to assume that when both your parents die...that ALL family photos are divided equally betwen the sons and daughters....

[MUM23ASD]

....and not retained by one daughter to be kept in one box....in HER attic.... cos SHE wants to keep all the memories in one place....HER place.

DH is actually the executor- and eldest of 4 .
There has been a huge row over this- as DH (I believe quite rightly) would like a selection of photos to keep here....

...think MAFIA... that's HIS family.

Hang on. Your husbands parents have died. Their daughter wants to keep all the pictures together in a box in her attic.
Their house is not even cleared, yet.

And YOU start a hoohaa about dividing up all the photos?? Are you pestering bereaved people about family photos?

Are these photos going to be abducted by aliens? Do you not think they will be safe in the attic?

What is so urgent that you need this sorted now?

Give it a rest. The photos aint going anywhere. It is not your parents, not your early childhood photos, so I dont see why you are so indignant.

To me it sounds just awful to divide up a whole photoselection and put it into different piles. "The dispute pile" - Sure, that is how these people who have just lost their parents would like to see their family photos classified.

I agree with having everything scanned, and memory sticks given out. Can you offer to do it, if it is so urgent? Otherwise, let your SIL take her time. Unless you fear the photos will indeed be abducted by aliens.

his dad died last january...his mum died november.

i wrote my opening post with my husband sat next to me...

if he had been allowed (dispite being the executor) to get near ANY photos WHEN SIL DECIDED SHE WANTED TO CLEAR HOUSE READY FOR HER SON TO MOVE* IN then I would have scanned etc ALL photos...as I am the computer GEEK in the family...and DH's dad often asked ME to help sort his computer out.

It would be a shame if the photo collection were split up.

And as to who becomes the keeper - it doesn't matter really, surely the one who offers, or the one with the best storage facilities. I'm the "keeper" of my parents' photos, slides, documents, newspaper cuttings, diaries, even the Queen Mum 80th Birthday Souvenir edition of the Radio Times! etc., simply because I've got more attic space than my sister.

My mum kept diaries from 1988 - 2007 and I'm in the process of typing them all out and saving electronic copies. Not because anyone other than family would ever read them, just in case the original diaries get detroyed in a fire/flood/whatever.

sorry missed the fact that you are the sil.
omg if my sil had started laying down rules about stuff like that(my dad died in feb and sm last september) I would have verbally ripped her head off.

don't worry 2shoes... its just DH is so upset by all this...and after being accused of STEALING a photo album (which was later found...someone else had borrowed it to scan)...he has retreated into his cocoon.

MUM23 - this happened to my DH. All his family photos are stored in his (younger) brother's loft and it is really upsetting. We haven't fallen out over it but could have done. At the time my SIL made loads of phone calls pretending to be MIL's next of kin trying to 'sort things out' without us even knowing.

In the end we bit our tongue for the sake of not falling out but DH has never forgiven her for sticking her nose in when it wasn't her business.

One day we intend to either a) very nicely say that DH would love to look at all the all family photos and would it be Ok for us to collect them on . or b) suggest that we get a quote from a proper company to scan all the photos professionally and share the cost.

DH has nothing of his mother's - it is all in his brothers loft. There is no way of getting it back without a major row.

If she doesn't want to split can't she get them copied hen divide the originals so everyone has some copies and some originals??

Would have to say that as someone whose mother took all the family photos when she left my father then left them in a damp garage to fester and 'go off' (you know, they bleed and stick together and are useless) I was upset but then, you know, there are much bigger things in life to stress about...

I have 1 small album of me as a baby and the odd photo (out of focus) from my grandmother's random collection. Yes it's sad but I have memories and I absolutely refuse to fall out with anyone over it (not when there are much bigger issues to hold a grudge over )

Write a letter asking politely for a chance to scan some photos (I get the impression SIL feels about you as you do about her) give a choice of dates when it would be convienient and say that dh will go over to do it/pick them up. Write the letter from dh as I get the feeling that although you are trying to help your dh you are really antagonisng SIL.

People do strange things when they are grieving, things that really are not very important seem to to become all consuming. Your SIL has lost her parents and should be given a little leyway. Your dh should also make sure he is carrying out his executor duties and insisting things are done properly. Not you.

It is sad when this happens.

My mum never got on with her dad (my GF) and the family was only kept together by my lovely GM.

When she was terminally ill with cancer she told my GF that hr engagement ring was to go to my mum, her only daughter.

After GM died he gave the ring to his sons wife. Would not allow any of our family to have any kind of keepsake at all.

Now he never sees my mum at all and all my GMs stuff will no doubt go to his new wife.

Very sad.