To be fed up of my dh constant scrutinising of everything I buy in the weekly shop and constant stressing and fretting

[sail05]

He has done this ever since our dc were born aged 3.5 and 18 months and he became the sole wage earner and I became a sahm. I dont drive so we used to do our shopping together on his day off in the week (not saturdays as he works then but thats irrelevant!) Anyway everything that went into the trolley was questioned why do you want that when are you cooking it what are you putting in it. It was embarassing and the shop took ages!

Anyway after ds2 was born it got worse and shopping with 2dc is hard at the best of time so I decided to do internet shopping. Last week our small chest freezer (2nd one kept in the garage) packed up. We have a small kitchen and our other freezer is really tiny. We had to buy a new one. We had to throw out alot of food that was ruined.

We have obviously had to buy extra this week. Also need nappys aswell as all the usuals. No matter how hard I try I can't trim it down anymore and dh is stresing about everything and its driving me nuts. We have enough inn our account but he is still fretting. He worries if our account falls below £50 at any time! I told him to get real and there are people alot people alot worse off that us. He's ringing me throughout the day because he has thought about this and that. He rang 5 times in 2 hours today!

He is furious at this weeks shop and I am fed up with it all

click on the pdf when this web site comes up Meal planner.

I just created my own web page in about 5 minutes - how cool is that?

can you get a job.earn your own money and you wont be accountable to anyone.help him share the burden

as sole wage earner with recession, previous experience of reckless spending he will be fraught

get him to take sole charge of ordering etc and see if he can bring it in costing less without noticeable quality drop

I haven't replaced everything yet also bought my usuals plus various things we've run out of it all adds up but thats not the issue really as it happens every week regardless!

It sounds to me like you keep a strict control over what you spend, yet this is obviously not reassuring your dh.

It does sound as if he needs some help tbh. Have you discussed his childhood experience with him?

Thats great doodle2u!

Xpost sorry. Its a very sensitive subject with him so I have to tread carefully. Have occasionally mentioned it and he does agree that is where his money "issues" comes from.

Can you sit down with him one evening and say, yes we need to get on top of this and do a menu plan/shopping list to cover everything. Then send him to the supermarket. You can guarantee he will be horrified that buying everything on the list costs THAT much, and he might be more open to productive discussion as to where you might make savings.

Oh and by the way scottishmummy I did work full time during those predc years. However the decision to be a sahm was a joint decision we'd had enough years to discuss it and yes save for it as we had been ttc for most of those years. We are not by any means on the breadline this is an unusual week for us. We have savings and I am happy with our decision to be a sahm and I do not want to change it for now. I am officially on a career break from my job so I could return in August if I chose to but I won't unless our circumstances radically change.

xposts again used to do this before and half the things were "forgotten"!

Not much to add really that the others havent said already but just wanted to say you can normally get a free delivery code for most supermarkets if you do a search . I use money saving expert

DH always does this to me... he may have a point, but unfortunately I don't get to scrutinise his purchases in the same manner; we are currently on emergency electricity and only have £2.50 until the end of the month. We are supposed to be going camping next week too.

why do you "have to tread carefully"? thats not right,you all have to eat......ridiculous situation.

oh pipe down with the "by the way" i am not having a go.exploring some suggestions with you

thats all.nowt else

I meant regarding his childhood experiences although he has told me everything about what happened obviously doesn't like to talk about it go over it much. Very sensitive subject for him.

Sorry! Getting abit worked up about it! I think I should go to bed its been a long day!

washasaurus....thats not gonna last!!

sail......what happens when you need new clothes?

sorry!do stay.i didn't mean to snap back.ditto long day

google for tesco etc free delivery codes
martins money tips
MN folk post codes too

Hmm am hunting around for things to sell...but at least my freezer is fully stocked

Sail, my approach would be to do a joint shopping list and then order all the cheaper versions and wait for the complaints about quality etc.

I drag my 2 DC's to and around Lidl a couple of times a week in the buggy. Lidl have much cheaper, reliable nappies, and some good discounts on certain ranges/items. We ALWAYS order more than just the essentials with an online shopping order.

Message withdrawn

Ah I feel for you. Both of you actually. I do wonder whether your Dh is from a family where there was never enough money/food to go round (as mine was) as this coupled with being sole earner, new mouths to feed and credit crunch can be hugely stressful. My dh is a bit like this but I think the main problem is that they are out of touch with what things cost and what you need to feed a family every day. In the end I wrote a three week meal plan which he agreed to and then sent him shopping. I usually spend about £80 a week but by the time he had gone round the supermarket with DS and DD for company he had clocked up £160 and I promise you that shut him up!!!

Good luck

I wonder how you all manage to spend so little - I always spend 150-200 per week (3 adults and 3 kids, but no packed lunches). I know there have been millions of threads on this, but I just can't make the money go further.

sail05, my dh's parents lost their business and home through bankruptcy, and my parents came close to losing their home. Happily, my dh has a very healthy attitude to money, it's me who scrimps beyond what we need to do!. I agree with other posters who've said to do out meal plans, look for discounts and to agree a weekly budget etc.
btw your dh's mil and mine sound very similar, even now my mil will spend like a sailor!

doodle2U fantastic meal planner!! I shall be nicking some of your menu ideas. I plan for the week but like your rotation idea

I'd suggest a different approach. It sounds like he has an obsessive/anxiety problem (I speak from experience of DH and DMIL!). Without addressing this issue I doubt anything else will work - and even if it does I'll bet he just finds something else to do it over.

It may be a sensitive subject, but he really needs to talk to someone, anyone about it. I'm betting his stress levels are through the roof at the moment as IME someone like this is like an iceberg - most of their problems are hidden under the surface, it's amazing how much self-control they can muster. I really would be thinking about getting him to see a GP or talk about counselling. Sorry to be so dramatic, but I know from experience how suddenly things can spiral out of control.

I hope you can both resolve this, I really feel for you as I know it's hard to cope with people when they're like this.