to ask my neighbour to back off and let me raise my child myself thank you very much

[summerbird]

OK I am the first to admit when IABU, but me and DH are expecting DC1 in 3 weeks and are really looking forward to getting stuck in and learning all the fabulous things that come with parenthood.

We have a lovely neighbour who is very well meaning but keeps making comments like 'oh you two have no idea how hard it is going to be, i cant wait to come around and help you out/take baby for walks to give you a break/ stick my fecking nose in etc etc.

It is really starting to wind me up as I remember when my little sister was born and my mums neighbour did exactly the same thing and ended up almost falsely imprisoning my sis at her house (my mum had to keep going over to ask for her baby back!!)

Now I know she is being lovely and helpful and in no way do i want to offend her, but we really want to do this ourselves. There will be times when i know i will be grateful to have her take baby for walks and am happy for her to do it, but she is the type who will be knocking on the door every five mins and i want to know how i should politely on some occasions tell her to leave me and babba alone.

We live away from our parents and she is also making comments like 'you poor thing not having your mum around but dont worry you have me' - now i know that is lovely but it upsets my mum (as she said it in front of her once )

It is the whole idea that we 'cant manage' and that she is stepping in and taking over, when DH and I are perfectly capable adults (he has helped look after four niece/nephews and i have looked after two sisters when they were babies).

I beg you - the MN jury to give me some tips on polite but firm things to say when she starts coming round every time the babba cries!

Over to you........

As others have said, lock your doors, put up a note about sleeping, point her in the direction of the dishes/shopping list - and wait for the next baby to be born in your neighbourhood.

plimple i am going to write that blurb on my hand to use whenever she calls round, i think she might respond to that. At least i am not saying that her help isnt welcome, just that i will ask if i need it.

oldlady i might have a word with the young couple over the road, encourage them to have babbas, maybe hide her contraceptive pills or something

Thanks guys lots of good advice

I like Pink's comment best (re lactating)!!

Wait and see - try not to get so stressed about something that might not be an issue (why oh why can't I do that myself????).

You have had some good suggestions - like putting a Do Not Disturb sign on the door etc but most importantly take any help you want to at the time, however, do as everyone has suggested - point her in the direction of the ironing/washing up/pegging out clothes etc and if she's happy to do that - then hand over the baby for a cuddle (everything comes at a price ).

I think she is being a bit of a PITA already, but the situation your Mum was in is making it 100x worse - try not to assume it will be the same... try to relax...

ah thanks chipping and all the other ladies on this thread.

I bumped into PITA's hubby today and he was telling me that she had been to another girls house up the street who is apparantly 11 days overdue and was giving her some 'advice' he said it all innocently and i was secretly giggling inside thinking the poor love was getting the same treatment as me! Praps oldlady is right in that she will have that girl to nosey into as well which may take the pressure off me! She will have to split herself two ways now

I asked my DH last night if he thought IABU and he said 'not unreasonable just maybe a little too sensitive to it' which is fair enough

I think some of her behaviour is bizarre. I can't imagine any of my neighbours dragging their relatives round to look at my house, and I can't imagine doing that to any of my neighbours. If she isn't a great friend and is just a neighbour who is OK in short doses then I'd start being polite but a bit distant from her and making excuses when she wants to come round.
My sister had problems with an overbearing neighbour who wanted to become too involved in her life. Sadly he went from fussing over her to ignoring her, although I think if you let these things drag on and tackle them in a burst of emotion it can be worse than gradually cooling things. My sister still prefers the current situation to the past one though.