About DH and house work.

[smurfgirl]

DH will do housework but it takes a lot of prompting and reminding. He has got in the habit of doing it in the morning before he leaves for work. Which would be fine if he left enough time.

He does half the job and its driving me loopy (have high standards). I asked him to dust the living room on SATURDAY, he did it this morning, only he put nothing back and so I came down to a dining table full of frames/photos and ornaments. If he washes up in the morning he leaves the sink full of crap.

I am a bit annoyed of having to clean up after him, AFTER he has cleaned. ARGH.

He says I am lucky because he does it, oh yes, after 48 hours and not finished

yanbu.... I have one of these at home also. In the beginning he was so good at doing his share if not more than but now he starts something but doesn't finish it. It is really annoying and sometimes I think about just washing his work clothes and leaving them sitting in a basket until he needs them but can't wear them cos they are still wet so that he too can see how annoying it is when the other person only does half a job. That would be childish but I'm sure it would make the point.

do it yourself then to meet your high standards.

putting things back again are hardly high standards!! more like common sense Sarah!!

Jenice you had the same thought process as me.
Seriously just ask him if you did the washing thing how would he feel.

I have asked him and he says well I would't care, or you wouldn't do it. If I leave the stuff he has half done it makes my teeth itch (which is where the high standards bit comes in!).

I just feel that when I clean. I clean up and then put the stuff away.

He left the hoover out for a week once and when I said something he had a strop about how he was JUST ABOUT TO PUT IT AWAY.

So I hoover now...

He means well and its an oversight/laziness as opposed to him irritating me on purpose but it sill grates.

We also have rows about this. DH doesn't think he should do things just because I have asked him to, he will do it 'in his own time'.

You only hoover once a week?!

Do you both work because you say he works, so do you?

You're in the home all day it will annoy you more. He won't see it. If you are planning on a future you need to decide some ground rules as to who does what and which tasks get shared. Then try and stick to it.

Write a list of things he does that you never do. For instance does he take the rubbish out, fill the car up, wash the car, do the garden, cook, get the shopping on thw way home from work (I am making these up). It is true that some things he will tend to do and some that you will. It is in our nature to prefer some tasks to others.

Getting a cleaner has probably saved many couples from splitting up.

And of course if you just want to rant that is fine. Best place for it on MN.

I have no kids so I can get away with being a lazy slattern not cleaning too much.

I work p/t agency at the moment so I do most of the house work, for example this week he will take out the wheely bin and dust the living room. I will do everything else - cleaning, food shopping/cooking, tidying, washing up most days etc.

I have had a mini rant and feel a bit better now and he has promised to try harder.

No money for a cleaner sadly

Well I think he should cook at least once a week, and that does not mean heating something in the microwave. It is time that you can share in the kitchen while he does something for you. Tell him the grumpyoldcow on MN said so.

Dh brings me a cup of tea every morning, he always gets up about 15 mins before me. I'd forgive him for not doing 100 things because he always does that one thing for me, without fail. It's about showing the other person you don't take them for granted. Glad you have talked through it. That's all you can do, and you might have to mention it again. It's not nagging, it's helping them with memory loss.

If you work P/T only, entirely reasonable that you do most housework. TBH you sound like a bit of a nightmare, with your high standards. If he moved all the pictures and ornaments, he was obviously dusting properly! Most people (well me anyway) would just flick a duster around quickly. And I certainly wouldn't dream of doing a stroke of housework before setting off for work in the morning.

Lighten up, lower your expectations or pay for a cleaner.

If you work part time (and assuming that he works full time) I think it is reasonable for you to do all the housework, particularly if you are not busy all day with children!
To be honest, even if you did work full time and have children, you would prob end up doing most of the housework/ cooking as the majority of men (my DH certainly is) just aren't as particular about it as the majority of women! Life is too short to make a big issue about it!