to have more or less blanked SIL during visit to my mums today. Now I feel great!

[gabygirl]

Two hour visit. She said 'hello' to me when I arrived and I said 'hello' back, but other than that I didn't so much as look at her, let alone talk to her or spend more than 10 seconds in any room that she was in throughout the afternoon.

A bit of history - she's spent the last 15 years not bothering to hide her weary dislike of me and my children and I've busted my butt all these years pretending not to notice. My SIL has never, ever addressed a single comment to my children - she ignores them completely, except to wince and twitch her skirt if they brush against her while she's sitting on the sofa.
In all this time we've never been invited over to their house even though they only live 5 miles away (though they've accepted many invitations to our home in that time).

The last few months I've been depressed and I've found I can't cope with being around her. When I'm feeling mentally healthy I can deal with her not liking me, despite all my attempts to be friendly, interested and hospitable, but recently it's started to really get me down that there's a member of my close family who holds me in contempt for a reason that I'm unable to identify.

So today, for the first time I decided to forgo all my usual attempts to be amenable and just pretend she wasn't there.

And now I feel great and I'm wondering why I didn't do this years ago.

Am I being childish? I'm 43 by the way. Do you think I should be able to rise above it?

Good for you!!! Perfect! You take care of you and you are not being nasty. Who cares why she's like this, you are doing your things and in the best way. I admire you for not making a scene and just getting on with it.

can you invite her kids over to yours if they get on so well? then they can have a nice relationship and you don't need to be arsed with your SIL(who sounds like a loon)

She sounds bitter about her upbringing and as though she has a massive chip on her shoulder. She probably resents the fact that despite you living where you do etc, you have managed to be happy and spend time with your children (and retain your middle classness, which she is probably really envious of). I have a 'friend' with a massive chip like this. She is enormously socially ambitious and easily takes offense if she thinks someone is doing better than her (it's very subtle but quite noticeable once you have been on the receiving end once or twice).

I agree that the real victims here are the children, who do get on. Is there any way that you can encourage a relationship between them without having to have too much to do with SIL? Could you speak to your B about this, and ask him to help you get the children together without creating too many waves? What about the rest of your family? Do they recognise or acknowledge that she is so incredibly rude to you? She sounds absolutely toxic.

I honestly think you should have it out with her. Just corner her in a quite place and say 'You really don't like me, do you?'. I would. Call her bluff. Confront her with her own unpleasantness, and see what she does.

She sounds thoroughly unpleasant and rude, to be honest with you, and I think it's a testament to your own sense of decency that you have put up with her for this long. I think a less patient person (like me!) would have told her to sling her hook a long time ago.

(I also have a personal bugbear with teachers who hate the kids they teach. Don't teach then! ).

She sounds really unpleasant , and probably jealous.

The only thing that would bother me about her is pulling faces , if my child happened to brush past her. That would really wind me up. I would say something thing then.

That woman has some serious issues, Gaby!