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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be uncomfortable when i hear women say this...

27 replies

wolfnipplechips · 13/05/2009 18:56

I earn considerably more money than my Dh/Dp

I was reading an article in a magazine earlier where a woman mentioned it in the context of discussing returning to work, ok fair enough in that context you have to talk about money but its the "considerably" bit that gets me. Lately i have heard it said by a few people in RL. One woman in particular who is our a friend of ours GF and it makes me feel a little uncomfortable but only in the same way it would if i heard a man saying it IFYSWIM

OP posts:

cory · 13/05/2009 19:00

can you expound on that?

why does 'considerably' make you feel uncomfortable?

because you feel there shouldn't be significant earning differences between spouses/partners or because you shouldn't talk about it?

my dh earns considerably more than me- thank goodness!

MrsMattie · 13/05/2009 19:02

I don't understand...

My DH earns considerably more than me and I have no problems with him acknowledging in in private or public, as long as he doesn't say it in a twattish 'considerably richer than yooooo' type way

HolidaysQueen · 13/05/2009 19:03

For a long while I earned considerably more than my DH; now he earns considerably more than me. It is a fact. I could say "quite a lot" in place of considerably if you preferred

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 13/05/2009 19:03

No no i feel that in some ways it is undermining(sp?) their partner. Who cares who earns more.

OP posts:

HolidaysQueen · 13/05/2009 19:04

But it sounds like it's a fact. You just choose to interpret considerably as undermining the other person. Your problem I think.

AnyFucker · 13/05/2009 19:05

wolf, I agree that turn of phrase reminds me of the Loadsamoney sketch "I am conderably richer than yooooouuu"

twattish IMO, and un-necessary

depends on the context though, I suppose < mounts hedge >

smallchange · 13/05/2009 19:05

In the context of returning to work it's very relevant: ie if one partner earns a considerable amount more it will have a greater affect on family income if they choose to give up work. Male/female the principle is the same.

Not sure what the problem is with the word "considerable". Surely in this context it's purely descriptive.

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 13/05/2009 19:06

Would you tell people in general conversation in RL though?

I only ask because i'm wondering if i am just being protective over a friend.

There are alot of assumptions made about mine and dh's wages and i never put people straight but only because its their business IMO.

OP posts:

smallchange · 13/05/2009 19:07

effect effect effect

HolidaysQueen · 13/05/2009 19:09

Perhaps twattish of she went round telling strangers in the street "hey guys, just wanted to let you know, i earn considerably more than my DH so i clearly have bigger balls than him", but not sure how it can be twattish in the context of an article about reasons for returning to work! And find it odd that wolf says her issue is with the word "considerably" as if she would have been okay with it if the lady had said "I earn an incey-wincey bit more than my DH"...

tigana · 13/05/2009 19:09

In the context of returning to work, she was explaining that she was the main provider for the family eg earns the largest wage... so financially it really does make sense for her to return to work.

Don't think it is belittling the other person.

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 13/05/2009 19:11

I totally agree that it is necessary to use it in the context of returning to work i only mention it as thats what made me think about it.But bringing it up in feneral conversation and emphasing the considerably puts me on edge.

I'm sure i ABU maybe i just feel protective over my friend so am being silly.

OP posts:

Noonki · 13/05/2009 19:12

some people find discussing income at all really bad manners.

Whereas others will quite happily discuss exactly how much they earn.

personal choice if you dont want to tell don't.

fluffles · 13/05/2009 19:12

what do you think 'considerably more' means?

DP earns 50% more than me... is that 'considerably'?

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 13/05/2009 19:15

Couldn't you just say I earn more than my Dh so it made better financial sense for me to be the one to return to work, rather than. I earn considerably more than my fh so it made better financial sense to return to work. You don't have to justify your reasons for returning to work. But thats not really what this is about the article isn't really the issue.

OP posts:

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 13/05/2009 19:17

I wouldn't even hazard a guess fluffles its just that it sort of seems like a put down when you add are talking about yourself.

OP posts:

HolidaysQueen · 13/05/2009 19:19

I think people are just picking a word that is often used in the context of "quite a lot more" and you are taking that as some kind of insult to their partner. You don't like it so you don't say it; they have no issues so they do. I hate it when people use all sorts of words, but I don't post on MN about it. Sorry, I really think YABU.

MANATEEequineOHARA · 13/05/2009 19:23

YABU! Or more to the point I just do not understand what you are on about! If that is the case them why on earth not state the fact!?

cory · 13/05/2009 19:25

I don't think I'd feel undermined if dh said he earned considerably more than me

and I am sure he would be deligthed if I found a way of earning considerably more than me

if I was in a discussion over who returned to work, "considerably" might make sense in underlining that it genuinely was a financially based decision, not just dh earned a titchy bit more so we're using that as an excuse

blueshoes · 13/05/2009 19:25

She might feel she has a good enough reason to justify going back to work. It is not the main breadwinner per se she is addressing. It is the expectation in some circles, rightly or wrongly, that mothers should stay at home with their children when they are young. Or she might be a tad disappointed to have to return to work and is justifying it to herself.

Therefore, she does not just need to earn more, she needs to earn considerably more.

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 13/05/2009 19:39

Ok i shall i have been told i'll accept that i ABU.
I suppose i just don't like to talk about money it makes me uncomfortable. Fair enough, glad i asked.

OP posts:

HolidaysQueen · 13/05/2009 19:42

scottishmummy · 13/05/2009 19:54

i'd just get her to get the drinks in if she's that loaded

wouldnt bother me,in fact good luck to her.

BUT it can be a bitty Smugly McSmug to discuss your salary.one needs to be tactful

Horton · 13/05/2009 20:01

DH earns about four or five times as much as me. I don't mind him describing it as 'considerably more' should he feel moved to do so. I mean, it's true.

yama · 13/05/2009 20:08

YANBU - I 'get' why you'd feel uncomfortable.

It's a bit vulgar to talk about money so and rather demeaning to their dp (IMO).

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