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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset about another mum saying that her dd only plays up when she's around my dd?

22 replies

themothership · 10/05/2009 17:04

Dd1 is best friends with the little girl next door - there's an 18mth difference between then, dd1 is nearly 4, her friend 2.5. They're a nice family and we've always got on although the mum can hold some strong opinions about other people's parenting and isn't scared to share them.

On Friday, both our dd's were at this dance class together and then messing around excitedly together afterwards, running around and refusing to put their raincoats on. We were both getting a little exasperated, and then other mum turns to me and says "my dd only does this because of your dd". And then if I hadn't already heard the first time, she repeats it.

My dd absolutely adores her little girl. Yes she's older, and when they get together they can both get rather exuberant but they had also just spent an hour being encouraged to run around and weren't doing anything in my book that I would class as 'naughty'. They were excited and happy to be playing with each other.

I am really pissed off with other mum for implying that my dd is responsible for her dd's behaviour. But they are our neighbours so I need to be very careful about how I deal with this.

What should I do?

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 10/05/2009 17:09

She sounds a very rude person - neighbour or not IMO.

Not sure what you can do about it though - I think I would ignore it for now, bide your time, but maybe have a word with your dd about making a special efforet not to get this little one overexcited? Maybe suggest she sets a good example by waiting quietly at the end of class.

Make her feel like the grown up sensible one - it isn't for very long presumably.

Fairynufff · 10/05/2009 17:13

I have exactly this situation but unfortunately I am the other mother. My dd runs around "excitedly" when she's with my friend's slightly older dd and it drives me mad. What you see as normal behaviour (which I admit, it is) I see as out of control, potentially hazardous and irritating not only to me but to other people (if they bump into them). I can't stand it. My friend will say (in a wishy-washy way) "oh they're only being kids" but I don't like yampy kids who are so hyped up that they can't calm down.

I would never have been as rude as your friend but I do limit the play dates with this child because of her mum's laissez faire attitude to the screaming and running around.

nickschick · 10/05/2009 17:17

I think you will find as time goes on your dc will always have friends who make them behave like this - its normal its personality its childhood.

Adults however should be more tactful -perhaps she doesnt allow her dd to run around much?

Even now ds2 is 13 and a certain friend makes him 'daft' so I will say your not stopping in being daft go on the pitch - and they do.

Fairynuff they get more'yampy' as they grow

3littlefrogs · 10/05/2009 17:19

Is the other little girl a PFB?

Original poster

themothership · 10/05/2009 17:25

Excuse my ignorance but what'a PFB?

OP posts:

nickschick · 10/05/2009 17:26

perfect first born

3littlefrogs · 10/05/2009 17:27

Sorry: "Precious first-born"

nickschick · 10/05/2009 17:27

as opposed to wthdipttb? (where the hell did i put the 3rd baby)

justaboutspringtime · 10/05/2009 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

themothership · 10/05/2009 17:29

Ah, yes she is. So is mine. We've both become mums again recently, my dd2 is 6 months, her ds is 5 weeks.

OP posts:

edam · 10/05/2009 17:31

So, this other child really is a little angel who speaks only when she's spoken to and is the picture of obedience apart from when she's around your dd?

I doubt it! Your dd's friend is 2.5, of course she gets giddy and excited. Other mother is a loon.

Fairynufff · 10/05/2009 17:32

So what's "precious"- the one who expects good behaviour or the one who doesn't feel her child's behaviour is a problem?

MintyyAeroEgg · 10/05/2009 17:37

Are you sure it was a criticism of you or your dd though?

Maybe it was a plain statement of fact with no judgement implied?

My dd turns into a different creature whenever she is with one particular friend of hers. Ie. she behaves in a way when in her company that she never does with anyone else. It is just the way it is ... but it is TRUE.

Try not to be upset about it. It doesn't sound like she was being really sneery and nasty about it. Was she?

Original poster

themothership · 10/05/2009 17:38

@edam - well of course not! she's a lovely little girl, very bright, but also knows her own mind and like other kids her age can be headstrong.

OP posts:

ScummyMummy · 10/05/2009 17:39

It's a chemistry thing- some kids just do drive each other to manic excitement. It's a good thing really. Don't you have some friends who make you feel all giddy and ready to quaff gallons of white wine and laugh inordinately at very silly things with? And others who you chill out with more? The other mum is maybe in a joyless phase at the moment. Pity her!

Original poster

themothership · 10/05/2009 17:43

@MintyyAeroEgg, this is what I'm not sure about. It didn't sit right when she said it, and my reply was along the lines of "yes they both egg each other on" - which is true, it's a mutual thing rather than one-way, and doesn't single one child out as being responsible.

But I don't know, I think if she didn't mean it, it was still a very poorly thought out comment or something more. So I want to check it out with her because it's really bugging me.

OP posts:

GreenMonkies · 10/05/2009 17:44

DD1 has a friend at school and when ever they are together (outside of school) they are both shrieking hyperactive monsters. It really does seem to be this one girl, she has had other friends to play and they get a bit wild but do calm down and play nicely when asked, but when this girl was here they both just whooped and squealed and ran about like they were on amphetamines the full 3 hours they were together. No amount of reasonable asking, stern reminders or even shouting made any difference. DD1 went to her house a week or so ago and the friends mum reported that they were loons whilst at her house too. They seem to bring out the worst in eachother.

I imagine that with a new 6 week old baby as well as a boistrous (sp?) 2.5 year old the mum is probably a bit frazzled and may have been a little tactless as a result. Perhaps you could let it go this time, but if she says it again agree and tell her that your DD only does it when she's with her DD, and isn't it odd?

Fairynufff · 10/05/2009 17:45

scummymummy - "manic excitement" has its place though - especially with little kids. It is not always desirable or safe to have hyped up little ones. Not to mention the irritation factor when they get noisy and don't listen. Doubly irritating when you know they wouldn't normally behave like that if that 'other' child wasn't there.

ScummyMummy · 10/05/2009 17:53

Agreed, fairy. So call your kid aside, separate them from their fun friend for a while and calm them down. No big deal imo.

Fairynufff · 10/05/2009 18:00

scummymummy - I do! but when the other kid is still going off on one and the mum has the attitude of "they're only being kids" (i.e. she's doing to do absolutely nothing to calm hers down) I'm pissing in the wind quite frankly. Hence the reason I end up looking like the 'joyless' one who cuts the play date short or ends up frazzled and bad tempered.

ScummyMummy · 10/05/2009 18:10

Yes- can see how that would be annoying. It is fun for kids to get overexcited together now and then though.

MIAonline · 10/05/2009 18:14

I agree with minty, perhaps she was just saying it as it was and there was no negative judgement implied.

Sometimes if you get on well with someone, you feel you can say something like that because you assume you get on so well that no negativity would be thought of, iyswim?

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