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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad...

14 replies

BradfordMum · 17/05/2009 20:32

Our 19 yr old Ds has just told us his almost 18 yr old yr is 8 weeks pregnant.
They found out 3 weeks ago and have arranged a termination on Thursday.
Ds is not happy and would like to keep the baby, but respects his gf's decision. She's almost halfway thru a music college course and feels the timing is wrong.

I can see both points of view, and realize in the big scale of things, mine and dh's thoughts are pretty low down on the spectrum.

This would be our first grandchild, our DD1 is happily married but on medication at the moment which means she must not get pregnant. DD2 is happily engaged, buy financially they are not able to afford to buy a house, let alone lose one wage and have a baby.

So.... Please don't flame me, but just let me wallow in my sadness for a while.

X X X

OP posts:
Hassled · 17/05/2009 20:35

Wallow away - it must feel very strange, and very sad.

MrsMattie · 17/05/2009 20:35

I can understand how you feel, and you are allowed to have your private feelings. I think the thing is - as I'm sure you are aware - that you need to keep them private. Talk to your DH about how you feel, by all means, and allow yourself that time to feel sad about this. Just put on a brave face to your DS and his GF. They are the most important people in all of this.

Take care.

KingCanuteIAm · 17/05/2009 20:38

No you are not unreasonable to feel sad, it is sad when someone makes a decision like this, no matter how right it is for them!

As long as you are not adding to their troubles by trying to change anyones mind (and I am sure you are not) then your feelings are just as valid as anyone elses. It sounds like your son is equally troubled by it all and you are probably going to need each other over the next little while.

Original poster
BradfordMum · 17/05/2009 20:39

We've told our son that whatever they choose, we will support them all we can
Apparently her mum knows but hasn't told her Dad yet, so we can't speak to her mum in case dad finds out. We are very close to all our children, and my heart is so heavy for my ds who would love this baby.

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 17/05/2009 20:41

You are a great mum. Hope it all goes OK.

RedCharityBonney · 17/05/2009 20:44

I'm so sorry ... it IS sad, and you're right and also quite brave to acknowledge it and think about it and deal with the feeling properly.
(())

chegirl · 17/05/2009 20:47

You poor thing. You have every right to feel sad. How wonderful that you are respecting their wishes AND that you have raised such a mature and supportive son.

I sometimes wonder how I would feel in this position as I have 3 sons now. My DD would have been 18 next year but we lost her 3 years ago. Its all so different when the one having a baby is your child's partner IYSWIM. I think i would want to beg and plead that they would keep the baby BUT hope that I would do the right thing.

As you are.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this .

ChippingIn · 17/05/2009 20:54

Of course you have the right to feel sad about this, it is/was potentially your grandchild - quite understandable!

However, they are both very young, so maybe this is the best thing for them both (if not for the 'baby' or you).

Very, very sad though that they are in the terrible postion of having to make this decision.

You have obviously done a great job of raising your son, he's a credit to you!

ChippingIn · 17/05/2009 20:55

Of course you have the right to feel sad about this, it is/was potentially your grandchild - quite understandable!

However, they are both very young, so maybe this is the best thing for them both (if not for the 'baby' or you).

Very, very sad though that they are in the terrible postion of having to make this decision.

You have obviously done a great job of raising your son, he's a credit to you!

ChippingIn · 17/05/2009 20:55

Of course you have the right to feel sad about this, it is/was potentially your grandchild - quite understandable!

However, they are both very young, so maybe this is the best thing for them both (if not for the 'baby' or you).

Very, very sad though that they are in the terrible postion of having to make this decision.

You have obviously done a great job of raising your son, he's a credit to you!

ChippingIn · 17/05/2009 20:55

Of course you have the right to feel sad about this, it is/was potentially your grandchild - quite understandable!

However, they are both very young, so maybe this is the best thing for them both (if not for the 'baby' or you).

Very, very sad though that they are in the terrible postion of having to make this decision.

You have obviously done a great job of raising your son, he's a credit to you!

ChippingIn · 17/05/2009 20:55

Of course you have the right to feel sad about this, it is/was potentially your grandchild - quite understandable!

However, they are both very young, so maybe this is the best thing for them both (if not for the 'baby' or you).

Very, very sad though that they are in the terrible postion of having to make this decision.

You have obviously done a great job of raising your son, he's a credit to you!

bluejeans · 17/05/2009 21:06

Sorry you are going through this. I commend you for seeing that your feelings are not the most important, as not all in your situation would. I also think it says a lot about your relationship with your DS that he has been able to discuss it with you

temporaryinsanity · 17/05/2009 21:19

Understand how you must be feeling. We are going through a similar thing with our 17 year old dd at the moment, although she has not yet decided what she will do.
My thoughts are with you.

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