not as motherly as I would like to be, so for mine and ds's sanity I went back to work!
The extra money is handy, but tbh, your state of mind is far more important than the extras it provides.

I think you need to take the long term view - it's not surprising that you're knackered now, with two kids and pg with no 3.

I guess the thing is (assuming you will want to work again at some point in the next 10 yrs) - do you want a career change or do you want to go back to your current career path? If you do want to go back, will you be able to do that easily if you take say 3 yrs out now? Are there other options besides giving up - could you downscale your committments?

I built up my freelance work after I had DD1 and it was hard work, and took time, so when I had DD2 I took as little time off as possible, because I didn't want to have to start from scratch again. It was tough, but in the long run it has been good because I'm very happy with what I do, and didn't want to have to build all my work up again.

Only you know what the right thing to do is - but no, of course you're not being unreasonable!! Just make sure it's the right thing long term, and not a knee-jerk reaction to being knackered now!

I am / was a teacher, now a SAHM. I worked full-time while DS was young, then went down to 4 days a week. I'm now pregnant with DS2 and don't regret for a moment giving up work. I don't envisage going back until the youngest one is at school full-time (possibly 5 years or so).

I know what you mean about staring at a pile of essays (I taught A level English and Media Studies). That's the trouble with the job. You don't finish work when you go home.

I WILL go back at some point. The good thing about working in Education is that you can go back fairly easily and also you get the holidays.....

Any decision you make does not have to be forever, it might just be a few months / years and then you can go back to something that fits in with your family.

This is going to sound a bit negative. From my own expeience, I found being a SAHM was fine, good even, for about 2 years. After this I found it to be extremely monotonous, boring and because of the boredom, depressing. You may also find that it is much harder to go back into work at the same level you left after this period of time.

I am literally just waiting out the next 2 years until my youngest is in school and then it makes financial sense for me to retrain. If I was in your position I would not leave my job knowing what I know now. I have applied for much lower level positions recently and have not even recived an interview. I know this is because I have been out of work for about 4 years.

I have been a SAHM for 4 years now (since DS1 was born). I don't regret it at all, I wouldn't have been happy leaving my kids in a nursery all day (my job involved long commutes and long hours).

However your case is different,. had I been in your situation (working part time, mostly from home), maybe I would have liked to continue working. It sounds like an ideal arrangement . What can you do to feel less tired? Can you maybe hire house help? Can you DH help more?

I do want to go back to work in the next year or so, but I am dreading it! Having been out of work for 4 years I feel very insecure. If you possibly can continue working somewhere in your field then I would do so.

Only other thing I'd add is to consider how secure your DH's job is. Having only one income is a greater risk and puts pressure on your DH. He may be happy with that greater risk but don't rule it out in the current climate.

Are you using childcare with your little ones whilst you work, or have you been trying to do both? Trust me, this is impossible.

I'd definitely discuss it with your partner. I would imagine it is very hard being the sole bread winner - the pressure must be high - I wouldn't want it...
Assuming he's fine with it, ask yourself if yours is the type of job you can go back to, or will you lose that opportunity.
Assuming, that's someting you can do, then why not?

Thanks so much everyone, your comments have helped me get some perspective. I have been doing without childcare tribpot, it is impossible. Getting into my career was so hard I'm too scared to give it up in the hope that I could go back even if my sanity is involved. I would love to have your faith in the future lou, Meandb and Ineedmore but I don't think I have.
Thanks, lilaclaire for the advice about taking sick leave - I hadn't even thought about that. I think I will have to before I explode with anxiety. The long term / kneejerk thing helped Bramshott - this crazed exhaustion is no state for making decisions. God I wish I could have a drink. Thanks again all of you, I'm off to email my boss.

Totally impossible to work without childcare, how the hell did you manage for so long?! Hats off to you lady. Hope you can find the right compromise for you. Perhaps when youngest LO is eligible for the 15 hours a week you could go back?

No wonder you're exhausted! Your current situation can't last - you can't work like that with no childcare while pregnant. Definitely take sick leave if you can.

Like you, I am scared to give up work entirely because of my CV, plus I do enjoy work (a bit). I also work part-time from home with no childcare and had no. 3 in November BUT my oldest is in school and DD2 is at nursery 4 mornings a week. I also took up to a year off after having DD2 and 6 months after DC3 - I was completely floored by the arrival of my third and no way could have worked straight after. I work for the sake of my career rather than making much money ie, put what money you earn into making it easier for yourself - get childcare, get a cleaner, do online shopping etc.

best of luck, I found working while pregnant with number 3 very difficult and ended up going on maternity leave at 33 weeks as I couldn't cope any longer.

Two ways tribpot; In the morning I exhaust the children in the park / garden / playgroup so that afternoon I can put them in the lounge for an hour or so with TV & lego & I do emails / reading in my study. Then when husband gets home at 6 I start the difficult stuff or go out & teach then work until bedtime (sometimes 2 am). Weekends I often work all day sat or sun. All goes to pot when anyone is ill or husb has to work late. What a nightmare eh? I don't recommend it.
I'm taking a couple of weeks off sick to work it all out.

Thanks staranise, I planned to take 5 months off after number 3 arrives, and put DCs1 and 2 in nursery 3 mornings a week when I go back. It still leaves me with 1 child at home while having to work. I don't know anyone else doing this, it's nice to know that there are other people managing this situation but we must be mad.

God lazylion, no way can you start to tackle the difficult stuff after a full day of childcare, no no no no no no NO. Still staggered that you have done so well for so long.

Do look at options that will allow you to keep your hand in; my perspective is different in that I am a f-t WOHM because my DH is too ill to work so a very different situation from yours. But I do wonder if there is a better compromise to allow for future employability and overall satisfaction than the (perfectly laudable) SAHM route. You cannot keep doing as you have been doing, you are already a Wonder Woman to have managed it this long.

Oh goodness - no wonder you're knackered!

Working in the evenings or when the kids are at home is fine occasionally and for 'overspill' (I have a sick DD2 here today - one of the blessings of working from home!) but almost impossible as a main way of working I'd say - particularly if your work involves intellectual effort.

That said, I did work from home with DD2 here when she was small - DD1 used to go to nursery 9.30 - 1 and DD2 would nap (she was 4-6 months) while I worked. Not ideal, but okay as a temporary solution, and I got about 2.5 hours work in each day.

You might feel different after your maternity leave. Take as long as possible before and after your new baby is born, and then see how you feel as you approach time to go back to work. you can always decide not to go back (as far as I understand - you can choose not to return after mat leave).

it's no wonder you are tired at the moment, but after a break, you might feel differently, so I wouldn't close the door to your job right now.

like another poster said, you could get signed off sick until your maternity leave if you are really struggling.

plus, it will be great for you to have a job you can do part-time and mostly from home once your kids are school age - you won't be bored all week by yourself but you will be at home for school holidays.

worth thinking about the long-term before you give up such a flexible job (unless you think you could easily get back into it later - but in my exp, acadaemia is not always easy after a career break).

Yup, working with no childcare is not a great deal of fun for anyone but I find that organising and managing childcare is very time-consuming in itself plus it's jsut so expensive, it would take all of my paltry earnings.
My baby sleeps a bit during the day plus is not yet crawling etc so I do most of my work when the DDs are at school and nursery. Since having number 3, the household stuff takes up a lot of time so that is what I would throw money at if you can.

I jsut feel sorry for my DH who works very hard all day and then has to come home and take over here so that I can get stuff done. Hope it's all worth it in the end!

Should be working right now so had better go. The pregnancy is one of the hardest parts - you'll feel much better once the baby is here, I'm sure.