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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put my foot down and say no?

38 replies

feelingsillyandfoolish · 16/05/2009 17:09

Have name changed as I am feeling guilty and a bit stupid about the whole situation now!

The two boys (18 and 14) asked for a lift to a driving range in the next town. There is two good ones in the town we live in where they could bike to but apparently they needed to go this one as it was 'better'. (even though it's more expensive and I was giving them the money to go!)

I said no I wasn't going to take them to the one they wanted to go to as it was too expensive and I'd have to drive them. ( I was also in the middle of cooking so would have had to turn everything off to take them )

They asked and asked for about 10 mins (probably longer) and I said No, had explained why and put my foot down. They went on and on to the point where I felt both cross and upset that they couldn't take no for an answer. Plus, eldest said the only reason I wasn't taking them was because I ?Couldn't be ar*ed? even though they could see me cooking.

Embarrassing to admit now but I cried as felt so worn down by them and felt like a crap mum as I said no and was still being treated like a doormat. After they both saw me crying they agreed to go to one in our town but then I felt guilty so stopped my cooking and took them anyway as I felt mean for not doing it in the first place.

I could have stopped my cooking and given the extra money (which I did in the end anyway) but didn't want to so said No.

Would really like some perspective on this and am now thinking I was BU to say no in the first place?

OP posts:

MadameCastafiore · 17/05/2009 08:47

If your kids had any integrity they would have refused to go after seeing you crying - even if you said you would take them and give you the money. Terrible behaviour - to be honest the sound thoroughly spoilt. That is not a reflection on you by the way.

And the oldest is 18 - can he not drive or use public transport? When DH was a teen he used to walk a couple of miles to the golf course after getting a bus to the nearest town he could.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/05/2009 09:31

Sounds like this is a pattern for them that you have probably followed for a long time, but my first thought when I read this was (sorry) you are mad for taking them in the end. How dare they nag you, tell you you 'can't be arsed' and push you to tears?
Look, harsh words but you are raising boys who think they can talk to their mum like shit and will always get what they want as long as they whine/threaten/guitl trip for long enough. Do you want your boys to grow up into men who think like that?

In future, they get a no, that means no. If they speek to you with cheek 'you can't be arsed'! ! ! they get nothing and for god's sake, follow through! Don't say no then give in!

StripeyOss · 17/05/2009 10:37

Get the 18yo driving lessons and put him on the insurance to drive your car.. then tell him he's the 14yo's taxi.

I'll give him a couple of months before he apologises for being such an arse over it.

SoupDragon · 17/05/2009 10:39

As StripeyOss says, make the 18yo learn to drive.

Notalone · 17/05/2009 10:43

I think you just sound worn down and wanting to do the best for your sons. I would second Marlasingers comment - demand an apology and make it clear no means no. They will probably try the same thing on again in the future but if you make it clear you will not be wavering next time then you will find it easier.

And Moondog - do you not know how to be nice. Some of your comments (not just on this thread) make me and a bit

PfftTheMagicDragon · 17/05/2009 11:03

I'm confused. You say you put your foot down, but you did take them anyway. You said you refused to give them extra money, but then you gave it anyway. How did you put your foot down?

katiestar · 17/05/2009 18:09

YANBU to put your foot down.Hopefully after seeing you cry will make them think about this kind of behaviour in future.They most likely had no idea the effect it was having on you.
To their credit they seemed to feel guilty in the end.

ChippingIn · 17/05/2009 21:04

Thanks Kat - you saved me from typing it all out....

By kat2907 on Sun 17-May-09 09:31:53
Sounds like this is a pattern for them that you have probably followed for a long time, but my first thought when I read this was (sorry) you are mad for taking them in the end. How dare they nag you, tell you you 'can't be arsed' and push you to tears?
Look, harsh words but you are raising boys who think they can talk to their mum like shit and will always get what they want as long as they whine/threaten/guitl trip for long enough. Do you want your boys to grow up into men who think like that?

In future, they get a no, that means no. If they speek to you with cheek 'you can't be arsed'! ! ! they get nothing and for god's sake, follow through! Don't say no then give in!

Just wanted to add a HUG though as you sound worn down by all three of them!

sleepymommy · 17/05/2009 21:28

An 18 year old spoke to his mother like that? He should be ashamed of himself. If he was mine he'd be told that he isn't too big for smacked legs. And I wouldn't fucking take him anywhere.

squeaver · 17/05/2009 21:32

I mean this in the nicest possible way, believe me, but you need to grow a pair.

RAPEFACE · 17/05/2009 23:00

Message deleted

hippopotamouse · 17/05/2009 23:18

I did have a sensible reply thought out but just read last posters name! Change it please that is awful!!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/05/2009 23:21

Got to be another bloody troll. Have reported

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