to feel a bit frustrated sometimes

[flamingobingo]

when friends refuse to take my advice about their children even though my children are older than theirs and I have more of them, therefore loads more experience!

I know IABU about expecting them to take my advice, but isn't it frustrating when they won't take it, even though you can see what they're doing isn't working/isn't going to work?

Oh well...they're journey, I suppose...

Yes it is.. its even more annoying when its your family and specifically your older brother who just still treats you like a baby even though you've already been a parent for 3 years by the time his first arrives....

I ended up writing all my tips/advice down in a notebook and giving it to my SIL who absolutely loved it.. she said she's going to add to it and give it to her daughter when she has kids.. make a family heirloom for the women out of it!

The view must be wonderful from up on your pedestal, watch out for the fall.

But at least you can keep your self warm in the certain knowledge that you know best.

Yabu - but you knew that anyway

You can give advice but you can't expect them to take it. They might weigh up the advice you give them and then decide that it wouldn't work for their children. They might be right or they might keep your advice in mind and try it at a later date.
That's what I've done with advice that people have given me.

I do know what you mean and it is not about being on a pedestal either.
I had a friend that asked for advice never ever took it bumbled on for months the same way then someone else would give her the same advice and she would take it and it miraculously would work.

I think the pedestal remark was a little unfair actually. This isn't about telling someone how to parent. I think everyone has been in a position at some point watching someone else struggle and knowing a possible solution and not just parenting either it could anything.

When you are a parent, everything is new and difficult, so when you find something that works, naturally you want to tell everyone else about it because you think/know it could really help them.

but see it from the other side - they too are discovering/working things out for themselves, and that is an incredible journey, so much as you want to help them and give advice, they might take your advice as an indication that you think they need help - and as any new parent knows, that is not usually well received when you are sleep deprived and generally feeling a bit touchy.

it is hard - parents can be very touchy beings sometimes, so perhaps it's best to say 'if you ever think i might be able to help, please feel free to ask me' and leave it at that until they ask you.

How many MIL have felt their helpful advice was ignored?

As OP said 'It's their journey'

to me, its more about the way they treat you when you offer advice in good faith... if they dont want to accept it, fine.. but my brothers condesension was irritating.

To be frustrated in the privacy of your own mind? Not unreasonable.
To go on about it to them? Yes, that would be unreasonable (not that you've said you do that).

My MIL was boggled by my insistence on breastfeeding on demand. She bottle fed hers and put them in a pram in the garden for 4 hours in between feeds and they were fine so why would anyone ever do different? To her credit she didn't keep going on about it. And strangely enough my children show no ill effects

You have to find your own way as a parent even if its the longer one.You are the one who knows your children best so others advice isn't always relevant.For example my 2 children couldn't have done things more different everything that worked with dd was useless with ds.
I listen to everyone but always to things my own way, i am stubborn and unfortunately yes on many occasions i made a rod for my own back and all that but i wouldn''t have had it any other way. My mum did a very good job with us but some of her advice was
So yes YABU.
Stripey i love the notebook idea.

THe only piece of advice that should come printed on baby is

"Listen to it all, then do what you like.. Trust your instincts"

lol

I hear you, StripeyOss. Siblings - it is a whole different ball game! My sis (with dd younger than mine) listens to my advice, ignores it, later hears the same advice from someone else, follows it, then GIVES IT BACK TO ME as though it was totally new information! (I also have a friend who does the same thing...)

VVVV annoying and if i point out that i suggested it in the first place, i get viewed as a trouble maker..... aaahhhh well, you can't win 'em all.

i don't offer advice because i think i know best, btw - just because i've been there already and could maybe save them the trouble. but i understand now that it is their journey, yada yada etc etc. still want to help though

i've stopped giving advice now. i just keep quiet until i'm asked. and am a lot calmer for it!

Bobby.. you know what the bad thing was? At the time i was giving them advice about Car-seats and not using after market products...etc.. I'm basically the closest the uk gets to a CPST and he just patted me on the head and said they'd ask the people at Babies R Us about it!!!

wtf????!

Thankfully my SIL is much more sensible and did listen to me rather than the 'professionals' who're more interested in money than safety.

Is your bro older, Stripey? sounds like he can only ever see you as his little sis, and can't see that actually you have other credentials now you are a proper grown-up!

I think it is probably the same with friends - if they always thought they were the more capable one and suddenly they are in a position where you have the edge cos your kids are older and you are (by default) wiser, it can be hard to feel that shift in the dynamic of the relationship.

still bloody annoying though