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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset with my childminder for her opinion?

24 replies

sheepgirl · 08/05/2009 21:18

My childminder told me today when I went to pick up my little one that she wanted to find time to have a private chat about his development. I obviously wanted to know instantly what about. My CM stated she was concerned by his movement compared to other children. This is the second time she has raised this. I was so paranoid the first time that I went to the GP who said that his pronounced step was usual in children that had learnt to walk late (23 mths) and since he could lift himself up and walk unaided there was no need to worry. However, he did refer me to the development spcialist for my borough just for peace of mind, which should hopefully come through soon. Since then my son no longer has a pronounced step and is going from strength to strength in terms of his co-ordinaton. His speech is way more developed than other children his age.
I fed this all back to my CM but now she has raised it again I feel really upset and starting to worry that she is labelling my little one with a disability.

Someone please tell me that I am being OTT and forget about it and enjoy the weekend

OP posts:

WriggleJiggle · 08/05/2009 21:22

Come on, you know the answer to this one don't you. Unless you CM is also a medical expert, she has no idea. Probably well meaning, but no idea.

Have a lovely weekend, and don't spend it looking at your son's feet!

pinkstarfish · 08/05/2009 21:22

You are being OTT now forget about it and enjoy your weekend

seriously though, if the Dr says he's ok, if you are happy with his progress then over look it. Your CM comes across as caring and it's nice to think that she feels confident about talking to you over sensitive issues.

nigglewiggle · 08/05/2009 21:22

See it as a good thing that she is being so conscientious. You are following it up anyway, so rest easy. He sounds grand.

Have a good weekend.

ChubbyMinge · 08/05/2009 21:23

maybe she is just concerned and trying to help.

try and forget about it and enjoy your weekend

if he does have disabilities it's not a label just a description too

thisisyesterday · 08/05/2009 21:24

aww, i can totally understand how you feel, and i think it would have been better for her to wait until monday instead of leaving you all weekend!

that said, I think she is doing the right thing. I Know it's upsetting and worrying for you to hear, but if she thinks there could be a problem then it's GOOD that she is letting you know isn't it? and it shows that she is observing him well and cares about him and wants to help if there is a problem.

bear in mind she sees a lot of other children (i presume) so maybe has more to compare it against.
that doesn't mean your son has a problem, ust that she has noticed differences.

anyway, try not to worry too much. you have the appt with the specialist to go yet, which should hopefully put your mind at rest

cheshirekitty · 08/05/2009 21:24

Agree with niggle. It is good she is being conscientious, and also that she is caring.

Enjoy your weekend.

Chatkins · 08/05/2009 21:24

Perhaps she has been overdoing the training lately ?
We are encouraged to observe and assess the children, and involve the parents fully in this process, so that is any developmental problems occur they are pciked up on straight away. However, it does sound like you and your gp have it under control. If you politely explain this I am sure she will stop pulling you aside to discuss it!

Original poster

sheepgirl · 08/05/2009 21:27

Thanks folks. It wasn't actually his feet that she worried me about it was his co-ordination when he walks...apparently his arms are not in perfect sync when he runs. This si true but I have never worried about it has he's only be walking for 4 mths so I figure give the kid a break! He was a knee crawler for over a year...now that worried me as I was convinced he would never walk!

OP posts:

corriefan · 08/05/2009 21:27

Maybe she wants to avoid a kind of "why did you never mention any concerns" scenario.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 08/05/2009 21:30

Okay

But flip this over - what if school picked up a mobilty issue in a few years' time? You would be mad that the CM had not flagged up a potential problem

She has the best interests of your child at heart

Original poster

sheepgirl · 08/05/2009 21:30

I have to add my CM is wonderful and my little one loves her dearly and I do respect her opinion. I think I was just a bit shocked when she said she wanted a "private chat" about it. She normally just says what is on her mind, which made me worry it was more serious.

OP posts:

Dillydaydreamer · 08/05/2009 21:30

sleepgirl surely you should be pleased that she talks to you and does raise concerns if she feels there is one. Sometimes pronounced steps can indicate eye problems and wobbling can indicate balance issues by ear problems. Your CM is being responsible in raising the issue again. Children can also have varying degrees of dyspraxia, so checking out any percieved irregularity is essential for his well being. She isn't labelling him, just conveying that maybe it needs rechecking. Depending on the experience of the CM she will know the acceptable developmental variations and if she is raising concerns will have taken these into account.
Do enjoy the weekend but don't shoot the messenger. Parents are often too close to a sitation to make good assessments.
I am a CM btw.

cory · 08/05/2009 21:30

actually I think it's quite a positive thing that she's looking out for him

dd's playschool kept raising concerns after the doctor and HV had both said there was nothing wrong with dd

and you know what- they were right. dd is now in a wheelchair

they saw so many children and they saw dd far more and in far more different situations than a doctor could ever do

dd does sometimes look entirely normal in the way she walks, it was only after repeated trips to the hospital that the consultants too recognised there was indeed something wrong

I don't mean your CM has to be right; but there could be some reason why she is raising concerns; try not to feel that she is labelling your child; it's all about wanting to support him

she may be wrong but she is trying to help him

BoysAreLikeDogs · 08/05/2009 21:31

Oh and a private chat is so that your Dc doesn't overhear, nothing sinister I promise

Chatkins · 08/05/2009 21:32

Agree with corriefan and boysarelikedogs - she would feel bad and like she failed in her work if something did come up later.

