to be angry at dh for taking a (longer) day off?

[anongirl]

two dc ( 5 & 7 ). No outside help so have been out together maybe 3 times without dc's since they were born.

we both work (me from home) hard during the week.

weekends are our time together and I very occasionally go out by myself on a Saturday for a break. dh never really does, except for his hobby which sometimes takes him out for a whole day. when he's doing this he always tells me he'll be home earlier than he actually is. I get cross, because I count on him being back and he isn't.

this w/e he was out today and due out tomorrow again. I was happy about this and tomorrow was supposed to be 8 -3pm, then he'd be back. Now at 9pm there's been a change of plan and he'll be out 5am till 7pm. I got really upset. he just sulks and threatens to stop his hobby altogether (he is working towards a qualification in it, and it takes years)

AIBU?

bump

you aren't unreasonable to be upset and disappointed no.

what's the hobby? what does the qualification mean to him?

YANBU. I hate this too. You give an inch, they take a mile. Call his bluff, sell his hobby equipment on ebay

but he can't help it if the plans have been changed can he?
it's hard to tell without knowing more details.

and if he really hardly ever goes out at the weekends then it's a bit unfair to be upset with him when he does.

but as I say, it isn't unreasonable for you to feel disappointed and a bit upset. it would be if you were trying to stop him going though

Thanks - glad I am not being a mad woman!

I can't really say what his hooby is as I've name changed and it's really very unusual (but not exciting - sorry!). It means everything to him - it is his only hobby and he's been working towards the qualification all his life really.

I know he works hard and I do want him to have time to do what he wants but when I get upset he just throws a tantrum and then sulks

xpost - the change of plan was within his control. He has been asked to do a longer shift and agreed, despite me pointing out the problems it would cause if he does a longer shift.

I sympathise - my dh is very like this, in the sulking etc. He too has a hobby but is reasonably lucky that he gets to sort of do it at work, but then because he does, he is always at work, and usually off abroad with work for 2 weeks at a time.

Wekends with two children (mine are 6 & 7) are sooo hard with no respite, i don't think men understand this. Even if I go out, dh just sits on the computer or doing his hobby leaving the kids to their own devices which is not good for them (especially as they fight lots being so close in age!)

The thing he is good at is managing my expectations - I will always get a text or something to know when he has landed / is leaving so at least I know how long before he gets home - could your dh do this if he is always late?

Or could you sort out some sort of rota so you have 'days off' at the weekend (even if you do not go out) so neither of you feel cross or guilty, and if he is out for a whole weekend, like this one, he either does all kiddy chores all next week or the whole of next weekend?

That works for us as at least I feel some fair distribution of the workload, so I 'have a go' less hence he sulks less

You should worry, I work 50 hours a week while dh is SAHD - come the weekend, invariably he pisses off night fishing from 5pm Fri to 10pm Sat

Gets right on my nerves sometimes.