DH works from home on and off - is it illegal for him to empty the dishwasher?

[carocaro]

Just wondering if it was some law I missed.

DH works from home sometimes and apparently is he not allowed under any circumstances to empty a dishwasher - take the bin back in - pick up the pile of clothes on the stairs - suggest or even make something for tea - just now and again?

I have been out all morning with DS2 aged 2 so he can have some peace to work. And it just pisses me off that he can't spend 5 mins emptying the diswasher and filling it again. So I get to do it yet again with a 2 year old fiddling with the dishwasher,
picking up glasses etc etc.

He is spectacular at watching Man Utd and having a long shit every day. Well done.

Emptying dishwasher and putting stuff away shouldn't take much longer than the average 'fag break'. He is being deliberately annoying.

Is he being paid per hour or per job?

pmsl
In between papers/files/e-mails, doesn't the law state that he actually HAS to do one or other item on a list that his ladywife leaves for him that morning..???
Oh, and there should be a 20-min-and-one--book-at-a-time only limit to long dump sessions..

Hide the tv aerial and the loo roll.

Leave the dishwasher, I do this although to be fair dh does empty it. Often when he gets home he empties it, then has to fill it 2/3 full with all the dirty stuff waiting.

If your dh is using work as an excuse (genuine or otherwise) then just leave it, and say to him it needs doing when he finishes work. (if you need a mug or something just take the odd things out as you need it)

I am afraid that you are breaking the law . DP sadly informs me that by expecting him to help me change the sheets and assist with the laundry contravenes the Geneva convention.

I know your post is semi-serious but am pmsl.

YANBU. The law actually changed last year to state that all partners and husbands are now expected to reduce shitting time and increase domestic chore time.

The equation is as follows;

shitting time - 40% = domestic chore allowance + 40% (- time allowed for extra effort in bedroom if applicable)

Seriously though, i have always worked from home for a portion of each week. I also manage to run a household without compromising my job. Although you shouldn't expect him to do any chores in his normal working hours (9-5 for example) there is no reason why he can't do anything before or after work.
One compromise i have is that i will make lunch and clear up afterwards for anyone who is home. The reason being that i would stop for lunch anyway if in an office. Also, in an office i am expected to wash my own cups, do own lunch, clear it up after, why is it any different at home.

My DH could have written this post about me! I work from home and from the minute I get back from dropping off the dcs at school until the moment I get back from picking them up again I don't do a stitch of housework - because I am working and by any definition that doesn't involve making beds, planning meals etc. I do however go to the toilet and stop for a quick lunch! What this means is that DH (who gets home from work at 4) frequently comes home to a guddle and just can't get what I've been doing all day. Um working - just like him. He hasn't stopped teaching for twenty minutes to clean the bathroom and neither have I.

I totally appreciate how irritating his is - for you and for my dh but just wanted to give the other perspective. To be honest on days when dh is at home and I'm working I spend half the time feel guilty for not 'helping' him then when I do 'crack' and come out of the office for a while I feel guilty because I'm not working.

On the other hand if your dh is just loafing around picking his toe nails and playing spider solitaire on the computer - yanbu and he needs a slap around head.

yabu, he's working. treat it as though he was working from the office.

YANBU. The thing about dishwasher emptying, is that it's one of those tasks that are perfectly timed to fit in with the time it takes to boil a kettle. Even if he is working from home, when he takes a tea break, he can easily part-unload the dishwasher. DP has recently learned this, thankfully (after a few lectures about how he has to look for things that might need doing around the home, rather than waiting for me to tell him). He used to just stand there strumming his chest, staring out the window, whilst waiting for the kettle. Precious minutes of tidying time wasted!

YANBU. Him working at home when you are at home with a 2yo must be hard.

DH and I both work from home (sometimes even at the same time!) - DC at school/nursery -and we both empty/refill dishwashers etc while waiting for the kettle to boil (mostly in DH's case when the cleaner is due and the kitchen can't actually be seen in order to be cleaned) - I also tend to put on washing/hang it out. Sure, there are some days when we have been manically busy and the kitchen ends the working day in the same/worse state than it started, but it's remarkable how much housework you can get done whilst listening in to a boring conference call

SS - I am MNing right now while on a conference call

why do you think I am on MN so much ? Calls where I might be called upon to say things I get other work/ email done, those where I know I only have to listen I can go hang out the washing and get some fresh air.

YANB completely U. I don't think it's fair that someone working from home should do nothing at all around the house, even if someone else is in the SAH role. If he needed the odd bit of help with something work related - a lift, a phone call, something putting in the postbox etc then the SAH person would be churlish to refuse that, too.

