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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull rank over dh with regards to naming our baby? We just cannot agree on a girl's name.

53 replies

Tropicana · 08/05/2009 14:04

We do not know the sex of our baby.

We have chosen and agreed on a boy's name, no problem.

However, we both struggled to come up with a girl's name that we really liked.

Now, I have decided that I really want to go for Caitlin, but he is not keen at all.

He wants Charlotte, which I think is okay but I do not want it. If I was to go along with it, I would always be thinking that I never wanted to call her that.

We just cannot come up with anything that we both totally agree on.

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 08/05/2009 14:07

I'm with your husband, tropicana
The name Caitlin makes me cringe
Charlotte/Lottie is lovely, but I think that maybe you should both compromise on a different name

HeinzSight · 08/05/2009 14:08

nightmare NIGHTMARE situation. Been there three times and about to go through it again, you have my sympathy.

What I'm going to do this time is not discuss it with DH, we're both separately going to come up with a list of names then swap, without saying anything for a week or so, mull them over then see if we can agree on a name on each other's list.

That's the plan anyway

good luck

when's your baby due?

snigger · 08/05/2009 14:08

I pulled rank on DH on the grounds that he was unlikely to bring it up at the child's wedding and cry on the minister and all the guests because of the beauty of the lost, unused name, whereas there was every likelihood I would.

He folded like a napkin.

HeinzSight · 08/05/2009 14:08

PS I love the name Caitlin. If it helps, I know only one Caitlin and LOADS of Charlottes.

snigger · 08/05/2009 14:10

Mind you, don't necessarily listen to me - I tried to convince DH that craving strawberries and raspberries meant DD2 was asking me to call her Scarlett. (Not her name!)

FrankMustard · 08/05/2009 14:11

I wouldn't pull rank - in the same way you;'d always dislike using the names you don't like, DH would have to hear himself use a name HE doesn't like every day.
Both got to like the name IMO - you'll hear it and use it SOOOooooo often!

flowerybeanbag · 08/05/2009 14:11

On what basis would you be 'pulling rank'? Could he not do the same to you?

I think you need to both keep looking for a name you can compromise on.

Original poster
Tropicana · 08/05/2009 14:13

Tee hee Snigger - that is soooo what I would probably be like.

Whereas I think that dh would probably just forget all about it by the time the baby is a few weeks old.

OP posts:
fruitful · 08/05/2009 14:15

I assume you mean "pulling rank" in the sense of waiting till 5 minutes after you've given birth and then saying, ooh, she looks like a Caitlin, ouch that hurts still, please can we call her Caitlin?

Works for me.

Original poster
Tropicana · 08/05/2009 14:16

The 'pulling rank' thing is probably a bit of a controversial idea.

Obviously in an ideal world, we would find a name that we both like and were both willing to compromise on.

However, what do you do when you have been round and round the houses, discussed and searched 'til the cows come home, and you have no agreement?

Someone eventually has to have the final decision, do they not???

OP posts:
Original poster
Tropicana · 08/05/2009 14:18

Fruitful - that is a distinct possibility

Although a risky strategy if he does not fold to it.......

OP posts:
mum23monkeys · 08/05/2009 14:18

Definitely keep discussing, or writing lists or whatever and find a compromise.

Or you could end up like friends of mine have, with an 8 month old who has one name on her birth certificate that neither parent likes, and a mum who calls her one name and a dad who calls her another. All her friends just call her "the baby" or "the little one". Extraordinary situation.

StayFrosty · 08/05/2009 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lockets · 08/05/2009 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bellabelly · 08/05/2009 14:19

Tbh, I agreed to DH's first choice name for one of the twins and we compromised by having my first choice as the middle name iyswim. I still regret it (they'll be 2 this summer) and wish I'd stood my ground. DH on the other hand, whenever I bring it up, says fine let's just call him by the middle name instead - doesn't seem bothered at all. But it just feels too weird to suddenly change his name now. Wish I'd gone for snigger's approach!!!

Original poster
Tropicana · 08/05/2009 14:26

I think that's what I mean by 'pulling rank', Bella.

I just think that the whole thing will affect me much more than him on a long term basis.

I also feel that the baby is already 'mine' much more than he probably does.

I feel my little Caitlin wriggling around inside me and can't wait to meet her.

He just thinks Charlotte sounds like an alright name that goes with our surname.

OP posts:
MummyDragon · 08/05/2009 14:29

YABU. It's not just your baby, it's your husband's baby too. What were you going to do - just go to the registrar and put Caitlin on the birth certificate without telling him??!! I think you need to find a name that you both like. One will come to you eventually. And as someone else has already said, it may be a boy anyway ...

How long until the baby is due? Hope the pregnancy is going well

mayorquimby · 08/05/2009 14:31

yabu, and the last post would be fairly close to emotional blackmail. how would you feel if years down the line you wanted him more involved and he pulled out the old "well the baby is more yours than mine,so it's your responsibility."
how would you feel if he pulled rank and you ended up giving your child a name he loved but you hated.

snigger · 08/05/2009 14:31

That was exactly our position, Tropicana - DH disliked 'my' name (which I had cherished to my bosom since my early teens) because he ran it by his sister, and I knew this.

His choice was, in reality, his sister's choice, and I was far too hormonal to let that happen - in the grand scheme of things, DD's name was not, by his own admission, a big issue for DH. (Mind you, he'd already named two children in a previous marriage so I guess I'm on a limb with this one )

potatofactory · 08/05/2009 14:34

We compromised and it still feels like a compromise to me - but that doesn't mean it wasn't the right thing to compromise I suppose (did really want a Madeleine, though)

MummyDragon · 08/05/2009 14:35

if you don't know the sex of your baby, how can you possibly "feel your little Caitlin wiggling around inside you," or have you sneakily found out the sex and not told your DH? Sorry, but I think hormones are at work here

slushy06 · 08/05/2009 14:37

Put both names in a hat and pull one out use the other as a middle name thats what I would do.

Original poster
Tropicana · 08/05/2009 14:40

Well, I am convinced that it is a girl.

I do not know for definite, of course. But it is based on just slightly more than pure hunch.

We have had lots of specific problems with previous pregancies which I don't really want to go into, but the odds are slightly in favour that this baby is a girl.

We have already agreed on a boy's name, so that will be no problem.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/05/2009 14:43

Caitlin was the name I wanted had DS1 turned out to be a girl. I'm glad because I don't like the name now - it didn't even figure in the running when I was pregnant with dS2 and DD isn't called it.

I don't know how pregnant you are but you may well find a nicer name than either Caitlin or Charlotte which you both love.

SoupDragon · 08/05/2009 14:44

Having said that, I named all 3 SmallDragons

I remember muttering "call him what you like" with DS1 as they wheeled me off to theatre for 2 hours of repair work after a difficult labour. H had the good sense to call him by my choice