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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have felt really annoyed with DP all day today, something trying to tell me something or am I over-reacting?

16 replies

BuzzleGumz · 09/05/2009 19:10

I am sorting out preparations for moving in with my partner. Therefore I have been there today as we were supposed to be decorating his daughters bedroom.

So I got there and he said I should do it with his DD to 'bond'. So we went upstairs and she was driving me nuts for hours "you've missed a bit, shall we do that side first? actually, can we change that bit? have you forgotten the tape for that bit? do you think you should put more paper down? etc etc etc ... for hours.

DP didn't help us at all, just sat downstairs on the PC, music blasting out etc. I started at 1.45pm. At 5pm his daughter went out and she told him to come and help me. By 5.20 I was knackerd, I'd been painting none stop for over 3 hours. I said "do you think we should stop for a break?" and he said "well we've nearly finished now, may as well carry on ... ok for him since he'd only been doing it for about half an hour ... no thought to me having been up there for 3 and a half hours!

Anyway it was other stuff irritating me too. For instance, his daughter was supposed to be going for a sleep over at a friends. He came upstairs to ask "what are you wearing to go out in?" she said she didn't know so he's fafing around going through her drawers and wardrobe to find her something! She's 12! I don't even do that for my 8 year old.

Then he laid a load of clothes out for her, she went to get changed and then started compliaing that he'd put out a white bra and a black top. He's saying "I didn't, I put out your black bra" ffs ... I thought this was really, really odd personally but kept quiet. Anyway this argument about the bra went on for ages, all the while I'm still painting the ffing bedroom.

Then, to top it off ... we got talking about computers etc and I said "I can't afford it at christmas so for DS's birthday next year I'll get him a laptop."

He said "oh, I can see some whinging about that, if he gets one, DD will want a new one ... best to keep that kind of thing for christmas so they can get one at the same time"

she already has one! DS doesn't!

And the last one ... it got to 6.40 and I finished off. I really fancied treating myself to some chocolate so I said to him "will you mind just stopping off at the shop on the way home so I can get some chocolate for later?"

He said "no, course not"

So we get in the car, mention the shop again, he asked which one and I told him. First he drives the complete wrong way I correct him and he drives towards the shop ... and then went sailing past it! I pointed out that we'd gone past the shop, he acted suprised and made a half arsed attempt to slow down, looking at me the whole time as if willing me to say it didn't matter ... in the end I got pissed off and just said "oh leave it, doesn't matter" and he sped off instantly, seemingly quite relieved.

I don't know, the pair of them have been really winding me up all day. Am I just having an off day or would this stuff annoy anyone else??

OP posts:
MintyyAeroEgg · 09/05/2009 19:13

Don't move in!

mrsboogie · 09/05/2009 19:15

Do not move in with them!

Bakersman · 09/05/2009 19:17

YANBU! Sounds like a nightmare. Lazy so and so surfing whilst you're decorating his house. Also v wierd putting out his dds clothes and undies.

hatesponge · 09/05/2009 19:22

He sounds a lot like my ex who is a lazy fucker. If he will leave you to do 90% of the decorating for his DD's room in his house, where you don't yet live, by the time you do move in he'll be expecting you to run round after him like some Stepford wife while he sits in his chair like the little prince.

Do you think he and his DD would be better off with a housekeeper?

Seriously, I would tread very carefully. It's a lot easier not to move in yet, and see how it goes, than move in & regret it.....

NormaSknockers · 09/05/2009 19:33

YANBU!

What a lazy sod, I'm sorry but he should have pulled his weight!

The clothes thing is a little odd too

purpleduck · 09/05/2009 19:37

Another vote for holding off on moving in....if you didn't know this bit about him putting clothes out for his dd, then maybe you haven't seen enough of their day to day life to see if you will all gel.

And shame on him for that lame ass "reason" for having you do his work for him.

If you still need to "bond" so much, then maybe you are all not ready.

How long have you been with him?

Nancy66 · 09/05/2009 19:42

How long have you been with him? Not making a mistake here are you?

Kimi · 09/05/2009 19:55

Don't move in please

moondog · 09/05/2009 19:56

Can you not hear the alarm bells ringing like fuck?????!!!!!

MarlaSinger · 09/05/2009 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsFlittersnoop · 09/05/2009 20:01

Whay did you carry on decorating for 3 hours without saying anything while he was on the PC downstairs?

Why was it his DD who eventually told him to come and help, not you?

Why did you not tell him you needed a break after 3 hours of decorating, and leave him to carry on for a while?

Why did you not ask him to drive back to the shop for some chocolate?

Regarding the PC - sounds like your DP is anticipating exactly the type of argument that would occur in 99% of households if one child gets given a very expensive present and the other doesn't. He made a sensible suggestion IMO.

And I really don't get why a dad shouldn't help his daughter sort out some clobber for a night out. Not all girls have an internal fashion-Nazi, and some are incrediby disorganised. She's 12 not 16 FGS!

Please bear in mind that men can be incredibly literal creatures. If your DP suggested that you and his DD decorate together as a "girly bonding" experience and you agreed, then of course he'd sit on the PC all afternoon. He wouldn't want to intefere. You have to tell him to come and help.

You don't sound confident enough in your relationship with this man to actually assert yourself at all. If you're not happy with the idea of asking him to do/not do such basic tasks then I can't imagine why you're planning on moving in yet. You and your families need to get know each other properly first.

troutpout · 09/05/2009 20:04

I would say think very carefully about moving in too.
I don't think the clothing thing is odd btw..(have just posted on your other thread)...but it seems to me from reading this that he is not making room for you in his life/house atm.
I can understand that perhaps he wants his daughter to see what an effort you are making to fit in with their life as it is...but he needs to recognise what an upheaval it is to you too.
And frankly...not getting a woman chocolate is unforgivable and does not bode well for the future

RedEmma · 09/05/2009 20:05

Seems like you're letting him get away with a lot - if you were tired of painting, wanted him to help, why didn't you tell him rather than do it and feel resentful?

Suggestion about doling out expensive presents equally sounds very sensible to me though.

JoPie · 09/05/2009 20:48

Did you agree to his suggestion that you do the painting with his DD? If so, why complain afterwards that he didn't help enough? Why didn't you ask him to help, or just say you were taking a break?

I don't see the problem with the clothes. You wouldn't be saying it was wierd if it was a ma doing it for a daughter, as a single dad he has to do ma and da stuff for her.

And if you wanted the chocolate you should have insisted.

He sounds like a typical lazy bloke. But you sound a bit passive aggressive and neither of you sound like you should be moving in together.

RumourOfAHurricane · 09/05/2009 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

glitterchick · 09/05/2009 22:43

'Bonding'. WTF? And I can't believe he didn't stop to get chocolate.

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