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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel despondent about having to be in the same office as my hideously stinky colleague who doesn't believe in deodorant?

51 replies

ScummyMummy · 08/05/2009 20:15

And, if not, what can I do? He is otherwise perfectly personable but the aroma emanating from him is nigh on unbearable. He's been spoken to by the boss and another colleague but he apparently thinks deodorant is dangerous and evil and he consequently will presumably live forever but continue to smell gag-inducingly dreadful. Our office windows don't open, everyone is commenting negatively about him (which is sad as he seems quite nice apart from his stench) and we are apparently in for the hottest summer since time began. Weeeep. Should I put up and shut up or is there a magic solution or what?

OP posts:
BigBellasBeerBelly · 08/05/2009 20:54

Thing is, even if you don't wear deoderant, if you wash your body and clothes regularly you shouldn't smell (I come from a household of old fashioned men who consider deoderant to be effeminate).

In most of my jobs the various codes have included one about not smelling, believe it or not.

I also know people who have presented colleagues with deoderant, sometimes publicly, and think it is really mean.

fishie · 08/05/2009 20:55

there was a thread in employment matters a couple of weeks ago. somebody gave very good advice, which was something like...

a sensible person to approach niffy one and say 'is there any health problem, just i have noticed there is a smell about you and thought i'd better let you know before the others start to notice'

i know it's a bit late in this case but am feeling a bit po faced about this, really hope some of you are joking. it's only a smell ffs.

Original poster
ScummyMummy · 08/05/2009 20:57

Sympathies, soup! I suppose I should be grateful for small mercies. This is incredibly strong, pungent BO rather than rottingness or compost heapness...

I am a bit worried that people's frustration could spill over into bullying, stercus.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 08/05/2009 20:58

bo is stale sweat

so you could use anti p but if you dont shower daily or wear clean clothes evey day then there will be a smell

everyone sweats, but clean sweat smells nice iykwim

hatesponge · 08/05/2009 21:05

BBBB - you're quite right, my dad always used to have a shower or bath once or twice a day, and change his clothes daily and never smelled bad - he thought deodorant was for girls!

ime, young-ish blokes who dont 'believe' in deodorant tend to be ones who don't believe much in hygiene either . its a tricky one with the possible bullying angle - havent had this issue at work but several colleagues with chronic halitosis, to which the general solution was to have them work as far away from everyone else as possible........

Original poster
ScummyMummy · 08/05/2009 21:08

I'll have a search for that thread, fishie. ikwym about it only being a smell but it honestly makes me feel quite ill. I'm pregnant so maybe that isn't helping but certainly I'm not alone in finding it very strong and unplesant.

OP posts:
BigBellasBeerBelly · 08/05/2009 21:12

Quite right hatesponge, my dad wouldn't be fannying about with deoderant either.

And despite being an exercise fanatic he rarely whiffed.

My brother picked up this attitude, unfortunately he was definitely in the second camp, ie typical teenage boy. Eventually he got the message after a concerted double pronged attack by me and my mum

BigBellasBeerBelly · 08/05/2009 21:14

Oooh scummy my sense of smell goes bananas when I'm pg, I can smell myself most of the time and find it really offensive not pleasant. But DH says I am the same as usual ie not smelly.

But if others are noticing it, it's not just your pregnant nostrils throwing a wobbler, is it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/05/2009 21:21

this one????

another pregnant woman - maybe the smell isnt that bad to others?

Original poster
ScummyMummy · 08/05/2009 21:29

I think it's pretty bad to everyone, blonde, though I know I'm susceptible to bad smells being extra bad when pregnant. But I haven't made any sort of complaint about it myself to him or anyone else (apart from behind his back on mumsnet ) yet grapevine news is that he's been spoken to about it by at least two people senior to him and other colleagues are openly discussing it with some concern...

OP posts:
StercusAccidit · 08/05/2009 21:32

I'm definately joking, i really wouldn't condone anyone else being as blunt as i can get away with with the lads... being the only girlie there has those perks

TBH they all smartened up a bit when i started and if they knew they were working with me they had a nice shower/bath and came to work reeking of aftershave.. don't know whats worse! lol

fishie · 08/05/2009 21:36

here nancy's post but like i said it seems to be a bit late for this.

scummy, offices are hell if there is any sort of problem because you are stuck in the same room for so long.

i hope the rest of you are pissed, this casual cruelty isn't pretty.