But can obviously see why you were upset by her comment

Original poster

sheepgirl · 08/05/2009 21:36

Yes dillydaydreamer I think you are right it is very difficult to hear something uncomfortable about your child. Thinking about it I am probably not upset with CM but more with the possibility that she could be right

OP posts:

squirrel42 · 08/05/2009 21:40

Think how you might feel if you were the parent of a child who was developing quite a bit later than other children (or was showing signs of a potential medical problem, etc), and your childminder had noticed this but not said anything to you. As childcare professionals, childminders have a duty to share information with parents and this includes raising any issue or concern that they may have about a child's development. If your child has been a bit slower in starting to walk and you have been referred to a specialist, then surely you would like her to tell you about anything else she notices? You can tell the specialist the particulars of what she has noticed, and then the expert can say for certain whether it is a problem or just your child taking things at his own time! If he's a confident walker now then you very probably don't have anything to worry about but surely better to be on the safe side.

Original poster

sheepgirl · 08/05/2009 21:56

Cory is your child in a wheel chair permantely. That must have been very upsetting.

Yes I do agree my CM is just looking out for my little ones best interest. It was painful enough dealing with the huge opertion my son went through last year to correct a bend to his penis. The thought of anymore hospitail admission terrifies me.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/05/2009 22:00

agree that your cm did the right thing - she is a childcare professional, and if she has noticed something,then good she mentioned it

you are being checked by a development specialist so see what they say

much better your cm says something then nothing imho

and def try and enjoy the weekend

cory · 08/05/2009 22:04

No, she's up and down, sheepgirl: it's a very variable condition. (she's 12 and on the whole copes quite well with it)

tbh the scariest bit to me was after I had realised that there was something wrong but couldn't get the doctors to see it too. Because I just couldn't get her the help she needed. Much easier now.

We're having a re-run of the same plot again: her younger brother's teachers have been raising concerns about his motor skills for the last few years, and I'm about to take him to be diagnosed for the same condition (it's genetic, so it seems). I wasn't happy about that at all at first, but now realise his life is actually quite difficult, so I need to do what I can to help him.

Dillydaydreamer · 08/05/2009 22:30

Sheepgirl it might be worth taking your ds to the opticians in the mean time just to check his vision is OK. I hope I didn't come across as being harsh, just wanted to get you to see things from the other side. I didn't want to upset you and please try not to worry before speaking to her. I agree with the poster who said she probably wants to wait until she has time to talk properly rather than when other parents and children will interrupt.

musicposy · 09/05/2009 00:53

I think your CM means well, I wouldn't get too upset with her.
My youngest walked fairly late (16 -17 months) and when she went for her 21 month check they referred her immediatley to a specialist because she was walking on her toes and they said it could be a symptom of something else (I still don't know what, I'm afraid). I was pretty furious, actually, as I was so sure she was normal in every way, and I felt they were potentially labelling her.

She was normal, it turned out to be just the late walking, and it's apparently common for late walkers to do this. But although I was cross at the time, I would have been grateful later if there had been anything that needed looking into. So although it is probably fine, if it happened not to be I think you would have reason to be quite grateful to your CM.

I was interested that his speech is ahead, DD's was very ahead and I'm sure that's why she was so late to walk. She never had to bother, she just demanded everything she wanted!

skramble · 09/05/2009 01:05

I agree that it sounds like she meant well.

The first time she raised concerns you saw GP and her agreed and your DS was refered, so her concerns were correct.

maybe she is overy concerned and it is all part of your DS's normal development. It is easier sometimes for childcares to notice things as they see more children of the same age.

I trained as a nursery nurse and I knew my own DS's speach was delayed, MIL couldn't see what I was talking about, exH didn't get what the problem was FIl almost seems offended and shocked and kind of looked at it as if I was critisising my own DS, but at 3 the nursery wanted to refer him for Speach therapy and although he neede no treatment they agreed he had a speech delay, I knew that myself as I had worked with loads of 3 yr olds and knew what the normal variations were.

cory · 09/05/2009 22:08

the way I look at it is, we had to wait 7 years to get dd diagnosed and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy

of course it is very upsetting to be worried when there is no need, but even more upsetting to realise afterwards that your dc got no help when there was need

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