to want to know who my 20 month ds is meeting up with?

[hellisotherpeople]

My ds is taken out for the afternoon quite regularly by his grandad (dp's father). Today we found out that he had been met by my partner's sister ( and her partner - called A ) while out. Am I being unreasonable about feeling slightly uncomfortable about this because neither I nor my partner were informed that this was happening even though my partner spoke to his father a couple of times through the afternoon. I should say that there is a slightly strained relationship currently in any case between us and my partner's sister ( plus partner A ) due to A's difficult manner, i.e totally patronising know it all; and they have asked in the past whether they could take out ds alone for an hour or two. We have declined because they do not know him very well. Well am I, or should that be, are we?

YANBU

that would really bother me. Your child, your right to know who/ what/ when/ where at all times.

I have a similarly strained relationship with my SiL who has demanded in the past that she or her mother have my children for the day/ weekend/ week/ rest of life because it is "nicer and more fun for them (ie SiL and MiL) if I am not there"

Needless to say, I now don't want them to be alone with my children EVER! So if I found out that the children were being taken to them without my knowledge, I'd be on the warpath

YANBU to feel slightly uncomfortable as I think DPs father should have let you know about any prior arrangments.

However, since your say that your DS doesn't really know his aunt and her partner, it could be a good opportunity for your DS to get to know them a bit better.

Although you think partner's sister's partner is a patronising know all ( and I'm sure he is )it doesn't mean that DS wouldn't have a nice relationship with them IYSWIM.

Hijack alert - letthemeatcake - just had a peek at your profile ('cause I'm nosey like that) and I think your wedding photo is fab and your dress is absolutely gorgeous. I'm very
Hijack over

Thanks people, that has made me feel better as there's now a bit of a ding dong going on... Mint! I had a look at Cakes profile too and also wanted to comment on the overall gorgeousness. I am also

Was your DPs father there as well? If so YABU ,you surely don't mean he can't meet with people (his own daughter in fact) while he's babysitting ?

Unless you think your DS is meeting people who might harm him then I think YABU. If there's nothing particularly wrong with them other than he's patronising, then I can't quite see how that's going to hurt your DS. And they're never going to get to know him if you never let them see him are they?

I agree with spicemonster. What's so awful about your daughter meeting her auntie or her grandad meeting up with his daughter for a bit of company whilst babysitting?

thanks ladies

hellisotherpeople: hope the ding dong is not too awful and that it gets resolved to your liking soon x

I think YABU and I agree with spicemonster

It's not the fact that they met up with my ds, it's the fact that they did so in such a sneaky manner. Why not a quick call to either of us to say they were meeting up? Or to mention that they were there when my dp phoned?

They are fixated on being with him on their own and although they are obviously not meaning any direct harm to him, their know-it-all manner and lack of contact or understanding with young children fills me with concern. I must also add that there has been no interest in him at all until in the last couple of months when it has suddenly become a bit over the top.

As an aside, my dp's sister has effectively been estranged from her father for over a year until suddenly phoning to meet up with him and my ds...?! I'm sure they would have taken him off on his own (ds not grandfather!)

As Cake said: Your child, your right to know who/ what/ when/ where at all times...

Apologies for the rant !

I thought the grandad was with them though. Different if grandad is dumping your sprog on other family members without asking you but if he's just seeing them it doesn't seem sneaky, because if I was babysitting for my nephew, and a family member lived nearby it would never occur to me to get my brothers permission before meeting up with them. I would just make it clear to grandparents you don't want auntie and uncle being left with him.