TheSmallClanger · 08/05/2009 21:42

Some of my students (16-19 year old boys, mostly) have been going through phases of not being particularly fragrant lately. They are a pretty thick-skinned bunch, so I normally get a can of cheap floral body spray out and start spraying it about if the smell gets too ripe. They get the message.

Another teacher at my FE college, in another subject, had a student with a bad BO problem recently and dealt with it spectacularly badly. He sent the unfortunate lad into the Gents with a bar of soap and some Lynx and told him not to come out until he had washed himself. There was an uproar.

I would try using the "medical" angle, myself, and perhaps initiate a chat about aluminium-free deodorants.

goodnightmoon · 08/05/2009 22:13

BBBB - you're right for the most part but honestly it took a long time for my anti- deo DH to realise that it wasn't sufficient just to be clean. Even after showering and clean clothes, he would just be a bit ripe after a couple of hours, or a sweaty Tube ride, and it really could have affected his career, as we see from this post!

I begged him to wear deodorant and he finally came round. Friends who knew him since university privately thanked me. ha ha. i've noticed too that different kinds of soap do work better than others - sometimes i can still smell the "fragrance" even when he's just out of shower. shower gel is not really that effective IMO.

oh, and i thought i smelled not so nice when i was pregnant! (though i was meticulously clean of course.)

BigBellasBeerBelly · 08/05/2009 22:17

Maybe there is the odd ponger out there then! (apologies to your DH!).

It is horrible being able to smell yourself when pg, I don't want to be, erm, intimate with DH because of it

StercusAccidit · 08/05/2009 22:20

I had a friend at school whose mum was a bit, well...he brought in uniform and my mum washed it, and sent it in with me, i had deodorant for him in my bag, he used to get changed at school and washed early in the morning in the gym showers.

Bless him he was a lovely kid and we are still in touch now. I know he appreciated what i did, and that i did it without making any fuss or making out i deserved praise for it, it was just something i would like to have been done for me.

Really...leave a can of deodorant on his desk and get everyone else to do it quietly as well, a pile of em on his desk he can not ignore!

cheshirekitty · 08/05/2009 22:20

You all do realise you smell when you go through menopause, don't you? I used to have 2 showers and a bath a day, and I could still smell me, even with lashings of deoderant.

mummytowillow · 08/05/2009 22:23

My hubby uses one of the rock things, you rub it under your pits and it kills the bacteria, works a treat!! And its all natural!

Or you could just say ............

Oi you smelly fuc-- wash your pits and put some deo on!

BigBellasBeerBelly · 08/05/2009 22:28

cheshire is it that you smell more, or is it that your sense of smell gets more acute like when you're pg, do you think?

FairLadyRantALot · 08/05/2009 22:39

maybe you could strike up conversation with him, about his opinion of deodorant being so bad and unhealthy and you heard there are things like Mineral rocks etc, that are meant to be fine...does he know how they work, etc....sort of lead the convo that way....

cheshirekitty · 08/05/2009 22:46

bella, I think it is both!!I certainly did. Think I emptied out a reservoir with my constant showers/baths, and used a can of deoderant a day.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 08/05/2009 22:49

Well that's one to look forward to!

Us women have a great time with our hormones really, don't we

cheshirekitty · 08/05/2009 22:52

Mine was early meno, so maybe I had it worse? I was also diagnosed diabetic at the same time, so maybe that was why I was so smelly.

FairLadyRantALot · 08/05/2009 22:55

lol...am not in menopause...but my sweat stinks...so deodorant a must....mine let me down the other week and I was feeling very self conscious and unsettled by that

BigBellasBeerBelly · 08/05/2009 23:06

Ooh cheshire, sounds like you had a bad time, sorry to hear that.

I am a bit of a ponger at the moment myself, as in addition to pregnancy nose, I don't wear deoderant while pg or BF (yes I know, silly).

Maybe I need one of these crystal thingys.