To get angry at dh and neighbours?

[Confuzzeled]

We moved to our house in August, it's an old terrace with mix of council and private owns.

I have council houses on either side of me and this didn't bother me at all when we bought the place. I grew up in a council house that my Dad still lives in.

I get on okay with all my neighbours. The neighbour on one side who I'll call X, has been in her house for 30 years. She's got 6 kids who're all grown up and has about 20 grand kids who all come over at the weekend. She is a bit rough and screams allot at the kids who are very wild and as she tells me a few have adhd. She's also made comments about other neighbours who're black and chinese. I can put this all down to being stressed with a load of kids being dumped on you every weekend and plain ignorance regarding racist comments.

But she is rough and I wouldn't want to mess with her but she's always nice to me so I have tried to talk to her about our problem. I fear it may be the same problem that made her hate the man who used to own our house.

Her youngest son still lives with her. He's about 20, very overweight and smokes like a chimney. His bedroom backs onto my spare room, it was going to be dd's room but it's too noisy in there for her.

I'm sitting in my living room now and I can hear music. It's not loud and if I turn up my tv I can't hear it at all. It's on almost every day and evening till 1am most nights. In the spare room it's loud enough to keep you awake, in our bedroom you can hear it but it doesn't keep me awake.

I've been round to X's house and asked to speak to the son, she screams at him but he won't come down the stairs. I told her that he just needs to turn the bass down a bit and that'll help, but she just screams at him to "turn it down cause it's pissing off the neighbours again".

It's not a huge issue for me, it's irritating but I don't dwell on it. My dh treats it like it's the blight of his life. He often wakes me up in the middle of the night huffing and puffing about the noise. He bangs on the wall, which also wakes me and dd up.

He refuses to talk to the neighbour about it and says he's going to call the council or the police. This I think will annoy X to bits, she thinks she's being all neighbourly by telling her son the shut up when I go round.

I want to scream at my neighbour to get her son to turn his frigging music down and keep it down (or go out, get a job and move out of mummy's house). I also want to scream at dh for getting so wound up about it.

I honestly don't know how to handle this but it's really spoiling our new house.

The local council will tell your neighbours to cut out all noise during unsocial hours, if you ask them to, and if they continue will take away their equipment. To be honest I was utterly furious when this happened to me as I never play music. I did however use the washing machine at night to use the economy 7 electricity. The council did not check up to see if the washing machine was loud - they sent us a letter just on our neighbour's say-so. I stopped using it at night, of course. It makes no difference if you're an owner or renter - my neighbour is renting, we have a mortgage.

I suppose it would help if I answered the question - you're not being unreasonable. It sounds like your dh may be, if he wakes you up just so you can sympathise with him that the neighbour wakes him up!

Thanks l39, he is very annoying when he wakes me up. The worst bit is, he can actually sleep through anything and can drop off in seconds. When he wakes me up, it takes me ages to get back to sleep.

I don't really want to go to the council because I don't want to get on bad terms with my neighbour. I guess I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions how to handle this peacefully.

Could you afford to look into sound-proofing?

How do you sound proof a bedroom? I've never really heard of that before.

I am a very tolerant person, especially around noisy children and teenagers, because I was an unruly kid myself, much more so than my own children are. And young people are in the process of learning to be considerate of others, so most of them come along fine little by little.

But tolerance has its limits, and there are times when you need to put your foot down. Your dh is a little cowardly imho by not wanting to confront the offending party directly. It can be infuriating, and often unnecessary, to have the police knocking on your door instead of the complainer next door, who may easily be perceived as too chicken to stand up for himself directly and look you in the eye. But after confronting them directly, looking them in the eye when passing by will remind them to behave; it puts you in a position of authority.

Confront your neighbor in a very polite and friendly manner. If the nuisance continues after that, contact your neighbor again and say that if things don't change, you'll have to take it to the next level (the council or police or whatever).

yanbu
Could you speak to the 20 yo son directly?

In the meantime , I really recommend earplugs for sleeping. The little orange foam ones are best. YOU squish them into a line and shove them deep in your ear; they expand to fill your ear canal.

I need them to block out street noise/dh snoring.

i really sympathise.
I once lived in a semi where the neighbour had his telly on loud all day and half the night. It was very draining

Sorry to hear this- defo get the council involved...can you keep a diary of the noise for a week or two? It must be driving you crazy!

