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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DP to make an offer on this house?

32 replies

dilemma456 · 18/05/2009 09:56

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OP posts:
ClaireDeLoon · 18/05/2009 09:58

YANBU at all I can't believe he thinks that is OK!

herbietea · 18/05/2009 10:00

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KingCanuteIAm · 18/05/2009 10:01

YANBU! Isn't this relationship a partnership with joint decisions and care for the difficulties of the pther partner? Especially unreasonable if he is not even going to be there half the time!

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 18/05/2009 10:02

YANBU at all! Can you get him to do the journey once (even if it's at a weekend or something) just to see what a pain it would actualy be?

rookiemater · 18/05/2009 10:02

YANBU, what is it about men and buying things . This would be a big issue for you but because it won't impact your DP it isn't an issue at all apparently. Am angry on your behalf. You could threaten to give up work as if it takes that long to get your DD to nursery I would imagine that its going to be fairly impossible to get to work on time ? That should jolt him into reality.

pjmama · 18/05/2009 10:03

It's not the perfect house unless you're both happy with it.

Uriel · 18/05/2009 10:03

Just let him know that if you move to the house you and dd will be taking a taxi everywhere.
He won't mind, of course, as he'll be prepared to make the financial sacrifice for the perfect house. And he'll get used to it.

BitOfFun · 18/05/2009 10:05

Uriel, spot on! I was going to suggest insisting he pay for driving lessons and a car, or drop dd off himself. Taxis would be much easier though

KingCanuteIAm · 18/05/2009 10:07

I agree with the poster who suggested you get him to do the journey, could you get him to do that? It would only work though if he is able to extrapolate that out into how it would be doing it daily, any weather, otherwise he will do it, come back and just say "oh that was not so bad"

Doodle2U · 18/05/2009 10:07

Agree pjmama.

mumblechum · 18/05/2009 10:08

YANBU BUT your DH is being VFU

AMumInScotland · 18/05/2009 10:08

Tell him there's no way you're going to sign mortgage papers for a house which is so completely impractical for you and dd. It's not up to him to decide this is the "perfect house" - if the location isn't right, the house can't be perfect.

Tortington · 18/05/2009 10:09

i'm a bit at his attitude.

and i wold counter that attitude with " what a waster of time this will turn out to be for everyone involved, and you won't engender the trust of the estate agents in the future either. Becuase as you are going ahead with this, without my input, i just want to warn you that i am not signing any documentation from solicitors."

its a bit bizarre.

Original poster
dilemma456 · 18/05/2009 10:10

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OP posts:
atworknotworking · 18/05/2009 10:10

Dilemma not sure how old DD is but how long will she be at nursery for? and when will she be starting school, is the school closer than nursery?. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, being a couple whether partner or married is all about sharing, giving and a lot of compromise, I think he is BVU, can you hide the mobiles or cut the phone line or something .

I would tell him very firmly that yes it's a great house but it's not perfect, stick to your guns luv.

BitOfFun · 18/05/2009 10:20

Im sorry about the driving lessons suggestion- I did read your OP properly but then sieve brain kicked it, sorry!

You poor love...I think Custardo is right, you need to tell him it's taxis all the way or you won't be signing any paperwork.

Now get yourself a cuppa and enjoy a duvet day on mumsnet!

cat64 · 18/05/2009 10:21

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Overmydeadbody · 18/05/2009 10:26

YANBU

Jux · 18/05/2009 10:26

Tell him he'll have to take dd to nursery as it is untenable for you - he'll have to make "sacrafices for the perfect house at perfect price".

Thunderduck · 18/05/2009 10:28

YANBU. And that he's refusing to consider your feelings and desires is a far bigger problem than any the distance from the nursery could cause imho.

Hassled · 18/05/2009 10:35

Stick to your guns. And tell him now you won't be signing any paperwork whatsoever. I don't drive (no medical reason - just a bit phobic since DS1 got hit by a car) and the thought of a remote house with a walk to a bus-stop terrifies me.

And there are practical considerations - what if you twisted your ankle? What if DD is unwell and you have to get her to the doctors? Are there safety considerations - will you be walking back in the dark during the winter, with a small child, in a remote area? You'd be pretty vulnerable.

arightblossomthatone · 18/05/2009 10:40

YANBU. Ask him how he'd feel about walking 20 minutes to get to or from his car every single day, and if he'd rather keep looking for a house with nearer parking in that situation!

Where a bus stop is when you don't drive is vital, it doesn't matter how lovely a house is if your daily quality of life is so awful because it's hard to get around.

lizziemun · 18/05/2009 10:49

YANBU.

"DP says I'm being unreasonable and should be prepared to make sacrafices" Ok so what sacrafices is he going to make.

FWIW DD1 was at a nursery last year and yes missed a lot few sessions as i wasn't prepared for us to get soaked and then be wet allday.

Original poster
dilemma456 · 18/05/2009 10:57

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OP posts:
BitOfFun · 18/05/2009 10:59

pmsl