For being angry at DP for not arranging babysitter?

[Commisioner]

For ages now we had saturday night all planned. Meal, drinks and a nightclub. Idea was that my kids would go to their grandmothers and his would go to her friends on a sleep over.

This had been arranged for ages.

So, saturday came ... my kids are due to go to grandmas ... DP said to his daughter "can you text your friend to ask what time you're meant to be there?" and friend turns around and says "I don't want to go".

He shouts at her that she has to, she said that she told him 3 days ago that she didn't want to go. This I can believe as he this awful habit of just not listening.

He tells her she has to go somewhere as the night was all arranged. She text another friend to ask if she could sleep over there, answer was no.

I start getting pissed off at this point as it had all been arranged for so long and it was meant to be my birthday night out.

I said to him "great, what are we going to do if she won't go?" he promised she would.

He then went to her room and said "that's it, if you don't go you will lose your new mobile phone/school trip/etc etc" basically desperately bargaining with her.

She was adament that she wasn't going.

So I said "look, I want to know either way if we're still going, no point in me taking my kids to their grandmas if we're not going out".

He said "oh we'll still go, DD can stay here by herself all night" (she's 12).

I was extremely pissed off by this time. What is the point in me arranging babysitters for my two if we're still going to have another kid at home?? He just doesn't get it. He seems to think that as long as my two are out of the way, I will be ok with his child being here.

Then he wonders why I'm worrying about moving in with him due to a lack of space and 'us' time.

AIBU?

you arranged babysitters for your children

he didn#t arrange any for his

why did you only find out on the day of the arrangement? that is aggravating

TBH, if his DD didn't want to go to a friends then is it right to force her?

That's what annoyed me, I found out on the day that she didn't want to go. She said she'd told him 3 days ago and I reckon he's just ignored her and hoped she would just get on with it when the time came.

He said "if I'd known earlier, I could have arranged for her to go to my sisters" but he did know, she told him 3 days ago.

That's what annoyed me.

Poor kid. She's only 12 and is being masde to have sleep overs to accomodate her dad's social life. I think that is the bigger issue

So what happened in the end? Did you not go out?

She could have gone to a proper babysitter Debs, that's the point. He had ample time to organise for her to go to a family member and be looked after properly, he just didn't bother ... despite her raising concerns 3 days ago about going to this friend's house.

I don't expect her to have to arrange sleep-overs, I expect him to arrange babysitters so we can go out every now and again (and it is rare, its not like it's every weekend).

We did in the end, yes. She went to the friend's house but I'm still annoyed at him over it.

he doesn't sound like he "gets" it

you can't just cross your fingers and hope for the best and force his DD to do something she doesn't want

Commissioner - I didn't mean that as a go at you. YANBU. I think it is up to your dp to talk this through with his daughter. She might have been anxious or jealous or anything and he just ignored her.

If she feels she is being sidelined, it won't matter what he arranges in terms of childcare. He needs to look at what happened to his plans last minute and ask if there is something more than a last minute change of heart?

Commissioner. Have you posted about your partner before? About painting the bedroom and a whole lot of other stuff?
Because if you are that person, then seriously, why are you still considering moving in with him?

Its ok debs, I agree with you, she shouldn't just be expected to sleep at friends houses.

But I know she will have told him days before that she didn't want to go and he will have completely ignored her and denied that she'd even brought it up. He ignores me like that sometimes to, he just switches off.

Apparantly she was fine about going to the friend's house at first but then the friend arranged a party and his dd didn't want to go to that as she didn't know anyone.

Understandable ... so she told him this 3 days ago ... on the actual day he's still asking her what time she was going. She said "I told you 3 days ago I wasn't going!" and he acts like its the first time he's heard it ... despite later admitting to me that "she might have mentioned it a few days ago"

but he blamed her fully, said he was livid with her and refused to take any blame himself for not arranging a proper babysitter.