My DH works from home on a permanent basis and when I was a SAHM I used to despair at the thought of him upstairs "researching" (i.e. pissing about with art books or chat rooms). I did have to remind myself daily that those activities did actually contribute to the end results that brought the money in and he did need a good stretch of time away from the family & housework(ideally 7 hours daily) to deliver decent work.

That said, I could not live with something who flatly refused to step out of role under any circumstances, whether that role is carer, worker, SAH parent or whatever. Families need a degree of flexibility from everyone to work.

YABslightlyU depending on his job and how much work he has.

DH used to work from home and when his sister came to stay she could not understand that he could not just drop everything and come and have a coffee with her at 3pm (Kaffee und Kuchen time in Germany). He was working.

If your DH has time to watch the football though, then he could empty the dishwasher. I would hesitate to infringe on his time in the loo, that is a basic human necessity. Even if men take 20 times longer than we do.

yabvvvu, it is impossible for any man to do this, how can you expect yours?

MmeL my DH did have an interesting conversation with one of the more senior residents of the village trying to explain that the fact that he was at home did not in fact mean he was at leisure to come and help out at the Help the Aged day centre across the road - so yes there are definitely limits, but emptying the dishwasher while the kettle boils is well within them, IMO.

yanbu, he should help some, especially as it probably does make things trickier for you.

mine does occasional work at home and i have to a) keep the boys away from him, b) keep them a bit quieter than usual, taking them out longer to do that, plus c) keep the house in slightly more orderly condition than i do when alone with them, so he doesn't break his neck/get his knickers in a twist, as he is neater than me.

we talked about it the extra constraint it is on us. now in return he start/finishes working a bit later/earlier, as well as some obvious bits and bobs. my fave though is when i get to nip out during ds2's nap time as dad is upstairs.

You expect your man to UNLOAD A DISHWASHER??? Dear Lord, what's the world coming to??!!

Message withdrawn

It is against the law for any man to use any intiative when it comes to housework.

Give clear simple instructions for basic tasks but still allow for a margin of error.

Put the washing away while I'm at work -

Could result in only the washing you have already dried and folded being put away into drawers, as you did not clearly specify that the washing hanging up on the line was also to be put away.

Or while you are at the supermarket after a days work and the kids have been put to bed, you might casually say when leaving the house - Can you cook tea?

Only to find when you return home - no tea is made as you ommitted the vital instruction of what to cook.

It has taken me 19 years to still not come to terms with this law!

Ok, here is my take on it.

If he were actually in his office, and not working from home, would the clothes be tidied off the stairs and the dishwasher emptied while you were out?

No, I did not think so.

When he is working from home, he is actually working but at home, he is not your domestic assistant, though I am sure it would be lovely.

I work from home. (I am a woman) I do not do any housework in my "work time". I rush to get the kids to school and nursery in the morning like any mum working outside the home, get the dishwasher emptied before I go out, and get the breakfast dishes tidied up before going out. When I get back from the school/nursery run, I am effectively "at work". I will not let the dishwasher, the washing machine, or clothes on the floor distract me. If I do, my entire working day disintegrates into housework. I need to filter out thinking about housework when I am supposed to work, as it takes my focus off work.

It requires a lot of discipline to work from home. Rather than relying on your husband to perform house duties while he is actually at work, I suggest you restructure your time so that you can manage both looking after your child (I take it you are a sahm) and tidy up/do housework.

God, is it just me? - but I hate emptying the dishwasher. So does DP. In our house, the solution is simple - we pay DD1 (aged 12) to do it. £1 a go. Job's a good un.

I will have to wait a few years till I can ask my oldest to do this, he cant reach the cupboards yet....

I am in awe of your self-discipline, Quint. I should do the same, but I don't (but it is restricted to coffee breaks since I work from my shed office in the garden)

stealth, if I had as much discipline as you think I have, I would not been on mn at ALL!

Hilarious!

I don't expect him to do HOUSEWORK just the odd thing here and there eg: he's going upstairs, take the clothes. You are catching up on Sky Sports News whilst the kettle boils, empty the dishwasher, I have to take DS1 to the docs at 8.30am can you look after ds2 and start 15-20 mins later than usual as you know he's 2 and a bugger in the docs and I can't talk to the doc properly about ds1 whilst ds1 is trying to take his own blood pressure!

He is a faffer and he takes ages to get ready and do things, which is the thing that pisses me off, lots of time for faffing, radio 5 live, sky sports news, reading The Guardian but not for the quick things I've mentioned.

You know that sort of thing.

Just like when he needs a presentation typing I HELPED when he needed his photograph taking for work I HELPED and research for his new business I HELPED, taking all his post I HELPED.

You know give and take etc etc etc.