to want to kill a defenseless woodland animal?

[YanknCock]

Stupid bastard fucking squirrel.

Two days ago, I hired a handyman to seal up the hole at the side of our house where the little shit was living.

Squirrel cannot take a hint. He is hanging off the roof, chewing on the wood trim, trying to reopen his door. Have been out there numerous times yesterday, and three times already this morning to try to scare him off. There are little shards of wood all over the ground.

The squirrel is getting progressively more bold and threatening, making hissing noises at me when I go out there.

I really hope the neighbours weren't awake to see me, in my dressing gown and a pair of DH's trainers, raising a finger to my roof and saying 'GO AWAY! FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO LIVE!'

I have never wanted to kill an animal, until this morning. Am sooooo tired. Waking up early makes my morning sickness worse.

So AIBU? Have I missed out some 'humane' way of getting the squirrel to fuck off? Does anyone know a hitman in the Northwest?

[Tripperfinn]

just want to say i hope u get it sorted v soon, can't be good for a pregnant lady's nerves, our problem is rats, currently waiting for DH to get home from work to remove a dead one the size of my MIL's yorkie terrier from one of my kitchen cupboards

[Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa]

I'm 2 days off my due date, huge, bored and grumpy.

I am quite feverishly gripped by this thread [no life emoticon], I've always said squirrels are just rats wi' pretty tails.

I await developments.

Congrats BTW!!!!!

[Paolosgirl]

My BIL, who is one of the nicest, most mild mannered men, loathes and detests squirrels. They have a massive garden and he spends many happy hours killing them with a shotgun. We're all quite , but he feels no remorse. He's had so much damage done to his house and garden that he's happy to send a few to squirrel heaven, and pins their tails up on his shed wall to remember them by

[springlamb]

I'm sadder about the trees than I am about the imminent death of your dear friend Archibald the squirrel, Yank.
And now Rats have put in an appearance, don't get me going on rats. I caught one once stealing an entire loaf of bread from my kitchen at the old house. I've had a downer on them since.

[YanknCock]

Well, the squirrel didn't make a further appearance, so just paid the guy for killing the bees. He says the squirrel is most likely a female who has made a nest, and she will get in eventually, through any means necessary, if not dealt with. He did mention trapping, but...he said where we'd want to put the trap was right in view of neighbours, and if there were squirrel fans around they might purposely release the squirrel in protest (apparently it happens a lot). So his advice was to hire someone to shoot it, and he gave me some ideas as to where to look (but will give Dita's friend's DH first crack if he wants it!).

Dita, I think as long as your email preferences say you're willing to receive CAT messages, you don't need to pay. I've sent a CAT thing to you with my email address (and it seems to have gone through), but if you don't get it, will try the other method.

springlamb, would it make you feel better about the trees if I told you right across the street there is a really nice wooded area? And these particular two trees were planted way too close to the house and would be quite dangerous if there is a storm? The survey we had when we bought the house recommended getting rid, so it's just a bonus if it deters future squirrel lodgers.

Grumpy, hope your baby makes an appearance soon. I'm already bored with pregnancy, can't imagine what it will be like in 3 months!

Condolences to those dealing with pests, it is a frikkin' nightmare.

[YanknCock]

Pictures of the saga so far on my profile, enjoy!

Three trees in total taken down. While the guy was here, my neighbour came round and asked if we were thinking of doing another tree in our garden that is really close to their house. Agreed it could go too if she would go halves on the extra £50 the guy wanted to do it. Our garden looks sooooo much bigger now, and will get a lot more light! It is north facing, so was very dark a lot of the time.

Squirrel was gnawing this morning, which drove very ill DH into the other room. I had my earplugs in, so managed to sleep in a bit later than the last few mornings. With the trees gone, it will be interesting to see how long it takes for the squirrel to find an alternate route up to the roof. Perhaps I should put vaseline on the pipes now?

[YanknCock]

Am seriously going to cry now.