I fear it may be the same problem that made her hate the man who used to own our house

It's just a thought but if the guy you bought the house from knew about the problem and didn't say so then you may have grounds for compensation. Do you know if he complained to the police or council? If he did, it would help you if the problem does not resolve itself amicably.

It's a shame that you're dh isn't being supportive and waking you up as well. I agree that you should keep a diary and even possibly record the noise in the early hours.

is the noise affecting you dd?

Morning and thanks for your replies.

Last night at 12.30 my dh went next door as the noise was coming from upstairs and downstairs. It was neighbour X drunk playing techno (the woman is at least 50) downstairs and her son with the tv on loud upstairs.

X was very appologetic and turned her music down straight away but the noise from the sons tv was still really loud and went till 2am.

We have a spare set of good headphones dh was given that he doesn't use. We thought as a good will gesture we would give them to the son and ask if he could use them after 10pm. I'll also point out that it is becoming a major problem and it needs to be addressed as it's causing us serious problems when it comes to sleeping.

As for the guy who used to own this house, I don't think he was the type to go to the police. He was a big prison guard / bouncer and I think he would've just gone round and threatened them. His son used to stay in the room that backs onto the neighbours wall and it would have caused the same problems we're having.

My dd's room is on the other side of the house so she can't hear it thankfully. We were originally going to move her to that room once it was decorated but the noise is too much. We had friends come to stay and they said they could hear the tv as if it was in the same room.

It's really just wearing me down.

I'm glad dh went round last night though, he's grown a backbone It is me who's going to go round and talk to the neighbour today though. I agree it's probably better that I do it, I'm more down to earth, dh can come across as a big shaved headed grumpy growler.

haha maybe a "big shaved headed grumpy growler" is exactly what the sone needs to kick his ass into gear!! i agree with all the other posters - you need to keep on this. Politely tell them that it is causing you stress and that they need to turn it down/wear the headphones etc, and tell them that if nothing changes you will be forced to speak to the authorities about the next steps, because you have a child and it is disrupting your life.

It's only fair

Thanks Bobble, your right.

I'm going to go round after lunch to let my neighbour get over her hangover a bit

Offering him your headphones sound a really good idea.

Google 'sound proofing'. There is lots of info on how to do it.

Get your DH some earplugs. Go and see the neighbour and ask her if you can speak to the son as you know what kids are like and doing what their parents tell them.

Failing that, leave home!

no advice, but you have my sympathy. well done you, for staying calm and dealing with a potentially volatile situation.

Came home from work a bit early because I'm knackered and I met my neighbour on the bus.

She said she was sorry for her music and I told her it was fine and that it wasn't her music that I could hear. She said her son doesn't have a job just now so he stays up late, which is fair enough. I said he should be able to watch his tv in his room but if he could do a few small things it might make life easier on our side. I said I would pop over later with the headphones and speak to her son.

I know he won't want to talk to me but if I can get him to listen for 5 mins and if he does just one thing it'll help. He either has his speakers on a hard floor or mounted on the wall that backs onto ours. If he could either mount them on another wall or put carpet under it would help. If he turned the bass down it would also help.

neighbour mediation?
diary sheets,letters from council,followed by evidence. by evidence it needs to reach a certain level on specialised recording equipment. environmentaL health will install it to collect the evidence. then its prosecution. if itsa loud enough to warrant it,which i'm guessing it isn't.

sounds like you're stuck with it. hope he moves out soon

I know, sad sack, mooching off his mum.

How did the headphone offer go?
What a lovely idea.
You sound like a very considerate person

Thanks Mrsblanc, I just don't want to keep the peace with my neighbours and I don't like confrontation.

I went over yesterday evening but there was no answer at the door, so I'll go over later today.

His tv came on again yesterday evening at 9.30 but went off at 11.30, I think thats okay though.

Good luck with the son!

We can sometimes hear our neighbour's music (new-ish house, thin walls) however, when we first moved in he said to pop around if we could hear it and he'd turn it down. This was fine and we did a couple of times (nothing major), except the last time when the lovely neighbour answered the door to my DH in just an apron Never heard the music again, I think he was too embarrassed.

Definitely tell your neighbours that you'll have no option but to go to the council if the music/TV isn't turned down. You've been really nice and if she can't sort her son out then that's not your problem.