Anyone up? AIBU to feel upset with DH?

[cyanarasamba]

A few weeks ago I sadly had a miscarriage and ended up going into hospital on my birthday for surgery to remove the pregnancy. I feel I've done a lot of my grieving now and am moving on, getting back to normal etc.

But tonight I'm really upset with my DH and how he behaved on the day - I don't feel I got a whole lot of support. He took me into hospital first thing at 7am and after about an hour went into work. He then came to pick me up at around 3pm when it was all over and brought me home where my mum was staying and looking after DS (who is 2). He then went back to work until around 8pm. I did not get a card or present from DH or DS. (DH did say something along the lines of "I thought about getting you this...." but it was pretty underwhelming.) I'm sure appropriate sympathy/hugs were extended on the day but they don't figure large in my memory right now.

So AIBU? I know he was having a rubbish time too, I am a SAHM so it's all on him to bring in the money, and I'm sure he was hurting about the miscarriage too. I said at the time he should probably go into work as he was busy but now it still hurts that he wasn't there. And not even a card or a few flowers under the circs???

He has said sorry after I pointed out I was upset about getting sweet FA on my birthday, but I can't say he's particularly made it up to me since. God I sound really spoiled and self-indulgent but I can't help it.

I am sorry for the losses of all you ladies who have been here. Sometimes it feels like there are too many tears in this world.

And thanks MmeLindt for sharing. I will bring it up with him again (not mentioning the word "present" once!) then try and move on for good.

Cyanara - from my perspective I think that you need to separate out in your head (first) the two things - birthday and mc. They seem to have got a bit muddled up and that's probably not helping either of you.

In terms of birthday, I would suggest to dh that, as a family (with ds) you have a 'special' day out - go somewhere where you wouldn't normally go which will be a nice day, have a meal out or whatever fits in, perhaps get a babysitter for the evening and have a meal out together. Say that you realise that it wasn't a good time to celebrate a birthday previously...

In terms of the mc - I think that you are justified in thinking that more support would have been good - but there is a limit to what dh's can do - My 2nd D&C dh had gone to sort something out for 30mins as I wasn't expected to be in surgery for the next 2hrs - so he wasn't there when I unexpectedly went in early... Perhaps this was his way of dealing with it. But if it was, you need to find this out - and he also needs to know that you didn't feel supported enough. If you don't sort it out it will be a little thorn that will niggle every now and then - better to get it out in the open...