Sitting in living room, vaguely heard huge scraping and thumping noises, thought they were coming from something outside (someone moving a bin, dragging a tree branch, I dunno). Went outside, didn't see anyone or anything around.

Then heard noise coming from kitchen (which is on the same side of the house as the squirrel hole). Had DH turn off telly, stood perfectly still outside kitchen and listened. Something is definitely in the wall. Armed with a mop, started opening cupboards, ready to bash whatever the hell it is. Can't see that it's made its way into the cupboards, maybe it only sounds like that due to the echo.

So either we have a new pest (rats???), or that fucking squirrel has found a way back into the wall and has moved from the first floor to the ground.

If I were religious I'd be looking for a plague of locusts next. What did they do to get rid of the plagues? Do I need to sacrifice a goat or something? I like goats, they've not done anything to me aside from make nice cheese.

[leonifay]

...well, they left their homes, well they let the slaves leave there homes. (i'm not suggesting thats what you should do)

[PufferFish]

I fully sympathise Yankncock!

I've had my fill of British wildlife too. We have field mice and voles in our wall cavities and I can hear them running around on the lounge ceiling while I watch telly (despite having at least 15 industrial traps hidden around the house). Had lots of lovely litters of wild rabbits living in the garden a few months back until they contracted mixmatosis (sp?) and died slowly and horribly, one by one (on one particularly dark day I had to scoop up 5 dead baby rabbit corpses). To add insult to injury, we seem to have acquired a resident squirrel in the last fortnight who has been hanging around the garden, digging holes and ripping up my (previously blooming) strawberry plants !

[YanknCock]

I have NO idea what is going on now. Heard faint scrabbling the last two days in the wall/roof area on 1st floor. Went out this morning to look, and A squirrel is definitely in the wall, but not sure it is THE squirrel.

All the gnawing since the initial hole-filling has created a crevice between the brick wall and the roof (normally covered by wood trim boards, but chewed away). The crevice doesn't look big enough for it to have gotten in, but supposedly they can get through really tight gaps.

So when I go out now, I can hear little noises, and then suddenly I see squirrel arms reaching out of the crack! Is this one that got walled in? Or is it the same one who has gotten in and is just enlarging the hole? No idea what to think now!

[DashingRedhead]

Please can we have an update Yank! Am v anxious to know if you're getting any more sleep.

[YanknCock]

Wish it was better news. . .

Squirrel does not seem to be as much of an early riser now--it waits until about 7ish before running/thumping all over the roof, which echos into both bedrooms. I don't know how it's getting up there with all the trees down, but it has clearly found a way. It is also back living in the wall, but mostly getting scratching/scrabbling sounds rather than the gnawing. Appears to have made a new entrance right next to the old one (as predicted by pest control guy). The wooden boards will need replacing as they are chewed to shreds (but not until we're sure he is gone).

Am slightly worried as we have houseguests for the next two weekends. One is a MNer who is familiar with the story--I should probably buy a spare pair of earplugs for her just in case.

Can't do much with it being bank holiday weekend, but planning to phone up the pest control guy and see if he's got any more ideas. If we'd had someone to shoot it before it managed to make a new entrance, that would have been better, as he was out in the open sitting on the roof so much of the time. Now he'll just hide in the wall.

Maybe ammonia-soaked rags pushed into the new opening? Or mothballs? We are running out of money.

I really hate that furry little shithead.

[merryberry]

oh dear, you are proper pestered by your pest! i have my own earplugs . points to:

inner london postcode
2 small children
overcrowded house of colombians to the left
roof dwelling sweeties from bristol to the right
snoring dh
and general i gave up sleeping much over 4 years ago-ness

[YanknCock]

@merryberry

You might find the relative silence up here disconcerting (we did at first). It is now notable when we hear a police siren, very different from being off the main road in Greenwich!

All I can say re: the squirrel is, pack your earplugs. . .